Gigantic
Daddy, you've got boobies!!
My daughter shouted this last night then burst into gales of laughter. My right eyebrow rose so high that it threatened to break free of the confines of my face.
Oh really!
Silly lass, all that time breastfeeding when she was young had obviously raddled her brain.
And a mummy tummy!!
Given that being with child, mummy is the size of a house just now I did not feel particularly flattered.
Still, children do talk rubbish at times. I put it out of my mind.
I had recently chucked the snout. What the devil is the snout you cry?
What I mean is that I stopped smoking. It is a hard thing. At every turn it seems that people that I never even noticed before are puffing on the old brown weed. They are everywhere. Most often seen huddling in doorways clutching their spitty little tabs. I do my best to ignore them and the accompanying siren call of nicotine as it beckons me to come back to the fold.
In work today I popped out to the shops for some much needed snackage.
Obviously, immediately outside the building I had to battle my way through hordes of smokers puffing frantically away whilst on a break.
It was with great relief that I made it to the other side of the smokey cloud they produced. I headed off for them munchies.
As I walked past a shop window I caught a glimpse of a passer by in the reflection of the street. He looked a bit porky.
Daddy you've got boobies
Rang in my head. Then for good measure,
And a mummy tummy!!
Imagine my horror when I realised that the moobster I had glimpsed in the window was my very own self?
What the blazes? I am gigantic. And not in a good Pixies song kind of way.
These two events made me realise that since stopping smoking I have been essentially comfort eating. I have even known on some level that I have needed to shed a couple of pounds to avoid looking like a bag of udders.
if I put on any more weight I will positively be demanding a Princess Leia that I can haul about on a chain aka Jabba the Hutt.
Of course, as we all know. It's one thing to be aware on some level that you might need to shed a few lardons but entirely another to be derided by your daughter or to realise that you have been sneering at your own reflection for being chunky the hunky monkey.
So I am presented with two stark options.
Go on some manner of Fasting/dieting/amending what I eat nonsense.
Put my eyes out with a sharp thing so that I need never offend them again.
Unsurprisingly I am going to go with Option 1.
So today I start the purge. It is an elegant solution I have proposed to myself. Easy to follow too.
I dont mind sharing it with you all in the hope that it may help if you find yourself in the same bind.
Number 1 - Stop eating so much shite.
Number 2 - Stop eating so much shite.
Number 3 - Stop. Eating. So. Much. Shite!
I could be on to something. I can almost see the book already.
curious how you include the text with cool font?
I use an android app and just pop them in
That is a good title for a book: "Stop eating so much shite!" A bestseller, it has to be. With a small pre-title "After you stopped smoking:"
From my own experience, gaining quite some overweight, after getting rid of the little burning devil, I can state that, all it takes is time.
That and halving the amount of food that gets eaten during a day. And taking evening walks, riding a bicycle, that kind of thing. Basicly make sure to burn more calories than you get in. And drink a glass of water during diner, or just before.
And obsessing just will do the opposite, stress creates a crave for sugar for instance. As our body thinks bad poverty times are coming, when you do your best to force yourself to lose a lot of weight in a short amount of time.
You will only lose moist anyway and mustle if you give yourself a damn good thrashing for having too much overweight. It works the other way. Stress wants more food (sugar rich) to be comforted.
Trust in that you will get back to a more balanced weight over time. Step by step, you'll get there. Having another little one about the house will help too, I guess. ;-)
Ah yes. That would be the perfect subtitle after it!
Hehe, the little one might tip the balance in the wrong way for a while. I suspect that is the motivation behind me wanting to get a bit trimmer before the event. I have 8 weeks. 8! Not long but I aint quite as dramatically tubby as I might have made out. Just a little :O)
I am fully prepared for the exercise taking. sigh Even though the thought at the moment is making me feel particularly meh!
Ow, if it aint that bad for you in overweight then you'll manage it within 8 weeks. Easy as pi... Eurm, it is managable.
Moving about in a healthy way, it takes a first step. Good luck getting pasted the meh!
(Boegies - Meh, fun-punk band from Groningen NL, wayyyy back.)
Lol at the meh song! That is proper old skool punk! One drum!
Hahaha, whenever you feel like meh, this is the cure!
It definitely is!
The "you can eat whatever you want" diet , normal eating only half portions.
Drinking is not applicable for this diet. :-)) Cheers !
Did that if it means no drinking I ain't doing it ;0)
Off course not , what are you thinking ! :-)
The 24 hours beer diet ? Those hard drinkers are all skinny.
No , just kidding.
Counting calories and fitness is the only thing that works for me.
Eating 2200 till 2500 kcal a day if your big and burning 500 kcal a day.
