Christopher Michael Edwards 07.11.83 - 12.08.18 RIP Brother Chris.steemCreated with Sketch.

in #life2 years ago (edited)

I don’t know if this is the right thing to do but I can’t think of anything else that’s less or more correct—I’ve never done this before. My wife and I have been enjoying our two year anniversary today, God bless today. We did a few shopping things and ran a couple of errands, we mainly enjoyed each other’s company with the music loud, windows down, touring Los Angeles. I posted an anniversary card to her and she handed me one in person. It’s been raining the past three days, not today, the sun was out and it was 70 degrees today—today was beautiful.

My phone rang about two hours ago. A good brother of mine, and friend, Nateb is making my phone ring. My initial reaction was ‘it’s Saturday, maybe he and his wife are coming down to the beach.’ I answered and I could tell by the way he said “what’s up bro?” I knew something wasn’t right. He tried to conduct some small talk for a minute but I knew there was something on his mind. “How’s your day going?” He asked. “Only great if that counts, any better would be against the law” are the exact words I said to him. He told me he didn’t want to be the guy to ruin my great day but he didn’t want me to hear it from anybody else: “Chris is dead.”

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IBEW St. Patrick’s Day 50/50 Cookout, Hayward, California. March 19th, 2016

The truth is, I don’t know if I should be writing this right now, I’m not looking forward to the post button, I hope his wife doesn’t mind. I hope his son doesn’t mind, he’s five years old now. His brother just died from a rare cancer two years ago, he was in his early 40’s, that means his parents have buried their only two sons now. I wasn’t expecting that phone call, Nateb, that’s the worst thing you’ve ever said to me. Chris was only 35 years old today, the same age as my wife. Chris looked up to me, he admired me, I wish he would’ve called me! I texted him yesterday, I just checked my phone, it was yesterday, a little before noon when I sent him that text and he didn’t respond. I should’ve called him! I wish I called him. Danget, I really I wish I would’ve called him. I don’t know if he would’ve answered the phone, I don’t know, but I know I didn’t make his phone ring. All I did was text him.

I don’t know if I’m doing this right, I really don’t know if I should be doing this at all. I try to hear what his parents would say to me if they knew I wanted to post an article about him and I don’t even want to wait one day. I can’t hear them. I want to do it now so the emotions I’m having a difficult time bottling up have a chance to be transcribed onto a computer screen. Something I can stare at whenever I want. I’m being selfish.

Should I stick to medical terminology right now and say “overdose,” is that ok? O.D’d, “he OD’d,” is that better? I’ve never done this before! Chris was a really good friend of mine, he loved me all of the time, in fact, he never hung up the phone without telling me he loved me. If he was on speaker, in the car, he would make sure everyone in the car heard him tell me he loved me. I was just telling someone I’ve known him for 20 years but that’s not even close, it feels like forever but I guess I met him back in 2011. He worked for me one Saturday on a solar project we were building.

He walked up and down the stairs of a 450 foot solar tower, guiding the eye of an extremely heavy (7n1/2 pounds per foot) electrical cable—one mistake and the cable is falling 450 feet toward the earth and it will destroy everything in its path, humans included. Chris walked up and down those stairs about four times in a 10 hour day, I asked him on multiple occasions if he wanted me to put someone else on it and he denied me, “I got it!” A few years later we were at the Union Hall, in the parking lot, he was bragging but also complaining about ‘that time’ I made him climb up and down those stairs all day long, how sore he was and how he missed work the following Monday because his legs were still too sore to go to work. He was complaining about how boring the task was, we’re surrounded by several brothers at the time, he’s telling them how I must not have had much faith in him because I had him on the boring job just climbing stairs all day. “Oh really, Chris?! Is that right?”

I told him I could’ve put anyone I wanted on that detail, I chose him, he didn’t choose me. Had that cable pull failed, it would have been catastrophic and I needed a pair of eyes I knew I could trust on it. I just met Chris but I knew he would do his job, he wasn’t someone who was going to stop on the stairs when they’re tired and watch from afar, radioing everything I wanted to hear. I needed Chris on those stairs because I knew he wouldn’t take his eye off of that wire head. His tone changed. It wasn’t until then that he realized he had the most trusted job on the whole task. He was such an awesome dude, I’m going to miss him. We’ve been great friends ever since those stairs, he was actually going to buy my car from me in a couple of weeks, I’m going to miss him. I already do. He had a difficult time saying no to bad things.

