I find it hard to justify anything sometimes, to reconcile the choices I've made is something like explaining someone else's thought process after the fact. I missed the last 7 days of my journal and I don't really even know what I didn't write about...I went with Aleesha to her cousins family get together and got to meet some of her extended family, it was fun and I had some good chats but the drive was right out of a horror story the kids where at each others throats the whole way.

I feel like her and I have fallen apart and I don't know if I can find enough of the pieces to put us back together or even if I could if I want to....I feel like I am making all the effort now and that doesn't feel like a relationship to me. Today I woke up in a panic my heart pounding and the first thought that fell into my head was that we are done....which means that it does scare me, but I haven't figured out yet if it scares me because I really don't want to lose her and the kids or because it is a relief...

https://steemit.com/life/@raymonjohnstone/daily-chronicle-starting-from-the-first-day-of-my-thirty-second-year-on-this-planet

https://steemit.com/life/@raymonjohnstone/daily-chronicle-day-2

https://steemit.com/life/@raymonjohnstone/daily-chronicle-day-3

https://steemit.com/life/@raymonjohnstone/daily-chronicle-day-4

https://steemit.com/life/@raymonjohnstone/daily-chronicle-day-5

https://steemit.com/life/@raymonjohnstone/daily-chronicle-day-6

https://steemit.com/life/@raymonjohnstone/daily-chronicle-day-7

Thank you for your time and attention.