It' ll work , but hey what's new ? :-)
Hang on to it mate , I'll support you by drinking a beer. :-)
(and will join you next week in the gym ! :-(
This is from a dietist. :-) Maybe can use it as guideline if you want.
http://imgur.com/a/F8C3n
But I've read your post , the stop smoking candy eating kicks will dissapear,
and everything will settle down after 6 - 12 months.
Probably hanging on to stop smoking is the most important. :-)
Yeah, stopping with them sticks and just hitting it a little harder and more regularly in the gym. To be honest what with working and steeming at night I have let the gym slide a little!
But I know the path I have to take!
You? A porker? That's udder nonsense! But... children have been known to not lie, and it's your own daughter too! The fruit of your loins, your little princess. That has to sting a bit, I would imagine. I remember you saying that you've taken to crisps in your quest to rid yourself of those cancer sticks, I didn't imagine you bought out an entire aisle and gorged on them haha!
My roommate from before went through the same exact withdrawal, but what he did instead of reducing stuff that he ate was he exercised. Took up boxing and ran marathons, that sort of thing. With a baby on the way, I think you won't have that time, but aren't newborn known to help shed weight? I mean, pregnant mothers become thin quickly because of all the labors involved with raising a child. So maybe that'll work for pregnant fathers too!
Fear not. I see a little excess poundage as just another little challenge on this great road we call life.
I shall slay it and then bellow my contempt at the skies. In the silence that follows my dominion will be plain.
Finally the forces that conspire against me will come to see the futility of their actions and exalt me as the lord of all.
Oh I do not fear anything at all. I have the utmost faith in you. Your quest is a cake walk compared to the other trials that you have undergone. This whole endeavor is as easy as pie for you, dude. I know it, with every fiber of my being. Oh the muscle that you will uncover will be but icing.
Hahahhahahahahahhahahahhaha
oh
hahahhahahhahahahahhahahahhah!!
I found that amusiing. I am not sure if you will notice but I have left a couple of clues :O)
Oh man! Clues?? HUHU! I'm a sucker for mysteries! I shall endeavor in weeding them out post haste!!
MEGA LOLZ! :OD
Don't forget the NSFW tag! and Good luck man. I'm doing the same. It's not bad I even got plastered on Saturday and still look better than a week ago.
Thats a promising thing! I have been talking about it for a while but it took a stray reflection to drive home the need!
wahahahah
hmm.. beer caused it?
okay eating too much shite too
but then you recently quit puffs so that must have added to that too?
Fasting is good indeed but make sure you are properly hydrated and juice much!
My former students used to do banana diet - they eat nothing but banana for a meal so 3x a banana a day - can you? or sweet potato - makes you p.. a lot :D gets rid of your mummy tummy fast no matter what you eat and you need to move a lot!
good luck!
I wish it was the beer, that is relatively easy to fix.
I think it is the cigs, or rather cutting them out.
I think a little bit of fasting and less carbs and I will soon have abs that can be climbed up again like a ladder :O)
I hate bananas! Yuk! I think it is the texture. Although I can have them smooshed up in a smoothie!
Just don't stop eating.
So ... Cook a boat load of beef/chicken/pork on the BBQ with no salty barbeque spice/sauce. While the grill is still hot, cook up some vegetables.
Go with about a pound and a half of protein per day (split into 5 servings - breaky-snack-loonch-snack-dinner). Every time you eat the protein, eat double to amount in veg. Have your carbs at breakfast and lunch.
Make about 5 days worth to get you through the work week.
At the end of the day, have one glass of wine or beer. (This is your Fruit/Sugar - good before bed)
Do this 6 days a week, pick one day to eat a moderate amount of whatever you want.
What is described above is the basics of :
They are good for dropping the weight quickly. Once you are where you want to be, change it up a little.
Yeah, I was thinking along these lines. I have done it before when such times have came upon me!
It works that much is for sure. I tend to save up my beerings for a saturday :O)
I like walking into work with almost a pound of meat, then explaining that I am on a diet. The most common response is ... "How much did you eat before!?!?"
Once you speed up your metabolism, you can eat anything.
That is very true. Walking into work with a pound of meat is a good thing. In my work they would think me a savage, we have no cooking facilities!! hehe
Need I say more:
Real hooters!! Oh noe. Nothing more needs said!!
Sadly I don't have any advice for you because no matter what I do I can't see, to gain weight. As my metabolism slows down (as it should any day now), I will be forced to come up with a solution that I will gladly share with you!
By then hopefully I will have a solution for you!! :O)
I don't know about the post but if you are in the picture on the top, My thumbs up and follow both instantly goes to you. :p
Hahaha, thank you. Sort of ;O)
;)
post a great can be useful can be used as experience .semoga be a friend who can help me in order to like you ..... to dream and hope in reach. like @yooraa need dukugan friend. greetings esteem.
We can but dream :O)