Adventures in Online Dating - The Frogs I've Kissed Episide #2

                            

                                            So Many Frogs...So Few Princes

So my first delve into the online dating scene didn't go so well.  I certainly never expected to meet the love of my life in the first week, and I've totally seen MTV's 'Catfish', so I didn't jump into it completely naïve.   But I also didn't expect to meet a stalker-weirdo immediately coming out of the gate.  You can read about it here.

But my mama didn't raise a quitter.  So I picked myself up, laughed it off, and tried again.   I mean, what is the likelihood of something like that happening again?   Sure, I'll have some bad dates, but I've got my creep-dar on now and I'll definitely spend more time talking before we meet in person.    Plan in place...let's do this thing!

Frog # 2

So I'm having fun chatting and sending flirts and well...window shopping...when I get a message from this guy that lives about an hour from me.   Too far in my opinion, but I promised myself I would keep an open mind so I respond to his message and we chat.   We talk on the app for a week or so, exchange numbers, text for another week or two.   Couple phone calls.    I'm not overly excited but he's super funny and seems really interested.  So we arrange to meet.   I have Frog #1 in my head, so I tell the guy I'll meet but he can drive out to my town rather than vice versa.   I figured if it goes badly at least I don't have an hour drive home after my escape.  

So I do all my primping and priming, you know girl stuff, and then head out to meet him.   He's super tall and really easy to spot.   Awkward hug hello and we order a drink.   Zero sense of humor in person.  I'm a sales and marketing person...I know how to small talk.   But I can't get this guy to say more than 2-3 words at a time.   I do feel bad that he drove an hour for nothing, since he's clearly disappointed and not into it.  No big deal, another lesson learned and hey...free drinks!    The bill comes and unlike Frog #1, Frog #2 at least knows enough to pick up the tab.  He walks me to my car (I assume out of politeness) and asks me for my address when I start to open the door.   I gave him the blank stare, like why on earth would I do that?    So he blurts out...Well, we're gonna fuck right?

                                        

                                                            Buh-Bye Frog #2

At this point I'm not really pissed, or shocked or anything.   Just annoyed.   I'm not a prude by any sense of the imagination, but I do require a tad bit of chemistry.  But good thing I'd been active on the app while wasting my time with Frog #2, because Frog #3 was really catching my attention.   

Frog #3

He's crazy funny, but also sweet except not in a creepy it's-too-soon kind of way.   The flirtation is fun but not over the top.  I mean, I'm the kind of girl that needs to be kept on the edge of my seat.   And this Frog, he really seemed to know how to keep me interested.  His humor was sarcastic, he was self-made and didn't really work which was perfect for a girl that travels constantly.   He loves dogs and cats and music; we shared similar politics.   The chatting goes on for a long while;  3 weeks or more.  It's fun but I'm starting to think he's looking for a pen pal and nothing more.  Maybe for this Frog the fun was just in the flirt?    

Now I'm not the kind of girl that just sits around twirling her hair waiting to be asked out.  So I say, hey are we going to meet or what?   He laughs, says yes, and we agree to go to this hole-in-the-wall Chinese joint.   Pretty fun night, food was great, he was just as fun in person.  Chemistry seems to mostly be there.  We're laughing a lot.   The end of the meal comes and he asks if I want to come over.  I say yes.   As I follow him home I find myself excited about the possibilities.  He seemed to be too.

No weirdness at all when I get to his house.  I feel comfortable and safe and all is good.  I meet the dog and the cat, he shows me around the house.   Then we sit on the couch and light up a bowl and watch SNL.   Super fun time but he's suddenly backing away a bit.  I don't stress, we're having fun and maybe he's just a little more shy in person than in text.   Then he gets more high, and more high and comatose high.   He falls asleep on the couch and I let myself out.

The flirting and the chatting continue into the following weeks, but no additional in person meetings.  I'm still having fun, so I don't really care.   I'm also casually browsing the app the entire time.  Because, you know...options!   But nobody really has me laughing like Frog #3, so I'm playing along and seeing how it goes.  Probably 3 weeks after the initial meeting he invites me over again.   Yay!   So I do the thing that only women with the prospect of impromptu romance can do.  I shower and shave in 1.2 minutes flat.   Chinese was sort of the thing, so we decided I would pick some up on the way there.   I ring the bell, he answers, and I say what I thought at the time was harmless and cute.   "Your Chinese delivery is here"

                                   

Frog #3 literally freaks out.   Yelling and ranting that nobody has ever treated him like that.   He can get his own food and don't come knocking on the door saying I'm the delivery guy.   He said I treated him like an (eeek, I can't even type it) N word.   And that I was totally disrespectful.   He planned for it to be a fun and cute night in and I'd ruined it by saying I was here to deliver his food.   "Like you weren't going to eat too?"  "I can't even believe you would say something like that"  "I don't need charity"  

                                                    And on, and on, and on...

I'm still standing in the doorway.   I don't put up with being treated poorly for any reason in any circumstance, so I shove the food in his face and turn around to leave.    Fuck off Frog #3.   What a looney!

So I don't know if this says more about me or about the endless Frogs of the Internet, but I kept at it.   The browsing was fun, the early on chatting was fun, harmless flirts that last a day and then go ghost was actually pretty fun.   Plenty of first dates, mostly pleasant but dead ended.   Couple Frogs that deserve mention but with less back story...

Frog #4:  

Tall, handsome, funny.   Horrible spelling.   I'm pretty easy going but nothing gets under my skin like bad spelling and grammar.   We're talking things like he "herd" some band was playing at such and such a place.   But he's fucking hilarious and I must meet him.   We meet and it's insta-friend zone.  No harm done, he's still a friend of mine today.   I've actually encouraged him to go back to school and further his career.   A few months ago he text me "OMG you are so right.  My spelling is horrible".   Frog #4 is still single but sleeping with his ex-girlfriend.

Frog #5

Decent guy.  Not too funny but nice and seems intelligent.  I'm entirely uninterested but when he asks to meet for a drink I must have been bored or something so I go.   Within 10 minutes he asked me how much money I make, what my monthly house payment is and my credit score.    Later dude!

Frog #6, 7, 8 and countless others

Those Frogs didn't make it to the in person meet up.   But they sure do ask you to come over within 5 minutes of talking.   Again, no prude here, but I'm not going to just show up at some dude's house just to find an unmarked white windowless van parked out front.    Dozens of propositions, hundreds (literally) of unsolicited dick picks, 20 or requests for immediate full body shots and/or my weight and measurements.  One guy asked me to come over and apologized.  Said he'd come to my house but he's stuck home on house arrest.  Yep.  

                                          So my search continues...