Not getting the chance to say Goodbye

I haven't spoke to my parents for a good 20 years after a bad childhood, what ended our relationship was a stupid argument which pushed me over the edge, made me walk out never to return. (as most off you probably know)

FAMILY

Tell me how would you feel

On the 1st of March 2010 I went to my usual bingo hall for a few hours, getting home at 9pm to receive a phone call from a close friend telling me my Mother had died , 3 days earlier then a week later I received a text from the very same friend telling me the funeral car had left at 10 to 9 that morning. Searching through our local paper to find an announcement about her death, to be told by a friend they didn't put it in the paper as they didn't want me to find out about her death or funeral.
A close Auntie attended the funeral, I went to talk to her about it, see if I could at least put it to rest in my head. What she told me shocked me even more, there was 10 people there, there was no wake, no cars and hardly any flowers, they had kept her funeral quiet so none off her close neighbours or friends even knew she had died, neighbours who she had lived next to for 50 years had no idea. Colin (my father) wanted the funeral over quick as he was starting his chemotherapy (as he has cancer to) on the Monday after the funeral. My Auntie said it was like a paupers funeral.

Event though we weren't close I would have still given her a decent send off, would have had her friends and family around her. I felt I had to do something so I wrote an announcement myself:

HUGHES In memory of Joyce. Mam, the chance to make our peace and to say goodbye was cruelly taken away from us. We hope you are now at peace. From your daughters Karen and Susan, your sons-in-law Glen and Steve and your grandchildren Jessica, Nichola, Aaron and Luke.

3 days later my so-called family did the same:
HUGHES Family of the late Joyce, would like to thank everyone for their kind thoughts and floral tributes. The funeral held on March 3 was attended by close family members, Colin, Trish, Chris, John, Steve, Lynn and grandchildren and friends.

My mother had died of Lung cancer, Breast cancer and suffered with osteoporosis and curvature off the spine. She had been really poorly since Christmas 2005 and really suffered.

The questions I keep asking myself are.

What mother would not want to have all her children around her when she knew she was dying?
What mother wouldn't inform all her children she was ill?

What family would not tell their sister there mother had died?
Why was I not given the chance to make my peace and say goodbye.

I have been through all the emotions:
Anger: at my family for not informing me.
Sadness as what I had lost, what my children had lost. Not being given the chance to make my peace and say goodbye. I feel robbed.
Loss, to think my mother has gone without wanting to see or talk to me, dying without making her peace.

Now I am a mother it makes this really hard to understand as I couldn't see me doing this to my children, it frightens me to think that someone can go that far, take her bitterness to her grave without making things right.
I couldn't face anyone or answer anyone's questions, why weren't you there, why did she not want to talk to you? I snapped at my family, my head was all over the place, I couldn't think straight. I would have been able to cope better if I had heard she was ill, if I had been given the chance to do the right thing, or at least do what I thought was best, I could have decided to just leave it, that has been taken away from me, its final.. Nothing I can do about it now..

I feel guilty for feeling the way I do as I don't have any right, I wasn't apart of the family for 8 years before she died I cut them out off my life but surely the death of your mother is enough to at least bring the family together just for the funeral..
Or am I wrong ???

	Hi I am Karen, I am here to write about my life and read about yours.. If you like what you read please upvote and leave me a message so I can come visit you	follow me on Twitter