We Are Our Choices

It has been in my bucketlist now to finish this book because I had been dragging it around the world the last 4 years. I finally gave up and left it on purpose at my friend's house in Brazil, not because I got bored of John Galt's speech but because it was taking up space in my backpack. I was traveling and had been distracted all the time that I wasn't even reading it anymore. Then I realized, I would have to buy this someday and finish reading it at some point.

I was thinking about it lately and how I regret leaving this book at my friend's house. So I was planning to buy it online but I have forgotten actually. So today I went to the mall and passed by the $2 and up used bookstore and found it, only one, displayed in front like we are destined to be together again. $4, with yellow pages and smelling good, nothing like a used book, with its soul being passed around.

I bought it straight away. With all my free time now, I will finally be able to read it again. Perhaps go to the beach and read? I don't know about that, it's not quite a relaxing read. But I like it, and the other book that I read - The Fountainhead too.

Well, I also found a pretty dress, more expensive than the book of course. But I didn't buy it, I realized that today, I'm just going to choose one. I just have to reward myself and ask if I really deserve to have something. Am I being productive? Am I working on my project? Am I writing enough? Back in the days, when I could just buy anything without even thinking. Now, I am into discipline mode, I just have to change some of my old ways. Especially if I have one desire in my mind.

We are our choices.
― Jean-Paul Sartre

You can probably think why I was making a big deal out of these things, I should have bought the two right? Make myself feel better. It is not depriving myself, it is choosing what's more important at this moment.

This time of my life is very crucial, I need to surround myself with positive influences, inspiration, and knowledge. It is quite hard to stay undistracted when you are working on a plan, but I am careful with my thoughts. I have to control it if I want to achieve my goal.

I would always not hesitate to buy a book anyway, it's a must. My choices in life change as I get older. Maybe it would make sense to feed the mind now? But it would be nice to have a new dress too, especially after a long time of not buying anything for myself. I guess, I just become less concerned about my image these days, that I actually have saved more money when I stopped buying things - makeup, clothes, shoes, and handbags. I'm not into impressing anyone with things. I prefer quality things, more useful for me, for myself and nothing more. I care about my health. I care about more important things in life.

I made a choice. I figured out that it would be better for me to be less dumb than look pretty in a dress, not that any of these things will make a difference. At least I am trying, ha! Anyway, I still have my old dress, there! Perhaps, I will come back someday and hopefully, the other one would still be there.

But I'm not keeping my hopes up, I'm letting it go now.

It is easy to decide on what is wrong to wear to a party, such as deep-sea diving equipment or a pair of large pillows, but deciding what is right is much trickier.
― Lemony Snicket