I want to let go!
I have to let you go!
Sometimes you really need to let go of a bad habit.
We all have them and there is no shame in that either. And sometimes you realise that you really need to let go of one of them!
Like many among us I am attached to my cellphone but while other are glued to it because of social media platforms like (Cough) Facebook, twitter, youtube, I have a totally different reason.
I wish I was addicted to the internet, I wish those sites were the reason behind the fact that I always keep my phone at hand reach but sadly it's not even close.
Sometimes something happens and it changes everything!
I started to realise that I have this problem a few days ago and ever since that day I am trying to leave my phone behind but its a hard battle. Before I know it, I have it in my hand again to make sure it's on and working, if the battery is full etc etc....
It all goes back to June 1 last year! The morning when I got the worst phonecall in my life so far! The morning that my mom called me at 08:12 to tell me that my father died. The sound of the phone, my mothers voice, the feelings of that exact moment, the color of my display and the way the phone felt in my hand are branded into my brain and turned into fear.
Not only do I go anywhere without my phone, the sound when it rings ( yes I changed the ringer) keeps putting me back in panic mode. Three days ago, after a bad night of sleep, my phone went off at 8:30 in the morning and right away I was able to pick up. Why? Because my phone was next to my pillow, where it does NOT belong. Thats how close I keep it and yes, I take it with me to the toilet as well.
It was someone who called the wrong number and they politely told me that they were sorry. It happens and that is okay but I was right back in that moment last year! It opened up my eyes for the fact that I am glued to my phone. Now there or worse things in the world, I know that but this is my struggle.
Today, I tried to leave my phone in a other room, still close enough to hear it and to reach it on time but within ten minutes it was back at my side. I tried again while I was doing some painting in the living room. I placed my phone in the kitchen. The feeling inside my chest was so weird after 15 minutes that I had to catch my phone and check it like a maniac. I wanted to try and leave my phone in the living room this evening but honestly, it will end up in bed all over again.
I wonder how long it will take me to be able to go outside the door without my phone. Things happen and I need to realise that I don't need to be reachable 24/7. Does anyone here have any tips? Perhaps went through the same thing? Any tips are welcome!
It's harder than I thought it would be!
Oh! Lovely lady that was a heart wrenching read!
Any tips or answer that I could offer would be things that deep down you know already. Occasionally life throws a great big, enormous tsunami of trauma at us and it knocks us so hard we can hardly breathe.
Many people believe that grief, sadness and loss have a time-span and then you become "all better again" with the greatest of respect and as somebody who (as you know) hardly ever swears...
This is bullshit!!!
Such life changing events floor us when we are walking round the supermarket, wake at 3am to run to the toilet or when we are busy with anything else at all. A smell, a sound, piece of music, yup even the piercing ring of the phone can take us all to quickly back to that place that we do not want to re-visit.
However you have noticed and realised that you have an issue, this is crucial, we can never beat a problem that we do not recognise exists, right? Step 1 is complete.
Something I would change in your memory and association of the phone is that rather than fear, the emotion you are trying to avoid is hurt, heartbreak and grief in a word sadness. the word fear is a word that holds too many associations with power.
You have started to go short periods without your phone and you say you fail, you are not failing, you are succeeding for a short time...Now you are trying to work through this, you will do it.
Not everyone will agree with the tip I am about to give you BUT it is one of the biggest things that helped me through a very similar situation...Pick up your phone and tell your Dad all about it! Yeah I know it sounds a little strange, but please give it a go.
Do not rush yourself, take it slow and try and find the way that fits you best to work through it. and always remember that your Mom and Dad brought up a wonderful, funny, caring and inspiring daughter who has a deep well of strength deeper than even she realises yet.
Massive cyber-hugs are being sent to you, much love and the very best of wishes. Just remember that the very best parts of those we love are the ones we carry within us most of all. Just keep going Bianca despite the inner clouds that take over at times, ultimately your sunshiney spirit will be the one that wins.💖
Source
I had a much, much longer reply, but...
hmm...
I don't think the phone is the problem. It's certainly the medium, though, or you wouldn't want to detach from it yet can't.
I know you're involved with a lot of communities, projects, and people on Steemit. Your heart is just that gigantic (it astounds me). I've gotten the impression over the last month that you're relied on a lot, and have to be reachable. It's a good point I've heard repeated by many people who know you.
