I Declined a Good Job Offer: And Now I Regret It

in life •  5 months ago

We can spend our entire life looking for something, and never find it.

Other times, things just fall on our laps when we least expect them.
You'll soon discover, this was one of those times.

NoNamesLeftToUse - One of Those Days.jpeg
One of Those Days

@NoNamesLeftToUse The Writer/Artist Himself here again

with a story for you.

Today was interesting, to say the least.

I've been looking for a job lately.  Something easy.  A time filler to keep me busy during the winter months, once they get here.  Nothing too serious and hopefully stress free, if there is such a thing.

I'm actually seasonally employed.  With winter means lazy days, aside from a few light duties.

I'm always wise enough to save a bit of money for winter.  I've been sure to put a few extra hours in throughout the season when I can as well.  I work outside so if it's a nice day I'd sooner stay there, keep busy, get paid.

I don't really need a job for winter, but sitting around doing nothing gets old really fast.  I'm sure some of you can relate to that.

So Anyway, There I Was

Just minding my own business, enjoying a drink at the bar.

I don't like to be drunk, but I will enjoy an adult beverage from time to time.

I went alone.  It's easier to stay out of trouble that way.

I probably sat there for three hours, listening to the drunk people, who of course most likely thought I was drunk, because most of them arrived after me.

I've had a long standing agreement with an employee there.  I'll buy one beer in a dark glass bottle.  She'll keep filling that bottle with water or pop, sometimes juice; free of charge.  This way I can sit there, not turn into a drunk ass, save all kinds of money, and still enjoy the atmosphere.

The big boss man there hates it when people come just to watch his expensive televisions and take up valuable seats.  It's great though.  He'll walk past, see me drinking from the bottle, tap me on the shoulder, and nearly every time say, "Another long day, eh?"
Oblivious.

I'll admit,

I'm a people watcher.

I like being out, but to observe.  I'll join in on the conversations from time to time, I'll make friends, but for the most part, I just get a kick out of people and their predictable behavioral patterns.

There's one man who frequents the place.  He's there almost every time I go.  He talks to everyone, very friendly.  I can tell he can't go a day without a drink, I can tell he's broke because he acts rich, I can tell he's lying about all the work stories because he has a new occupation every time he's at the bar.  You'd think a "painter" who "just finished the entire top floor" would at least have paint somewhere on his clothes or skin.  He didn't shower after "work", because he wears the same clothes every time and has a distinct odor.

I leave him be though.  I guess I have my secrets, too.

It's Nearly Time to Leave

So I was getting my stuff together; ready to step out.

A woman who I haven't seen before comes between my stool and the vacant one next to me; orders a drink.

I'm already looking at her, most people don't notice that but she suddenly looks at me and says hello.  Not only that but offers to buy me a drink and parks her ass right beside me.  I could tell she was already buzzing.  I could also tell that she was watching me, saw me getting ready to leave, and pounced.  That's my guess anyway.  Another people watcher.

I didn't like her perfume.  I suppose it would have been okay if she didn't bathe herself in it.  She was dressed nice and the hair was well taken care of.  She was already holding my drink to my face, so whatever, we started talking.

Her conversation skills were impressive.  Speech was slurred but I did not require a translator.  Loud lady bar laugh, which is fine, sometimes.  I tried not to say too many funny things.

We started talking about work.  It's very common for a woman to ask a man what he does for a living, especially at bars.  I saw this coming, so I had the truth ready.

Writer, Artist, Entertainer

Her eyes lit up when I told her I do a bit of farming on the side.

I explained my unemployed situation as well, which didn't seem to bother her one bit.

I'll admit, I was starting to enjoy her company so I asked what she does for a living.  She starts with, "I bring joy to peoples lives."

Apparently, she travels around and takes care of all those helium party style balloons you'll see in retail stores near the card section.  She played it down a bit.  I guess all that means is she opens a box, blows the balloons up with helium, then does the merchandising.  She told me she takes care of majority of this city as well as the surrounding area.  She mentioned living in hotels which is something I could relate to.  I had a job on the road a few years back.  I know this life well.  That led to even more conversation and I'd think it's fair to say we hit it off.

I was itching to get out of there though, I think another hour went by, maybe a little more.  I told her it's probably best I get going.  She offers me a job, out of nowhere.  I thought about it for a second or two.  I wasn't really interested though, that's not my kind of work.  I can't stand retail either, so I told her no thanks.  She seemed really let down but I assume it was the alcohol emotions.  She probably slammed at least four double rye and Cokes the entire time we spoke.  We parted ways.

I Arrived at Home

Still thinking about the job offer.

It probably would have been something I'm looking for.  Stress free, easy, and I assume part time hours.  Of course, typical me, I didn't even get her number.  I'm smart though and got to thinking.  If there's an opening with this company, it's probably listed online somewhere.  She didn't tell me the company name but I do remember the job title.

I checked Google, that gave me strange results and nothing local of course.  I tried Indeed, which led me nowhere, as you can see below:

Imgur

I then tried Job.com

Imgur

Still Nothing

I've spent the past few hours looking.

Tried everything I can think of and usually I'm good at this kind of stuff.

I'm all out of ideas now.  I think it's safe to say, I won't be getting that blow job this winter.  That's too bad as well, I think I would have enjoyed it.  Balloons are cool.

Anyway, thanks for spending this time with me today and don't worry, I'll keep looking.

Have a nice day.

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Credits:
All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me.
"This story was originally published on 11/26/2016. Some improvements to formatting and wording were made. The cover art is something new, finished today. I've gained about 3500 followers since this was first published and I present this here today as a treat for those who were not around back then. Have a nice day!"

