I respect this. I am a believer. Not because I want to believe, I believe because I have experienced God and the Holy Spirit.

When people assume I am brainwashed. Fine. Whatever. I was brain washed by what I have experienced.

I go to church every Sunday, because I do enjoy the community, and I enjoy worship in a formal setting. It gives me a community outside of work. And they are a community that helps, they babysit my daughter, and other things. We help each other out.

But based on your closing lines, I think you are searching. One could argue the Spirit is calling to you.