I’m trying to keep this article in rhythm without bouncing around from one subject to another too much, I’ve just never done this before. I want to tell you everything I can think of about Chris and I don’t want to leave anything out but there’s just so much: he was a raiders fan, drove a black Chevy truck, was a Union Electrician, always said “you know” after a sentence but he said it really fast so it sounded like one word, “y’no.” He listened to Too Short and Garth Brooks, had a wide range in music preference, he loved his son, his boy is all he ever talked about, he couldn’t keep his demons away.

I only have three pictures of him in my phone; the cover image, the one I’ll show you last, and this one:

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Chris and Ash—about four years ago

There’s an eerie story behind that picture. That beautiful young lady is his wife and mother of his son. I asked her to flip him off like that, for me, so I could take a picture and use it for his contact information in my phone. She didn’t want to do it, she didn’t want anything to do with him at that moment, not even flip him off to his face, she despised him, I was there trying to calm the situation. She didn’t even want to come out in the garage and see me because she didn’t want to be around him. She did, though, for me. The situation being Ash caught him with a face full of cocaine, again. Again. I know, I said it twice. Chris is a different person when he’s on cocaine, he does things like vanishes for a week at a time or worse, cocaine is his devil. Chris did too much today—his body quit working. I hope she doesn’t mind I posted that picture. I considered cutting her out of it but it wouldn’t work. I would’ve had to either cut off his hat to edit out her finger or remove her face, leaving just her middle finger and his face in it, both ways looked wrong. I left it alone, I hope she doesn’t mind.

I don’t know how to end this article. If I had more pictures of him I would show you more. He was shorter than me, about 5 feet, 10 inches tall and a thin build, probably 170 pounds. He was a Union Electrician for about 11 years and called Norco, California, USA home. He had a bunch of tattoos up and down his arms, oh! And his feet, hahahahaha!!! That frikkin guy! Looking down at his bare feet, left to right, his feet are tattooed “don’t” on the top of his right foot and “trip” on the other, lol! That’s funny. “Don’t trip.” I wish he didn’t get that last batch of cocaine. I wish he would’ve called me instead or came down here and hung out with me, anything other than what he did. I wish he would’ve seen his son or his mom or dad or anyone, just anything instead doing what he did. I wish he wouldn’t have done that.

That cover image is from a Union picnic we all hung out at back in 2016, Chris and his partner won the horseshoe tournament. 21 teams competed in the tournament that day, he didn’t stand a chance. Neither him or his partner ever throw horseshoes, they were just competing for the fun of it and comradery of the picnic. He was so proud of himself that day, he held that plaque with pride and had a smile that could be seen for long way. How do I know? Because I was his partner that day. This is a picture of us holding our winning plaques. We donated the $500 purse toward injured and fallen brothers but we loved those plaques, it’s the coolest trophy I’ve ever won.

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Undefeated horseshoe champions of The Bay, 2016

I’m going to miss you, Chris. Typically I don’t list their actual name, Nateb, for example, that’s not his real name. Christopher Michael Edwards, however, that’s not a nickname. Chris was my friend. Thank you, Chris, thanks for always telling me you love me when we hung up the phone, you forced me to say it back, thank you for that! I love you, brother. Thank you for always being so kind and nice to me, you never judged me. I don’t know how to end this, Crazy Chris.

I’m starting a new paragraph because there’s so many things I want to say. I want to tell you about the tricked out dirt bike he built for his son or the ape hanger handlebars he put on his beach cruiser. The gorilla glue I borrowed from him to fix my phone holder, the time we threw darts in his garage or the night we were hanging out in his driveway after a Union picnic. There’s just too many things I’m not going to be able to say now, Chris. He was my neighbor once for about six months in Redwood City, California and got my mail for me when I was gone actually. Now that I think about it, that was about two years ago, today, Chris. When Pura Vida and I celebrated getting married by taking off to Costa Rica. You watched our place for us and got our mail while we were gone. She and I are celebrating two years together, today, as I’m typing this article actually. You were there two years ago and you’re here more than ever today. I wish you wouldn’t have done that, Chris.