Now... I personally have a really low tolerance to stress-inducing tasks, and needing to be contactable/relied on all the time would make me more tired than I usually am (because my medication side-effects are just that awesome). Wanting to not be too popular, or called upon makes it seem like I'm reclusive and untalkative and shy. Surely, though, I don't express myself like this when I write. I have pride, but I mask it. I'm a person who throws balls into the court from the sidelines. It's to keep attention away, but still be necessary. So, at least for me, I focus down on one or two things (people, tasks, projects, etc) to reduce frustration and stress (and not end up tired). They usually end up as small things or mundane tasks, but, for the sake of my health, I like attention to be graciously avoided.
You can probably multitask better than I can since you have more experience with it, but if I can offer you some kind of suggestion... perhaps weigh priorities heavier and drop a couple more projects. You'll have less to do, and you won't need to be reachable all the time. That'll allow you to keep the phone elsewhere without worry. That'll also lessen the feeling of anxiety since that's the actual emotion you're attaching to your phone. I'm going to guess here (educated, but there's not enough information to make a secure assessment) that you experienced the most extreme version of anxiety when you got the call about your father. Loss is devastating, and affects your entire sympathetic nervous system... rigs it to avoid it again. It manifests in the most curious of ways. Your feeling of needing to be available at all times may be reverberating the echoes of that experience which results in you wanting to escape it.
I swear, this was (way) longer! I hope this wasn't clipped too much, and helps. If this doesn't seem to be what you're going through, I hope you'll continue to medicate by writing about it more... let us all know how to help better if you desire it.
hugs
Wow, I can not express the thankfull feelings I am having when I read your words! Thank you so much for your reply and I want you to know that you touched me with your words.
I will read them again to make sure they stick in my head!
You are a wonderful person and I am so glad that we connected!
You are right at so many points!
Again, thank you!
^_^
hugs more
Wow Sneeky, I'm sorry, my condolences. It must have been shocking to receive those news over the phone all of a sudden. I mean, I'm always around my phone too, because I fear I miss a call from a relative outside the country (because I can't call back), but your case sounds a lot more extreme.
The best solution I think I can offer is for friends to call you (and you call them too of course), just to chat with them on friendly terms on the phone, making good things overwrite the bad, you know what I mean? right now your phone is full of bad vibes and you're scared of missing another call like that... maybe talking with friends over the phone will help diminish the importance of it and helping you relax more without it, because you'll trick yourself into thinking that even if you miss a call, it's no big deal, just someone who wanted to chat for a while.
I don't even know if that would work either, just an idea that I hope helps a bit at least and stressing over it would only hurt you (but we can't help but think about it, can't we?), I'm glad you reached out and that I was just glancing over my feed when I saw this!!!!
Thank you so much for your caring words and this amazing reply!
I might give that a try and see what happens in my head!
and yes, I stress more about it than anything else right now. Sucks...
I always find it hard to let go when I struggle... I start to think about my thinking..
Again. thank you for your words
In fact, people living in good-bad mix. If a person wants to be bad, then he will get worse for himself. But if he has the will, he would be better to change his habits.
My heart skipped a beat at first... I thought you were saying goodbye to Steemit. Then it slowly became heavier as I read through. Sorry about your loss, Snekky. I believe you aren't the only one in this situation -- My Boss, who is also an uncle positively shivers whenever he isn't with his phone or misses a call from family or close friends because his 5 year old son was held by kidnappers for two weeks last year.
I think what you need to let go of is not the phone, but the fear itself. There might be something you're currently afraid of (or someone you're scared for) that the experience of losing your dad has connected to and keeps you in that state. Try to find out what that is and find a way to come to terms with it.
That's my little piece of advice.
And once again, sorry for your loss.
Something that helps me a lot is to remind myself that there's potentially harmful radiation coming from the phone. I used to bring it with me all the time for the music on my walks and to be able to take pictures, but.. The experts warn to not keep it close to your brain or other vital areas and I feel like the less I'm in contact with it the better.. However it is an important tool that could save your life.. If you're out somewhere and you fall and get hurt, being able to call .. At least where I live could save your life. I'm sure there's many other ways a phone could save your life, so.. There's pros and cons!
I think trying to find a healthy balance is good regardless of the radiation risk. Just to sort of have your "you" time and to detach from the electronics for a while and enjoy something like the birds chirping and the clouds or rain maybe read a book or do something creative.. I can definitely get too sucked into this digital world at times as well! It can be tough but I think there's a balance we should have with the physical world. Good luck with your efforts!
I am sorry for your loss. I am currently minimizing my cellphone usage by limiting my consumption. No more phone after 10 pm, not bringing cell phone during a dinner or an outing with a friend. It feels good to be connected and talking to people. Sometimes, I can see it in their eyes, they crave meaningful interaction. I wish you luck😊.