I've been getting around to writing this for a while now, more or less since I realised that I have a philosophy in life that got me off the losers' slippery slope and placed me on a mediocrity plain.

Ultimately. this has been created as a response to posts by @smashedturtle (View of oneself versus the world, about the need to pretend) and @tomosan (Depressing competing culture and it's influence on one's self-esteem, about how it's easy to fall into rivalry and losing oneself). Sadly, both in Polish only. That said, @smashedturtle tends to write in English as well so we might expect her to translate her article.

Based on a Public Domain picture from NASA

Let's start with a brief introduction

I'm not sure when I first heard about the imposter syndrome [Wikipedia]. I do know however when I first met a person suffering from it, other than me (not even sure if I suffered from it at a time). He was a really OK guy, and at some point he just faded away. Completely. He was paralysed by the need to fulfil even a simplest task. Shortly after he changed jobs and I had a chat with my manager who said he asked about it: "Steven, what's wrong? you came here, you were managing everything, everyone thinks you're a great engineer and now you just faded" - "Apparently everyone's wrong" - he said. He gave up, but not fully - from what I've heard he still is an engineer a and still copes with work well.

A couple years ago I tried to do something about it till I was told there was no reason for me to keep coding and I will be moved to a role referred to by some as a "development retirement". After four years in my professional career. Two days later I was looking for work in London. I wasn't fed up or anything, it's been planned before. I got two offers, chose a better one and a week later I quit. From the interviews I remember two things: I spoke openly about what people thought in my job at a time and that I would not agree with it, and that I was surprised that I was coping with it. Even the agent asked me about that. How not to be surprised if you make mistakes and everyone is annoyed at you and if not, you keep telling yourself they are annoyed and you best deal with things that no one else wants to pick up?

I changed jobs, the demons remained. I was almost broken as the guy I mentioned, but I had a smart manager that helped me escape it. I think that's when I first heard the name: the imposter syndrome

And so I began baking, but more on it is available somewhere else. The bread helped me work out a healthy approach in an area where I don't have to prove anything. My life's goal: not to have to: be better, errorless, a tough guy with cojones putting Pluto to shame. Not to have to show that everything I make is perfect. To be able to let go, admin that others are better and it's OK. And to be happy that my friends are so smart. And to learn from them.

Just to make it clear: my bagels are better than your bagels. So good that my Mother-in-law asked me to make them when she visited. If you need such good bagels, you will need a good reciple and being me (I don't have a recipe for this, sorry)

I am mediocre

There's a nice lady that can talk. She can talk so well that she's known through her TED Talks. She's Brené Brown and she discusses the power of vulnerability. I used to listen to her over and over again. One of the most important messages messages I got from her was that it's ok to be imperfect and not to be ashamed of it. Or at least that is what I remembered. And most of all, something that isn't necessarily treated as a strength by others might be a source of power.

I admire my friends for their ability to manage their lives. When I look at my life it feels that I have more luck than control. I feel average among bakers - and some could only dream about making a kaisersemmel like mine. I feel average among software devs - and many people ask me for help or advice.

Kaiser roll anyone?

But it's all fine. It takes courage to be average and not pretend one is not. I tend to have it. Sometimes I am afraid, but I do tend to have it.

Now the most important part: What group am I mediocre in? When I meet my uni friends, I feel well behind. At work it varies. As a baker I view myself as an amateur that knows a thing or two. I can bake some 15-20 loaves a week and still consider myself amateur. A ship cook can bake using recipes from my page and I will still consider myself amateur. And the reason is simple - everyone I know is better than me in something, so I am worse than someone in every aspect. It's easy to break down with this, right? Well, wrong. I am average, but it doesn't mean I'm the worst. The peer review group matters here.

Now about my mediocrity belt theory. In the Solar System, the Sun is in the middle. It knows it's the best, we know it's the best. It doesn't need to prove anything, it simply knows. Then Mercury and Venus - typical rivals that overdo it so they burn a little bit. The Earth - spot on. Many of us would like to be so balanced, with similar achievements - it managed to get some life on itself. It's not perfect though - people shit on it. Mars - it's trying and it's still more than most. Probably somewhere along the way it could have been like the Earth, who knows. The asteroid belt - the mediocre area. Jupiter - giant rebel. Saturn, Uran - they are similar, slightly farther away, slightly smaller. Neptune - the extreme shorty, same as Pluto.

The mediocrity belt - that's where most of as are with our skills. Sometimes we'll hit the Earth-like success, sometimes we will turn against the flow and will land dwarf-planet-like at the edge like Pluto. But we need to realise that most of us are average. And this is good.

I feel like the world is convinced mediocrity is wrong and therefore people try to stand out. They travel, fight for some tyre manufacturer's stars, build a home made cancer surgery robot in their workshops. Or they add colour to their showing off for a greater wow effect. Or they lie. I remember some Russian services where one could buy fake holiday memories to hide that they could only afford a bus to another city. Or recording a fake talkshow with a host's lookalike.

Maybe the problem is because mediocrity is real? I don't know. I simply accepted that their are matters where if I push too much, I will and up with shat pants, but I will not succeed. Now way. And it's fine.

In a self-deprecation amok it's easy to forget how much one has achieved and how much one has. It's also easy to lose a goal or to never specify one. I have my goal: decide where to live. If I get past this, I'll have new ones: get a house, make it a home. It's all downhill from there: raise kids, get them good shoes for the hike through life, care for my wife more than so far, wait for grandchildren, die. Exciting, isn't it? So much to win!
Oh, and maybe I'll open a bakery when I finally on't have to.

An example of another totally average person. Public Domain, taken from Wikipedia

What did mediocrity give me?

I realised that I'm neither super wonderful nor super hopeless. It's not like nobody likes me or they have a problem with me. If they do, it's their problem and they need to deal with it somehow, but I'm happy to help if they would like me to.

I understand now that while it's important to me to make everyone happy, I cannot forget that I'm one of the everyone. And if I cannot make others happy, I should at least try to satisfy myself.

I understand that if I don't know something, it's not my defect. It's just a fact that I can, but don't have to, do something about.

I understand that one doesn't need superpowers to become a superhero to someone, but must be aware that there is a responsibility on one that wants to remain a superhero.

I understand that I need to make mistakes and fail. Things must not work out. If they did, it was a coincidence. Repeat.

I understand that if I know something, I doubt have to deprecate or hide it. And I can share it with others.

Totally average people eating my bread (Source: @buttpacker )

I understand that if I try to write a motivational article about my life's philosophy, it will be average and I will feel embarrassed while reading it. Bit it won't be better. And maybe I am wrong. Confront me. Please.

What can I tell you?

If you consider yourself the most horrible person in the world, you are probably making bad judgement.
If you consider yourself the most wonderful person in the world, you are probably making bad judgement.
You are good enough.

Who are you? Who did you want to be?

I have nothing to say here. This is a place for your article.

I love being wrong. Feel free to prove I am.