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God Bless his family, and bring them comfort in these hard times. Losing a husband/father can be a deviating thing, but I have a hope in me that this family will be stronger than ever and love more than ever.
Thank you @dandays for sharing this, he is only 1 year older than me. It really puts me in my place and helps me realize the dark places God has pulled me from.
God Bless Brother!!!
IBEW Local 77 and local 112
Sending prayers from Washington

God is real dude, anyone who has a tough time accepting that one can have a peak at my past as well bro. I’m still here today, that’s all the proof anyone needs.

Unfortunately, the devil is just as real.

I really appreciate your support brother Splatts, God bless all the fellas outta 77 and 112 and thanks a lot for the Resteem, too, brother. It’s not any easier for me today than it was yesterday. I guess I’m still accepting how much I loved him.

Thanks for stopping by @jlsplatts.

You will meet again one day, team up in the ultimate horseshoe tournament. 😉

My prayers this morning are for your friend Chris, and for his wife and children. May God bless their souls.

I was once a young man and I also got caught up in the tangled web of drugs. I loved my wife and children and worked hard to provide for them but I was also selfish and sometimes put my own desire for entertainment above my responsibility to my family.
I remember (thankfully) one particular drunken occasion when I drove my cousin's pick-up truck off the road and over a cliff. My nose was practically torn off from the impact with the steering wheel, however the greatest pain I felt was the next morning when I had to face my kids and see the suffering that my stupidity and selfishness had caused for them. The scar on my face has long since vanished, but I still feel traces of the anguish that I caused. I realized at that moment that my purpose in life was much more than a platform for my own personal folly.

I made a commitment to myself and my family to change my approach to life...I'm thankful I got another chance....I only wish your friend Chris had gotten one.

You have a lot to say @dandays ...I hope everyone who reads your post will take a look inside and realize what we all mean to each other .

Once more, I share your sadness. I know that you'll do all you can to comfort Chris' family during this terrible time ...call them and tell them you love them...just like I love you .

This just brought a tear to my eye. We love you @carklevicci. I’m glad you stuck around for awhile.

Is it wrong if I said you should turn that story into a post? Because I wish Chris could’ve read it last week.

Thank you for responding, man it sure is nice to see you on #steemit again. I do hope this isn’t a death thing, death has a way of doing that. I hope we see more of you.

You double surprised me, Thank you! First this response and then you posted again after five months:The Passing Of A Friend Of A Friend is it cliche to say that was worth the wait? Thanks for filing that one away on the blockchain, that was a senior move.

You have a lot to say @dandays

Man... I hope that’s a good thing.

Thanks a lot for stopping by @carklevicci, it sure is nice to see you here again. Right on, Chris, I wish it didn’t have to go like this.

My deepest sympathies for the loss of your friend. I couldn't help be moved by your post. Your love for a mate shines through loud and clear, which is a beautiful memory.

You’re too kind to me Sparkesy43, thank you for leaving me such a pleasant comment. I’m reading over my responses now, I’ve been away from Steemit for a few days, these comments are incredible. People whom I’ve never met are writing me things that are so compelling, their (your) words are competing with the emotions in my eyes. Thank you.

Thank you for stopping by @sparkesy43.

Hello @dandays, thank you for sharing this creative work! We just stopped by to say that you've been upvoted by the @creativecrypto magazine. The Creative Crypto is all about art on the blockchain and learning from creatives like you. Looking forward to crossing paths again soon. Steem on!

It sure is a pleasure seeing you Gus, I love it when you stop by, it makes me day!

Thanks for stopping by @creativecrypto.

Hi, I came to your blog because you and I were commenting to each other on a blog by @doomsdaychassis. I thought you were funny and figured you were probably someone I wanted to follow. When I got here, I see this post. Literally in tears. This hits so close to home, you could be talking about my son. Cocaine. Fucking shit. The difference is that he got busted and put in prison, instead of losing his life, which I'm sure he was very close to. I'm going to print out this blog and send to him, another reminder that people do truly care and have regrets thinking they should have been able to help. I know in those last days, after he had lost his job, lost his family (2 kids and wife), and before he got arrested, it was like being in the way of train wreck and nothing you could do to stop it but watch that headlight bearing down on you. But at least now he is clean and realizing what happened. I only hope and pray that when he gets out, he remains as committed as he is now to staying away from that life. I'm so sorry you lost your friend, and I know how helpless you feel and so very very saddened by the waste of a good person to the tragedy of addiction. In my humble opinion, your story was a very good thing. It makes people realize that there was a real, living, breathing GOOD person there, who fought those demons and lost.

