Bouquet of Turtles: How to NOT Get Me Interested in an Affair

Photo caption: The first of two turtles gifted to me in an attempt to romance me....

Remember that “carpenter” neighbor we had working for us this time last year? He inspired a whole series about why employing people sucks and we’re sad to say that he has actually managed to become MORE of a nuisance.

Since moving back into our neighborhood and separating from his wife and daughter, our old compadre was nothing short of broke and begging for us for all sorts of things from rides to free food. He didn’t seem to know the whole “Don’t try and get more shit from people you’ve already taken advantage of” lesson and has harassed us for things he thought we had that he “needed” at points.

Photo Caption: A shot from today, where I tried to introduce the two turtles for the first time.

Since working for us I’ve honestly been pretty rude to him. Between us the only one to really show any cares or kindness is John every so often and there wasn’t much of that. He’d ask me for free shit and I’d tell him to leave me be.

So a few weeks ago I go walking for a coke for John from the local miscelanea. On the way back I get flagged by him who was holding a cup open plastic jug with a baby turtle in it. He explained it was a gift for me and he used the phrasing “one love, for you”. When I returned a few minutes later to ask him more information about it it was clear he was at least drunk and over friendly.

He spent several minutes explaining that it liked mangos and sweet food then he tried to grab my face to kiss me. I pulled away and walked away and honestly hoped I was overreacting, misinterpreting some weird social cue.

Fast forward a week. We headed to Mexico City for silkies and returned with a lot less money and wounded egos. While taking care of my birds that live in the property across the street from this idiot (he’s an idiot, you’ll see) he comes walking in to talk to me with yet another turtle, this one drowning in a two liter of water.

Photo Caption: This is the second turtle, more than a week after I got it and it still won't come out of it's shell when I'm around.

I asked him where he was getting them and he wouldn’t say. I didn’t want the turtle but considering how he was treating it I did to save it’s life. So I asked him why and I got this in response…

“Lily, Quiero un secreto con me y tu.” Loosely translated he blatantly asked me to have an affair with him. I darkened my gaze and told him…

“NO. GO. NOW.”

“Lily, I love you, Please!!” He said as he bit his lip and I told him again….

“NO GO NOW!”

He seemed to register that I wasn’t totally into it and decided to proceed by asking for free coffee. I told him to leave, then raised my fist which had my keys sticking out of it and yelled

“NO GO NOW”.

With that he left and I hoped that’d be the end of it. I fed my ducks on edge as I didn’t know if he was going to try and take me by surprise and force his way. I went home and told John what happened.

No matter which way I spin it I don’t think I misinterpreted what he asked for. It was just too fucking cliché. I just don’t get why he’d think someone that’d been so openly rude to him recently would consider going for that sort of thing.

But low and behold the boy has balls and nothing else and twenty minutes later shows up yelling for John to likely beg for something. Having been clued in to the situation John grabbed the brass knuckles and basically went down to knock him out held back by a locked gate.

He of course tried to play dumb but you could see that he knew what I was talking about. I’m not sure what he expected to happen but he didn’t get what he wanted. We basically told him he was an idiot and to get the fuck out of our neighborhood.

He’s basically avoided us and I’ve not seen or heard him in days, hopefully signaling his exit.

A few days ago we noticed his now ex-wife and Mother at Walmart. We decided to stop them and clue them in to which they apologized and told us he was crazy. It actually took a bit of explaining for them to really understand what we were talking about but they didn’t seem to think we were lying.

It seems like his mother has chosen his ex over him and I don’t blame her with his recent activity.

To be clear this is the CLOSEST I’ve experienced to sexual harassment here in Acapulco. I did raise my keys jutting out of my fist to him threateningly but it might not have been necessary with enough no’s. While I wasn’t going to assume he wouldn’t it never seemed like he was actually going to assault me or anything no matter how much he might have wanted to.

Check out the links below for more like this one!

Farm Update: Proto the Tortuga Photo Shoot
Farm Update: 6 Silkie Chickens Acquired in Epic Mexico City Journey
Farm Update: Favorite Silkie Chicken Pepper Dealing with Mites!

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