Funny TV News: A Comedy Deconstruction of TV News in America

in humor •  10 months ago

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Naked News is a Canadian news and entertainment program owned by Naked Broadcasting Network.

In America we keep hearing about Fake News. That is kind of surprising because TV News is entertainment. Take the Naked News from the Naked News Broadcasting Network in Canada.

The Naked News has beautiful women (and some men), stripping nude as they report the latest news, weather and sports. That sure beats the hell out of Wolf Blitzer's tired looking ass.

A Problem with News in the US
The term Entertainment News is an oxymoron, two opposite ideas that are joined together, like Jumbo Shrimp or Empowered Stripper. What's worse, a large portion of our society get their news from comedy shows like The Daily Show or Morning Joe.

The Real FakeNews at 11
How about a News show in the US that drops the hypocrisy altogether, and admits that it is an entertainment platform? Let's take a look inside and deconstruct TV News in America!

Production Assistant-2.jpg ... Quiet on the set.

News Opener - Music(Audio by Voice Master) "This is the Real FakeNews Report”

2SHOT ANCHORS

Jack GoffSandy Feet

2Shot Anchors.jpg

Jack: Tornados have devastated the midwest and Kellyanne Conway's hair. Hi I’m Jack Goff.
Sandy: And I’m Sandy Feet. The latest on Michael Cohen in court, find out what the Judge said that's raising eyebrows. And Presidents, Prostitutes and Pee-pee, new revelations from the James Comey book! All that and more coming up on the Real FakeNews Report.

Jack: But first, here’s what’s happening in your world, if you happen to live where something happened that was interesting enough to make the show.

PETA Member KilledVegetarian InjuredStormy, THOT or Ho(t)?
cougar-portrait.jpgv8-original-100-vegetable-juice.jpgSnap 2018-04-22 at 14.51.06.png

In California an endangered Mountain Lion critically injured a member of PETA who was attempting to give it mouth to mouth. The Mountain Lion mauled the PETA worker who later died, of stupidity.

In Miami a vegetarian is in critical condition after suffering from exhaustion while lifting a can of V8.

Across America the debate rages, Stormy Daniels: Empowered Woman, THOT or Golddiggin Ho? The latest poll.

Sandy: We begin with political news out of Washington. Let's go to our Washington-

ISO Sandy
Snap 2018-04-18 at 19.10.49.png-Bureau Chief. Too-da-loo Runningman is at the White House. Too-da-loo.
Washington Package

Snap 2018-04-19 at 09.42.13.png

"Thank you Sandy. Today in Washington nothing happened. There were no new revelations in the Comey book. In fact, no one said anything at all. What's more, no one did anything either. There is just nothing to report.

An unexpected result of nothing happening in Washington is that apparently for one day comedians around the country forgot their obsession with Trump and started doing comedy again. Let’s hope that trend continues.

(audio from Voice Master)“… for the Real FakeNews, I’m Toluse Olorunnipa. Back to you.”

Snap 2018-04-18 at 19.10.49.png Let’s hope so. Thank you Yanni Antetokounmpo.

2SHOT ANCHORS
Lionel-Erin.jpg

Sandy: Meanwhile, I'll look for a way to make that story about me.
Jack: Sandy, I think you just did. Next up, Entertainment news with "back from TV Host exile" Billy Bush.

Billy-Bush-jpg.jpg

"Yeah, I'm back doing some bullshit podcast for FOX and correspondent work for you assholes at Real FakeNews. Fine, let's get this over with... (grumbling to himself) I got fired from NBC for some bullshit anyway. I didn't even say anything. Trump said it. But I get fired and that motherfucker becomes President!"

