#Killthepad Challenge Week 3 - Freedom

in #killthepad6 years ago

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Artwork by Scuzzy

Hi guys, as you’ve probably noticed from my previous posts, I like to write raps. And the Killthepad contest by Jamesgetsit allows me to showcase that. Shouts out to SMA and dsound for their contributions as well. The theme for this week is Freedom. Hope you enjoy it.

FREEDOM

Tis the clarion call to start the marches so don’t you panic/
Fantastic, the masses getting drastic in their advances/
Strike the matches, throw opinions with vats of acids/
To corrupt parties and governments who enslave them with large whips/
Classic, when it comes to crafting these bars I'm mad sick/
So composed, when I sleep deaf people dance to my heart beat/
Check the resume, and see how much I'm woke gee/
When I wave, all you see split, I'm a stronger Moses/ (sea)
Ancient gods above me see my words are golden/
Teleported out mum’s belly cause I was claustrophobic/
We sing songs and drink rum, then claim we free born/
Independence day a façade, want a real taste of freedom?
Think Gannicus, winning the Primus, leaving the ludus/
Steven Hawking, without the disease, now he can focus/
An autistic child, wakes up to find out he can plot a lotus/
Or a minority, and your race produces the next Potus!
But do I speak truly? When these wide lips moving?
Might be grown but everything I like still stupid/
"Don't follow the media, we should try improving"
Then ignore basic needs so I can buy this Gucci?
See my mind's still looping, and I'm begging for free air/
Unaware I'm free like an elephant tied to kid’s chair/
I played it safe, sky’s the limit is what class taught
Smart one! Before I asked some how come they got Mars rocks ?
They looked sad, coughed, showed me snapshots we took after blast off/
I was there all along,
Free… but a prisoner of my thoughts/

~Written by ulqu3

@originalworks

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You had some great wordplay here, but I would caution you to not use so much filler. The topic is freedom, and there were a few bars that literally had nothing to do with that at all.

With that being said, man, really liked some of these bars.

"Don't follow the media, we should try improving"
Then ignore basic needs so I can buy this Gucci?
See my mind's still looping, and I'm begging for free air/
Unaware I'm free like an elephant tied to kid’s chair/

Really nice my dude! I see you brought up some more multis in the bars, I would now say the next step is to bring in some multi-syllable rhymes, 3+ syllables per rhyme would be dope.

Thanks for participating!

Weren't really filler. More like setups.
Mind pointing out which you think were filler?

Classic, when it comes to crafting these bars I'm mad sick/
So composed, when I sleep deaf people dance to my heart beat/
Check the resume, and see how much I'm woke gee/
When I wave, all you see split, I'm a stronger Moses/ (sea)
Ancient gods above me see my words are golden/
Teleported out mum’s belly cause I was claustrophobic/

^^All filler. I define filler as not being on topic. These are some cool bars, don't get me wrong, but just out of place in a topical challenge.

Okay. I can see how that would look like filler.

I was going with the being woke(enlightened) angle.
You can't break free of bondage if you are ignorant to it.
The teleportation bar was a comical way of expressing my dislike of being trapped.

Guess I didn't frame it well enough to blend with the verse. Thanks for pointing that out.

I can definitely see the teleportation bar, makes sense... I was thinking about the "woke" line a bit, but the setup wasn't executed properly. That could've worked with something leading up to it showing the contrast between you and the "sheep" or "awakened" etc, but by itself just seemed like filler.

Kicked ass though, loved the verse

Thank you. Can't wait for the next one!

Thank you. Can't wait for the next one!

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your pen is sharp son.... keep at it

Thank you!

"See my mind's still looping, and I'm begging for free air
Unaware I'm free like an elephant tied to kid’s chair"

Was funny and it rimmed very well!

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