Police Brutality Used to Cover Up Female Secret Society.

On Friday Sept 8th a female; off duty Dallas police officers shot and killed an unarmed black man after “mistaking the man’s apartment for her own.” While mainstream media was happy to use the woman’s profession as the premier talking point due to recent events involving race relations and police work IMP investigators have found a deeper truth, BITCHES BE CRAZY.

While somewhat known as a social norm the statement has been used to explain away hundreds of late night texts while out with the boys, and even manic rants about “where this is going”. What is little known is that there is a powerful group of women hidden in the shadows that employee thousands of spin artist world wide and have been responsible for explaining away female craziness for centuries. Known by many names over the years to includes Medusa’s Menstrual Maidens, Lilith’s Lair and Oprah’s Book Club, the group has created a network under the guise of female empowerment bringing us such things as the Lifetime network, Oxygen and Bravo.

The massive machine runs on dollars brought in by their entertainment arm which in congress with the for mentioned networks includes books like Chicken Soup for the Soul and a vast vaaaast collection of romance novels. Many would think that the profits from such a large empire would be the primary goal however the majority of funds generated are used to either keep the serious crazy lady stories under wraps or spin them in a manner that reduces perceived craziness.

“A teenage girl shoots a man’s wife, he made her do it. A broad drowns her kids in a lake, postpartum depression they say. A woman chops of her husband’s wiener in his sleep, she was abused. Now a chick shoots a dude she used to date? Cops just be shooting random black people in their apartments for no reason. They got it all figured out man I’m telling you”

The quoted man requested that his identity be kept secret for his safety, but he claims to have first hand knowledge of the goings on inside of the cabal.

“where’d I find out about this? Shit, ok so I go out with this chick back in like 2005.Everything is cool you know? Then one night after about a month of dating I stay out with the boys until like 4 just haven a good ass time. Well I’m walking into my apartment and next thing I know someone hits me in the head and I wake up on some kind of alter with Destiny’s Child playing in the background and this bitch straddling me with a sharpened hair brush. I look over and what do I see but Taylor swift in one of those hanging chairs telling her to “cut me for my sins”. Absolutely insane!"

The man went on to explain that after he promised to never miss another text again the woman let him go unharmed and later informed him of her role in the group because they were “forever bonded now”.

IMP- What happened to the woman?

Man- I married her dog! She said if I didn’t her and Brittney Spears were going to turn me into a ken doll and make me pee sitting down, apparently they have a camp for dudes that don’t listen. Haven’t taken more than 60 seconds to respond to any text in 13 years though.

According to source the assassination of the Dallas man was planned for months as the officer involved and her girls visited Tarot card readers and psychics, the ladies would finish off their planning phase with a night of wine and Snapped. Leaders of the group eventually signed off on the plan because it was so easy to convince the public that the shooting was over racism and police brutality given the latest Nike commercial with Colin Kaepernick. However in reality it was just a girl jonesing for that sweet D

Signing off, and please for the love of God do not tell my wife.