Thursday's With Uncle Boom

You've goat a swagger that wid dry washin mate!
_{in Glasgow parlance an attempt to say that my confident strut was one of which, if wet clothing were hung to me, it would be dried by my confident sashay.}

I looked at the blighter. Of course my stride bespoke a confident air. It was only fitting for a gentleman to convey his mastery of the environment around him.

Begone you drab faced felon.

I threw this aside at him as quickly as an Irishman throws himself at a pint of Guinness before leaving him in my wake to gnaw on the raddled bones of his self confidence like a mangy dog.

Later, as I sipped a gin with the fellows in the Gentleman's Club, I thought of the pale fingered fellow. Doubtless he wished to know what lay behind the swagger.

Perhaps he even wished he could emulate the ways of a gentleman, dare I say, such as myself.

It occured to me, given the approaches I have had in Steemit chat recently there may be other chaps or chapesses that wish for advice that could set them on the straight and narrow?

Well, in the interests of community it would be wrong for me to deny those fellows the advantage of an honorable man's knowledge.

Should I offer up myself? Perhaps I should devote an evening to those steemians in need. Yes, I think so.

So here is my offer. Proposition me, Uncle Boom, in chat with your requests for advice and knowledge. I shall edit them as I see fit until they are ready for human consumption and regurgitate the best ones here on my very own blog on a Thursday.

Why should we listen to you?

A very good question. Perhaps because if you were standing before me right here and now I would give you a damn good thrashing with my cane for your impertinence.

As this is a new initiative, I shall present a couple of past advisements I have given via the medium of chat.

Please note: names have been changed to protect the foolish.

Spam_Farmer1: hello how can I attract the whales

Uncle Boom: Ah the whales. Always the bloody whales. Well as it happens I have precisely the answer to your question.

Firstly, smear yourself in shrimp paste and avail yourself to the nearest sea where whales have been sighted. Throw yourself in. The shrimp paste should draw them to you like flies to a cow's arse.

Next.

Spam_Farmer2: How can I increase my followers?

Uncle Boom: Ah followers. Well you have approached me in Steemit chat so I could presume that you mean followers on steemit. But as my Great Aunt Ethel used to say 'Never presume, young Mr Boom. So in this case I will presume you mean in the grand scheme of this thing we call life.

One of the best techniques I have found for increasing my followers is to wear a coat fashioned from pigs vaginas. You will have quite the following in no time. They might not be human mind.

And with that I will wrap up this post. Remember. If you have a life problem which you feel may benefit from some gentlemanly wisdom, please. Drop me a line in steemit chat. I may use it. I may not. I guarantee anonymity if that's your concern. After all...