Anxiety: Real As Reality
I'm 32 years old now and have been suffering from anxiety for 15 years now. It started out with random episodes of rapid heart beat which came and went randomly. This lasted for about a year until things got a little worse.
I started to develop an issue where every night when I layed down to go to bed I would focus on my heart and could feel it beating like a drum through my whole body and my mattress. I could feel it in my temple and my ear drum. This was scary for me as I thought I was dying every night. Unable to shake it off or tell myself it wasn't real.
One day I freaked out so bad I thought I was having a heart attack and actually went to the hospital. The doctors did tests and guaranteed me that this was only anxiety. I left feeling exactly the same like I was going to die any second.
Fast forward a few more years of the same symptoms happening over and over again until things got worse again. I started to develop new symptoms, ones that felt even worse, even more death like. It got so bad that I was standing in Home Depot reading the back of a package and out of nowhere it seemed like I was for sure dying. The lights got intensely bright, I couldn't focus on anything and then I felt like my body just fell through the floor of the store. I scrambled around gasping for a breath, threw the package back on the shelf and ran out of the store back to my truck. Not only did I feel like I was dying, I felt embarrassed, did anyone see me and worst of all I didn't get to purchase the item I was trying to get.
Now this started a very bad cycle for me new symptoms. Every freaking time I entered any store at all there was the lingering feeling that it was going to happen again. Well, you guessed right it did, and it did a lot. Every time at the grocery store stuck in between the person paying for groceries and the people entering the check out line behind me here comes the lights, weird sounds, can't focus, can't breath and I'm going to die right here right now. What a terrible way to live.
I started to drink more beer. I figured out that if you get a good buzz on in the evening you can just pass out instead of trying to fall asleep. This worked for awhile until my body became used to 6 beer and didn't have that much of a buzz anymore. I didn't know what else to do and I still don't.
I'm on my newest experiment of trying to feel better, trying to feel right and real and a part of reality. I'm sick of trying to fall asleep and the jolting up like I got hit with lightning 10 times a night.
What am I doing now you ask? Well I quit drinking alcohol April 20, 2017. Did this help? I'm not sure hahaha. I quit drinking coffee in May and did this help? I don't actually know. I don't intake as much sugar anymore. Is this helping? I can't tell. I find that my anxiety is worse when money is tight so maybe that is a good root for it.
I have no cure, I have no solution but I will keep trying and one day I will be free from this and once again have reality back.
It took a lot of courage to share this @hendrix22. I hope your experiences can help others who suffer from similar feelings, to know they're not alone!
Thanks Lyndsay! I agree with you. Hopefully a bunch of us can get together on here and figure out some methods to stay relaxed.
Community is essential!!
It's complicated, anxiety is not cool, anxiety is not a reason for pride. Try to stay free of it, I'm sure one day you'll win. I'll be cheering for you!
Thank you very much! You're right it's far from cool. I appreciate you cheering me on. Thanks for taking the time to talk about it with me.
What I find helps is to stop all the little moments of worry and fear in my day to day living. Where all these small moments are like drops filling a bucket until the bucket overflows. And where essentially at the point that the bucket overflows, it's already 'too late' because I've already been accumulating anxiety for such a long time that it is looking for a discharge. Paying more attention to these small moments and letting them go assists to not getting it to that point of overflow. Another method that has helped me is to practice PMR = Progressive Muscle Relaxation, where you tense a muscle in your body (say your toes) as hard as you can, and then let them relax completely. And then you move through your entire body that way. I've found that this helps with my body awareness, so that in those moments where my emotions have gone out of hand, I can at least relax my body which in turn helps to losen the grip of fear and anxiety. There's some apps for phones where you can listen to PMR recordings that guide you through the steps. Hope this helps
Thank you so much @leilazamoram for your reply. I'm going to try these PMR moves and see if it helps. I think it will. I will also check out the apps. I totally need to relax more often. It seems like i'm always very tense.
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I'm glad you shared this on the blockchain Brendan. I can see others that read this with similar issues to get ideas how to make progress with whatever plagues them - just by you sharing to give up coffee/alcohol and trying things.
I'm 100% confident there is somebody out there that has a solution for you that will go beyond keeping symptoms in check but actually identify the root of the issues. You have an angel on your side so there is a lot of reason for hope.
Keep writing about this and let's hope the community can pull others with similar issues around you so that collectively everybody can help each other as it is pretty normal here on Steemit.
I'll keep this in mind and will expose it to people I know that might have ideas of how to tackle this. Walk tall brother - you're being loved tremendeously ❤
Thanks @steemuwe!
I would love to find the root for sure. I don't want a band aid or mask for these issues anymore. I know there's people that have been through this and beat it. People that have got their lives back. I would love to be able to connect to these people and hear their stories.
I can relate as I suffer from anxiety as well, although mine is not as extreme as what you experience. I want to tell you what helps me. You mentioned how you concentrated on your heartbeat and it got worse. Try to concentrate on your breathing instead. Take long slow breaths, being aware of each time you breath in and out. I hope this helps you a little bit. Good luck.
Thank you @anise for your comment. I will try some breathing exercises and see if I can maintain long slow breaths and stay relaxed. Keep doing what you do to control your anxiety you don't need it to get worse. Lot's of people say it just an imbalance of chemicals in your brain and you can't do anything about it. They say I should just go get hopped up on meds and I'll feel great. Well that's one thing I refuse to do. I have never taken meds for this and I never will.
I also think i'm going to look further and deeper into diets. What foods help and what foods make it worse and adjust my meals to help me. There is so much disgusting foods now and GMO's that its no wonder we all have problems.
Sorry to hear you're struggling with this - it sounds terrible. I've had a couple of panic attacks (like you, usually money related). But nothing like this sort of regular anxiety.
Is there a physician you could see about this? I'm not one, of course, so all I can offer is my sympathy and best wishes. But I do know that mental health issues are serious and just as worth a professional opinion as physical health issues.
Hello Winston, I am not sure who or where people go for this. I have had this for 15 years and it comes and goes on how intense it is. I do not believe that it's something that can't be changed. I feel strongly that I can make all the necessary changes and learn as much from likewise people that I can make it go away. I have had some very dramatic things happen in my life in the last few months and i'm already doing a lot better then I was for the last few years.
Well it looks to me like you're surrounded by great people (and animals) so that's got to be the most important thing. Best of luck!
Thank you sir!
@hendrix22 Read this! >>> A fellow Steemian writing about the same thing, he's found some things that help him https://steemit.com/life/@hattorihanzo/living-with-anxiety-what-i-ve-learnt
@lyndsaybowes -- My wife has had a lot of experience with Anxiety and has great insight. I'll see if I can get her to write something for me to post. Also, maybe we can all say hello on Skype sometime (would be nice anyway) and she can share witg @hendrix22 --- I myself have struggled the past year from this for first time in my life so I finally know what she has been talking about! Tough way to learn, lol.
I think for me it's been very related to stress and finances, moving a lot.. new people and places all the time.
That would be absolutely wonderful if you could post some information, and your own experiences, yes please tag us in it, and 100% yes to getting together for a skype! Thank you so much @bretawarshawsky!
Thank you for sharing so openly. Here's to returning to a state of perfect wellness. Maybe there are some certain music or frequencies that could help calm your body down before bed. Have you checked out Soffregio frequencies? There are a lot of youtube videos that you could try out.
Check this out for example:
Thank you very much for sending me these musical frequencies. I will listen to them before bed and see if I can relax easier. Thanks
Happy to share. There are a variety of similar videos, and some may resonate more than others, so try them out. Here's to returning to your natural state of perfection!