Woah! That was a powerful reply, thank you! Chris’s service was yesterday, what a great turn out. I believe if Chris knew 300 people would show up to his memorial service on just a 6 day notice, and his son would be in the front row, playing, acting like a little kid who doesn’t understand daddy will never come back, he wouldn’t have done that last bump.

I’ll never understand the marketing ploy in cutting cocaine with fentynal, it just doesn’t make sense to me why they want their customers to O.D.

I’m sorry you have to communicate to your son through collect calls and bullet-proof glass.

I really appreciate you stopping by my page to check me out, this is the only article I’ve done like this, I can only pray I don’t have to do it again. For a long time at least. It’s a pleasure to have you @blueeyes8960, stick around, I bet you’ll laugh at something. Maybe just a typo but it’ll be #funny! 😉

Thanks a lot for stopping by @blueeyes8960, pleasure getting to know you.

I'm sure the service was tough but it's great that he had so many people there to mourn his passing. The "if onlys" are limitless in this kind of situation. It doesn't make you feel better for people to say "well he made those decisions to do drugs". They need to look up #addiction in the dictionary! I'm glad to have made your acquaintance, hang in there, my new friend.

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😥🙏

howdy there dandays...I'm so sorry to hear about this, I'll be praying for everyone involved, I wish I would have seen this earlier but I'm usually a few days behind here. You gave Chris a fine tribute that I'm sure he would have enjoyed. I'm praying for you all and Chris's family. God bless you.

There you again winning the nice guy of the year award. Thank you, sir, I’m glad you appreciated the tribute. I couldn’t think of anything else to do, other than write, so that’s what I did when I got the news and then I went radio silent.

The service was fantastic janton! It was really nice. There was at least 250 people on a short, 6 day notice, that was awesome! Had Chris known we would all be there to pay our respects and his 5 year old boy was going to be playing in the front row, like a 5 year old does when they don’t understand daddy will never come back, I believe he would have made better decision.

Thanks a lot for stopping by @janton. Last week was terrible.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that and my heart aches for his wife and son! wow. God will protect and guide them though if they have their trust in Him.

You gave me the chills just now. Oh yes, they believe! As did Chris, he was part of my random bible verse recipients. Chris is with Jesus now being trained at the highest level.

Sorry to hear about your buddy passing friend
I can relate and know the feeling.
You need anything hit me up friend

Thank you @geneeverett, really, my #steemit friends have been so supportive toward me since day one, you included, and this unexpected death of my great friend is no exception.

Not one day has been easier, I’ve been hoping they would be for three mornings in a row now.

I’ve buried my mother, my grandparents, uncles, a few friends along the way, death is no stranger to me. But it’s yet to be an effortless task and this one hurts a lot more than I’m prepared for.

Thanks for stopping by @geneeverett.

I’m really glad you wrote this! May he be with his angels now 😇

I wish I was. I hope it’s a good thing. My eyes are cheeks are doing the same thing this morning as they were yesterday.

May Chris rest in peace! I'm sure he's in a better place now as with most cool people. My elder brother died young too. I tend to get very sentimental around end of the year. Take care!

I’m sorry for the loss of your brother, that’s terrible, bad things shouldn’t happen to good people. I wish today was easier than yesterday, it isn’t. I’m glad I clicked the post button when I did, I wish I didn’t have to.

Thanks a lot for stopping by @wittywheat, I appreciate you taking the time to read about Chris and leave me a line. God bless you and yours, happy Sunday!

It gets easier with time. The first few months will be tough. Then, we all go through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance (the five stages of grief). Wishing you and family a pleasant week ahead! @dandays

I just returned to this response because I couldn’t remember the five. Thanks for putting it here for me.

Merry Christmas!

