I Wish I believed In Religion

in life •  2 years ago

If you are a frequent reader of my posts, you should know that sometimes I tend to think on the more negative side of things. In fact, much of my beliefs stem from believing the worst in humanity. This sometimes creates an inner confliction within me because I don’t want to be a pessimist, I want to look at every situation in an optimistic light but doing so would clash with what I believe the outcome will be. In being a pessimist, I have also found that I am often stressed and become too invested in this life because deep down inside I don’t believe there is a god or a greater being watching over us. With a belief of no afterlife I struggle to make this life as best as I can because It’s the only chance I’ll get. I identify myself as an agnostic mostly not because I believe there is a possibility for a god, but I desperately want there to be.

I don’t want to believe that all the mistake I have made can never be remedied and that once its over, its over. I look around me and I often find that many of the religious people I meet seem happy with what life has given them because they expect the afterlife to be much grander. Part of me wishes that I too believed the same thing. I wrote a post a while ago about how I wished I was ignorant and happy, which I would call this a follow up to.

I was actually raised going to church and both my parents are somewhat believers in a Christian god. When we started playing sports, we stopped going to church, but even as a young skeptic I remember thinking that much of what we were being told was just stories like the stories of the Roman and Greek Gods. I don’t think I grasped the reality that people actually took it seriously and abide by the rules as intensely as some do. We weren’t a catholic church so I never had to confess or feel guilt for anything I did, and in the grand scheme of things our church was about as casual as they came. When I was around 12 or 13 we stopped going almost entirely and I haven’t been back since.

People talk about the church and other religious organizations brainwashing people and while I do believe that to an extent, I almost envy those being brainwashed. I often make this reference, but if you have ever seen the movie “Shallow Hal” with Jack Black who plays a character who brainwashed into viewing people’s appearance as a manifestation of their inner beauty, you would understand the beauty that believing in something can bring. In the movie he starts dating a woman who everyone else sees as an obese grotesque woman, but to him he sees a gorgeous woman and is extremely happy with his life. I want the same thing to happen to me in a way, to believe in something greater that is pulling the strings so I can pull some of the burden off myself for the mistakes I constantly make.

Happiness is something that is a matter of perspective and my negative perspective often doesn’t allow me to create it. Giving me something to live for and believe in would change my life. Even if I think about cults like “Heaven’s Gate” who all committed suicide, part of my messed up brain thinks about how happy they must have been thinking they were going to the promise land during the days leading up to when they drank the coolade.

I think faith in something can be a powerful motivator and force that can ultimately help you live a better and more rounded life, but I just can’t help but look at everything with the lens of a complete skeptic. Doing this ends up making me believe that most of what I am seeing and hearing is impossible, which makes me sort of sad in a way. I want to believe more than anything, but my brain is just not capable of letting it sink in. Some people take the idea that only having one life is a reason to make the most of it, and I agree, but at the same time it makes me feel like the life im leading is a disappointing one.

My hope is that something will come along to persuade me otherwise, but I honestly don’t see that happening. I view almost all religions as the way I view fairytales for children, interesting and sometimes entertaining, but lacking any truth. Im trying though, im trying to see the light and convince myself otherwise, for myself, for my health and most of all for my happiness.


Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.
If you enjoyed what you read here, create your account today and start earning FREE STEEM!
Sort Order:  

Now this post gets my upvote as this is written really from the heart and interesting unlike so many posts that get massive amounts of votes for nothing.
I completely share your views as I have felt that we have been told fairy tales for so long with no proof. On the other side I feel like you and hope that something does come to light so we can have that faith we really desire

Perhaps you think like this because you haven't met a lot of people who have given up on this life for the same reason, because there is something better waiting for them after death, because they believe in something better after. People have not only taken their own life over this mentality, but they have taken the lives of others trying to spare them.

I too grew up with Christian parents and I am glad to be over the torment of thinking I will have to impress some deity to avoid suffering.

Why do you have to believe in an afterlife to believe there is an order to things? Can you not believe in one/several benelovent force driving us or taking care of us unless it also promises us happiness after death?

Its good to know that you used to live a christian life. Those questions you have in mind are implications that you need something. Your soul is looking for it and that you don't know what it is. If you believe that human consist of body, spirit, and soul, you also believe that a human soul needed to be satisfied to complete yourself.

It's alright for a person to be asking the questions you have right now because it only means that you are seeking for happiness, a real happiness.

These 3 books will help you believe...did you know there was a scientific study of 8 million near death experiences? ...8 million!! Including Athiests, Hindus, Christians, Jews and Muslims. 1st book listed below is about the 8 million NDE study. Books: "Imagine Heavan" by John Burke, "The Thee Heavans" by John Hagee and "My Time in Heavan" by Richard Sigmund....well and then the "New Testment" by God;)

there's a difference in not believing in God and not permitting God to exist. You seem sincere, open and searching. I know what that longing is inside you, but that's something you'll discover as you go on. Good luck on the journey :)

excellent post, very good view, thanks for sharing. congratulations on another brilliant post friend @ calaber24p

Life isn't about happines. You want to be part of something bigger than you. Find a goal worth acheving, something that will give your life meaning.


Real happiness could not be achieved by just doing the things you like but also by doing the things that you have to do.


The question is what are the things you have to do?


The purpose of life.


What is the purpose of life?


To serve the creator which is God.


Happiness is for beginners, that's what I always say. After a while you can start to appreciate everything that is, everything that happens, because all is a great gift from the world. There's no good, no bad thing, just joyful experience.


Sure, then you get cancer and joyful experience ends.

Thanks for your honest heart felt sharing.

This post has been linked to from another place on Steem.

Learn more about and upvote to support linkback bot v0.5. Flag this comment if you don't want the bot to continue posting linkbacks for your posts.

Built by @ontofractal

this post reminds me of

I found myself thinking the same thing in the past, but I have different view point these days. I can even say that I believe in God which in the past that idea would disgust me. Of course I look at "God" differently than most people. I think of good as the energy that is everything that is also you and me. After an intense mushroom experience once I discovered that "All is One" or as Bill Hicks says, we are one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. Just my own crazy two cents. Nice post

Hi @calaber24

I post a Daily Scripture (Almost daily) If you would like to, you can read it. The one in the link has a photo that speak a 1000 words. (I don't know if the person in the photo is religious, but this how content we should be no matter what)

I respect this. I am a believer. Not because I want to believe, I believe because I have experienced God and the Holy Spirit.

When people assume I am brainwashed. Fine. Whatever. I was brain washed by what I have experienced.

I go to church every Sunday, because I do enjoy the community, and I enjoy worship in a formal setting. It gives me a community outside of work. And they are a community that helps, they babysit my daughter, and other things. We help each other out.

But based on your closing lines, I think you are searching. One could argue the Spirit is calling to you.

Why not believe just in nature?!

I also had a catholic education, every Saturday or Sunday I spent an hour listening to that stories...but just that. I don't regret because they were important in the process of creating values. Nowadays I believe in science, and when I need some "faith"...I concentrate in the ocean, forests...and it fits perfectly.