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I was reading a post How men fall in love by @raymondspeaks,

I truly liked his post but mostly I liked the following paragraph

"For me love is quite a mature concept, there’s a trust, respect, faith in each other that goes beyond the physical. I’m not sure I could have achieved that twenty years ago. I had in my head that love was the feeling in my stomach, the wanting to be around someone always, the pedestalling of their every move and behaviour, but as I grew older I realised that had became obsession, and obsession isn’t healthy in my eyes! It’s the idolising of someone, when in fact, everyone’s shit stinks the same."

I think the same as well. Maturity, Trust, Respect and Faith are the pillars of any successful loving relationship.

I had a relationship early 2016, which I mentioned in some of my earlier posts. The person almost fell in love with me immediately (or it sounded like it) to the point that he named our children in the first week of our relationship!

His talks about marriage, children and all of that was very endearing to me because of my conservative background (Saudi Arabia) where marriage is a "Must" even before a relationship. I was also quite into him as I trusted him with some deep secrets of mine.

After a month of the relationship, we had a couple of misunderstandings and he changed after that. He told me that he felt the relationship was "intense" and he was "losing himself" or "can't recognize himself anymore".

We decided to break up and become friends. Interestingly though, I also felt relieved after the breakup. I no longer had to make this relationship work with a person I just met!!!. I was surprised that I felt that way.

But he stayed around for the rest of 2016, early 2017. He was loving one minute, then pushing me away the next. And was getting easily irritated with anything I say or do.

He kept saying things like "Do you know how to love?" or "What is this relationship to you?"

At that time, I had issues with my family and I became very depressed not knowing what to do with either.

We had another quarrel, Jan 2017, which was absolutely silly, and I stopped talking to him after it. For few months after, which felt like a life time, I discovered that I loved him dearly. It was painful being with him and painful being without him.

June, I contacted him to apologize and it didn't go very well. He was very angry!

July, I wrote him a letter to tell him my feelings and say good bye.

October, he contacted me back... Our first meeting was intense with feelings (or that's what I thought)

Second meeting.. We talked.
During our conversation, he said things like

"I have feelings for you"...
"I have been trying to find a woman that attract me physically!! but I am not finding any! I am losing hope!"...
"Its not that I am not attracted to you!!"....

I asked him "why did you come back then?"

He said "I don't know!"

I told him "You can leave if you want. I will not stop you neither bother you. I will just disappear from your life."

He said "Thats your problem, you don't have a middle solution!"

We finally decided to continue meeting without calling it anything. No branding, attachments, names, calls, nothing...

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As much as I was happy because he came back, I felt unsure and sad after what he said.

I felt conscious about my body and wished to be different. The way he likes.

I kept thinking that maybe I should help him find someone more suitable (I really want him to be happy, even if not with me).

Then I thought maybe if I don't talk to him again he will just go away and that will be the end of it. For Good.

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I thought and I thought and I thought...

What do I do to the man I love?

Then it came to me...
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Love is all about Maturity, Trust, Respect and Faith

** Maturity, is to accept the situation and deal with it without letting pride, sadness or fear get the best of me.

** Trust, is to trust that he knows best what he wants and what suits him. He doesn't need my help to find himself the perfect partner.

** Respect, is to respect his decision of coming back (even if he doesn't know why) and wanting to spend time with me (even if he says otherwise)

** Faith, is to have faith in his actions. When his words are different from his actions, I should have faith in what he does not what he says. If he truly loves me, he will stay. If he doesn't, he will leave. The results would be good for both of us either way.

So Now What?...

~ I decided to focus on the positive things he say or does.

~ I decided to be happy and not worry about future I can't control.

~ I decided to live this relationship moment by moment and let it unfold organically.

~ I decided to do all the things I dreamed of doing with him and sing my heart's songs with him.

~ I decided to have no regrets for later but, If he decides to leave one day, cherish the memories I am making with him today.

~ I decided to give my love unconditionally and have maturity, trust, respect and faith in him and in myself.

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This will be quite the challenge, but I am looking forward to it.

With lots of love,
Dr. TLK :D

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