© 2018 @NoNamesLeftToUse.  All rights reserved.

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You really crack me up, love the way you write a good set up for your jokes, and I'm sure it confuses the hell out of people :D

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I want to catch people off guard, then you get the real laughs instead of the internalized LOL things. A good set up goes a long way. You're right though, and a few missed it here today, but at the top, third line, I foreshadowed. I knew it would happen. LOL!

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I have gotten somewhat familiar with your style of storytelling, so you don't really catch me off guard. But I'm always a little giddy when I start reading and can't wait to see where you take the story, that is always a surprise!

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haha yeah its awesome!

Tried everything I can think of and usually I'm good at this kind of stuff.

That I can definately confirm! You may know about us more than we may think. Just like you know about this guy from the bar who talks that much and doesn’t have any evidence on him being as a painter. I think the only chance to find her is to go to the bar every single day for at least 30 days. You can drink one beer 🍺 and than water if you like. I’m pretty sure she is thinking about you as well (you the guy who rejected her) and will do the same, goes to this bar every single day for at least 30 days. The only question is “ has it been already at least 30 days?” If yes you might have just missed her, she already gave up looking for you 😞. She might have given the b..w I mean part time job to someone else already .

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That's a real guy. The empty beer trick is real. Some parts of this story a very real, taken from life. As for that woman, she's loosely based on a real woman, and knowing her, she's probably offered many the same job since. LOL... man this was fun.

:DDDDDDD, When I read the title I thought it was something serious, the kind of stuff that you regret and change your life forever, and then... this post really made my day, I need to search for a job too, maybe a foot job? something that requires walking :P
Nice post, so funny!!!

EDIT: Didn't anyone else get the joke?, or I'm a perv and my mind is corrupted?

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People are just in denial or disbelief what they just sat through and read is all.

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This was a complex joke. I had a feeling some might miss it, again, like the first time I published it LOL! I'm cracking up here.

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I'm not sure if people even realize it was a joke! LOL!

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Yeah, it was so well made, I was so focused at the beginning... then I saw the pic and "poof"; exploded in laughter, gotta love guys like you making steemit so fun, I'm going to share this with my friends on FB and see how many of them gets the joke...

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Hey! I appreciate that sharing stuff. That made my day right there. I hope they like it too.

I made this meme myself just to reply to this post lol

blowjob.jpg

Funny enough, I'm considering getting a part time too... just to endure the winter a little longer. But, nothing in retail, just like you... cut my teeth doing that for a long time, I was so glad to get out...

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Dude. This was a story about a naive man who doesn't know what a blowjob is. LOL!

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It went over my head! hahahahh until I used the PC to zoom into the image, the joke was not apparent to me...

hahahah

well, now i get to laugh at myself for taking you seriously... I should know better by now.

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If you go alone there no one to keep you out of trouble! Even more so when a nice pair of legs with a talk walks by. Of course I’m talking about a female cat.

Well if she’s trapped in a hotel and goes to the bar to get out. Perhaps she a regular there for her time being. Otherwise you know where to find her at the card section one of the random stores.

Now we just need to get into my time machine and travel back to the year 2016!

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To the DeLorean!

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Just need to recall what swamp I parked it in. There so many where I live it could be anywhere. Don't you worry though this is a top priory. I have 100 dozens of cats out on the search for something. Let's hope its the car and not catnip.

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I hate when the cats come home from work, stoned.

You're only supposed to type blow into the job search, then it will search for "blow jobs". You can see on indeed your search was for "blow job jobs".

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Damn. Something so simple!

I felt like writing a vague yet encouraging comment about opportunities passing us by, just for the experience of not getting it.

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It happens! The joys of writing complex humor...

I still had fun! Feels more like a prank now.

Your jokes is very confusing , but i love this . And i am sure people confuses hell out .

Thanks for sharing @nonameslefttouse
Upvote you .

Opportunities pass us by all the time in life. It can be quite poignant sometimes. I enjoyed your story. Definitely understand why you would decline the offer but it's too bad you didn't get her number!

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I have a strange feeling you have no idea what you just read.

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Yeah, that about sums it up nicely! LOL!

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A story about a jobless winter night at a bar. You expect a dissertation? lol. I suppose the comment's a bit lazy/vague. But I did read your story :P

Wao great art. i must like to read this post. Because it is too good. i like it.

'Good job offer' seems bit of stretch but apart from the traveling, it sounded like 'not too hard to earn' money.

Didn't mean to get serious but talking about jobs tend to do that to me. Lets talk humor................... shit! I forgot, humor is your department and laughing is mine :-)

I love you all in my post so I always follow you

🤦‍♂️

The right fit will come along be patient continue to do what you love writing and entertaining. Perhaps you already have the perfect job.

I hear you man, Starbucks the same thing happens!

Blow job is an art and she probably offered that job because she felt you are the artist himself.
No blow job? You are really difficoult, aren't you?
You forgot to praise and worship the blowjob fairy -myself- before to go down into the indeed search @nonamelefttouse

If someone misses the pictures then he misses the joke hahaha! You should have taken that... job, I can still see you are thinking about it hahaha

Damn, so few matches on the job search damn I am at a loss...

Well the bottom note was a relief, I wasn't sure if I should mention that I remember reading this one. It's a worthy repeat.

The art is like a snapshot of the inside of my head right now. My daughter turned eighteen a week ago and her older brother (my step son) is taking her away to South Carolina to work with him, to live. I didn't have a lot of time to prepare. I knew this day was coming, just not quite so soon. She'll be gone by the weekend. Howie jokes about opening bottles of champagne but I know it's just a front. Life moves so fucking fast man.