Thanks for being unequivocally sincere, with no concession, and I am sure Chris does appreciate your words , while watching the show backstage

Thank you, Ed, thanks for always being supportive and cool. Know that I got your back ‘round here, don’t think it.

Thanks for stopping by @edprivat.

My pleasure brother !

Tough stuff, way too young, children left behind, tears in my eyes.
May God watch over his family and provide them with some peace during this most difficult time.
The love shared between two guys can be so special, and your sharing of these fond memories only paint a picture of your very special relationship.

(This is that last one I was talking about, sir, I’m down to 70.07% now, I’m going to have to back out of #steemit for the remainder of the day)

I didn’t know it would be tougher for me to read what I wrote, today, versus actually writing it, yesterday. It’s tougher today. I don’t mind waking up with a post in my mind, I enjoy it. I do mind waking up hoping the post I wrote wasn’t real. It’s real.

Rough day for me, man. I thought these eyes and cheeks were all worked out from yesterday and last night but they’re doing the same thing this morning, even before the sun was out. Now that the sun is out I think it’s even worse than yesterday. I hope tomorrow isn’t like this. The sun is beginning to shine now and they’re still doing it.

Pura Vida says she’s glad I wrote this. A few of my Union Brothers are thankful I put this together, it just felt right to write about him immediately following the news. What do you think? Should I have kept it to myself? Maybe I should have waited a few days? You’ve existed longer than me, what do you think? Thank you.

Thanks for stopping by @thebigsweed. If I learned anything from this experience, it’s make their F’ing phone ring instead of an F’ing text!! ...Eye’fa King wish I woulda called him.

Because of the nature of this post I can't imagine how difficult it had to be.
Sometimes guys have a hard time allowing true emotions to surface, we feel it may make us vulnerable.
To allow yourself to express your feelings, with the passing of your friend, with your emotions still raw with grief, speaks volumns of a friendship that had to be special.
The timing thing was your call, as it could only be.
To make that decision, and act on it with such passion, in my book is honorable.

Peace be with you brother!

Thank you @thebigsweed, I needed that. I saw that you resteemed this, too, imagine this ‘thank you’ much bigger than these letters.

This is my screenshot to the Brothers this morning, I wanted to show you.

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I don’t see myself posting anything this week, I hope next week is better. I don’t want to erase Chris’s post and image from the top of my feed. I hope I’m able to do it at another time.

The wonderful sense of humor you have and your willingness to share it with others will return, as found memories of Chris will replace the sorrow that presently fills your heart.

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Hi there,
I've just upvoted this post
A small contribution from me, to help the steem community to thrive ;)

Thank you. Sorry for the delayed response, I was away from Steemit for a week. Thanks for stopping by @digital.mine.

my pleasure

I'm so sorry for your loss :(

(Dammit! I just realized your comment is 7 days old!!)

Sorry it took me so long to respond.

Last week was rough, that’s putting it mildly. I stayed away from here and just about everywhere. I really appreciate your kind words.

Thanks for stopping by @delishtreats.

No worries :) I hope you're doing well and that you're back on track..

Oh @dandays I am so sorry....what a horrible, horrible tragedy! Prayers to you, @puravidaville and of course his wife and family. Sounds like you had an amazing friend, so sorry his life was cut short. Blessings and peace to you my friend

Thank you @birdsinparadise. We appreciate the kind thoughts and blessings.

Sorry for the delayed response. Thanks a lot for stopping a line. Last week was horrible. That one hurt a whole, whole lot. Eventually the good will show itself ad things will get easier, hopefully that’s sooner than later.

Thanks a lot for stopping by @birdsinparadise.

Looking down from the top of the 450’ tower.

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Chris hiked up and down those stairs for 10 hours. RIP homie, Merry Christmas brother. I love you.

Man I am so sorry I didn't see this sooner. Thank you so much for sharing this. It is beautiful. I am glad you had Chris in your life. Reading this tribute warmed my heart and made my own life just a tiny bit better.

@dollarsandsense, sooner or later is fine with me, I’m just glad you saw it. Thank you so much!

I believe Chris would have made different decisions had he known nearly 300 of us would pack a mortuary on just 6 days notice while his 5 year old boy played with hot wheels in the front row because he doesn’t understand daddy will never come back.

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