This is Who I am

I've been waiting in the shadows to introduce myself, like I do in most social situations. Am I good enough? Does anyone really want to listen to what I have to say? These last few years have been a journey out of this kind of anxiety for me. I don't think I'll ever be the one that flamboyantly enters a room and declares myself, and if that's the way it appears to you, that's because I have you bluffed!

For this 'introduce myself' post I'm doing what the Buddha did to Mara, that is, sitting down and having a cup of tea with him and saying 'I see you, Mara' - if you can read 'Mara' as my self doubt and anxiety, you'll understand what I mean. I posted it about it here (by the way, how do you put hyperlinks in a post?): https://steemit.com/life/@riverflows/the-buddha-and-mara

I came to Steemit because my husband dabbles in cryptocurrency and he thought I might be interested in this, because I do enjoy writing and blogging, but most of all communicating with people in this manner because in real life, I can be tongue tied. The written word makes it easier for me to articulate how I feel - and I'm all about feeling and emotion (last year I got a heart tattoed on my forearm to acknowledge that part of me, rather than hide it in shame, like I have done most of my life - why do we always compare ourselves to other people? - enough of that!).

I've always been a surfer of some sort - from short boards in my youth to stand up paddleboarding, which I've done for eight years now, which is a bit of a constant explanation for people. It's not just paddling on the flat, though that can be fun - I actually SURF WAVES on it. I'm a bit older than the young bikini clad surfer chics so people have a bit of a hard time really recognising what I do. As if not wearing a bikini means you can't rip up a beautiful green face of a wave. Ugh.
The ocean brings me closer to joy, to truly being in the moment, which brings me a lot of happiness. Water in general is my jam - give me water and I'm happy. Mind you, I'm a fan of nature in all her glory - desert stars, green top mountains.

So does yoga, which I've done since I was a teenager. This has taken up even more room in my life of late as I qualified as a yoga teacher last year (such an achievement, and such a journey) and it's allowing me to access a happiness and peace I've never thus known. I used to read a LOT - I'm a big fan of writing and literature as it allowed me to escape and get close to beauty. I'm not sure why I don't read fiction as much these days - I feel like I've read myself out and it's not providing me with the answers and comfort it used to. I'm getting more joy from getting closer to the heart of nature through movement, meditation and contemplation of the divine (what ever that might mean to you - there's a sense of ecstasy in it, a joy and expansiveness of heart that connects me to all things - we truly aren't alone - but I don't subscribe to any particular religion - though if I made a choice, it would be vipassana and insight meditation, if you're familiar with it).

Since I've been on Steemit I've posted a bit and met some pretty cool crew, so I'm really excited about it in a way I haven't been excited about the internet in a very long time. It used to be an anarchic space. Now it's all advertisements and censorship and you have to be smart and DIG to find truth. Even here I'm skeptical and worried, but I've met some great people I can't find on instagram anymore (because it's all advertisements) or Facebook (because it's all advertisements or the same old friends, and no one writes - they just tell me about their kids and the weather - sorry!). I miss days of communicating with poets, artists, anarchists, travelers, gypsies. That seems to be on Steemit, if you can go past all the posts about upvoting and buying popularity. Sure, it would be cool to get some cash for my posts but I'm not sure that's the main reason I'm here. Connections to people are important.

I live on land in Australia. We used to live as new age travelers in England, in a horse lorry, and a library lorry (pictured above) years ago, but the opportunity came up for us to move closer to my family and have some land to do what we want on - have chickens, grow vegetables, do projects, light fires, watch the sun go down. We still travel alot - last year Burma, next year India and back 'home' to England (I'm Australian, my husband is English). Burma was amazing - we travelled with a Burmese nun and two meditators who took us to the heart of vipassana, the meditation centre where this branch of Buddhist meditation grew out and blossomed from - now they're got centres all over the world. I'll write about that soon I think. There's so many interesting things to write about, and so little time!

We still build vehicles and do them up to live in, travel in - but I guess because they are awesome creative projects and give us the sense of the possibility of movement and the gypsy life. We really love our garden, which is another source of inspiration, creative and peace for us.

I guess we are do-ers. We like doing - creating, building, making, moving, dreaming, travelling, surfing, writing, listening to music. If you're that kind of folk, you're my kind of folk.

Would love to meet you.

Eek, I'm going to hit post now!