Production Assistant-2.jpg
"Um, Billy, your mic is on. We can hear you.
(Pause...)
Billy-Bush-jpg.jpg

Billy: Again? (Heavy sigh)

Meryl StreepTaylor SwiftSolo: A Star Wars Story
MV5BMTU4Mjk5MDExOF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwOTU1MTMyMw@@._V1_UY317_CR6,0,214,317_AL_.jpgrs_1080x1920-171107070604-1080.taylor-swift.11717.jpgSnap 2018-04-22 at 15.35.19.png
Another 'effin Oscar?New Song Suck?Better Not Suck!

"It's not even awards season yet; but, actress Meryl Streep has won an Oscar for her role in winning Oscars.

Taylor Swift released a good song. This is Fake News right? So yeah, Taylor Swift released a good song.

And the world anxiously awaits Solo: A Star Wars Story, anticipating..no, more like hoping that it will be better than the last Star Wars movie. Or at the very least, hoping that it won't be worse. Because honestly the last one was terrible. That’s real shit on Real FakeNews! I’m a life long Star Wars fan and I can’t even remember the name of the goddamned movie, it sucked so bad. Fuck Kathleen Kennedy!

…Back to you."

BROLL

ISO JackWeather Segment
Snap 2018-04-19 at 14.25.11.pngNow FakeNews Weather with 80's sensations the Weather Girls.
2ShotWeather Package

Snap 2018-04-19 at 14.44.31.png

Hi, hi we're your weather girls
Ah-huh
And have we got news for you
You better listen
Get ready, all you lonely girls
And leave those umbrellas at home
Alright
Humidity is rising (uh rising), barometer's getting low (oh low, girl)
According to all sources (what sources now), the street's the place to go (we better hurry up)
'Cause tonight for the first time (first time)
Just about half-past ten (half past ten)
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining men (start raining men)
It's raining men, hallelujah, it's raining men, amen
I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet
It's raining men, hallelujah
It's raining men, every specimen
Tall, blonde, dark and lean
Rough and tough and strong and mean
God bless…

Look out your window. That’s the weather.

2 SHOT ANCHORS
Lionel-Erin.jpg

Sandy: Now for sports, live from the Red Carpet, here’s Sports Illustrated Super Model, Roshumba Williams.
Jack: Roshumba!

RealFake News Sports Package
Snap 2018-04-19 at 19.24.15.png

"Thank you, It is Springtime and that means win or go home in the first round of the NBA Playoffs. Let's take a look at some highlights from the weekend games.

Steph CurryJames HardenCharles Barkley
Snap 2018-04-22 at 11.52.05.pngSnap 2018-04-22 at 11.53.43.pngSnap 2018-04-22 at 12.01.45.png
ElegantShinesGod Bless

Injured for the first series, Warriors point guard Steph Curry can be spotted on the sideline looking evermuch the super star in dark blue Armani, with a black cashmere pullover by Varvatos.

James Harden shines in the traditional Houston Rockets uniform, vivid red trimmed in white, with low top Basketball shoes by Nike, accessorized with NBA socks by Champion.

Charles Barkley was spotted on the set of the NBA on TNT, doing the best he can. Bless his heart.

That’s the Sports wrap up, live from the Red Carpet.

(audio from Voice Master)“… for the Real FakeNews, I’m Roshumba Williams. Back to you.”

2 SHOT ANCHORS
Lionel-Erin.jpg

Sandy: Thanks Roshumba. Still ahead a humorous anecdote designed to make you feel a little better about your miserable life.
Jack: And later, I’ll say the word, Pancake. That and more when we return.

FADE OUT BREAK MUSIC

BREAK PAGE

2 SHOT ANCHORS, FADE IN BREAK MUSIC

(audio from Voice Master)Anchor Rejoin
The Real FakeNews continues with Jack Goff, Sandy Feet, Toluse Olorunnipa, and Roshumba!

2 Shot Anchors
2Shot Anchors.jpg

Sandy: Welcome Back.
Ok It's time for my anecdote. Once I was at an outdoor concert and I had to go really badly. I walked around for a long time but couldn't find a restroom. Just when I thought I couldn't hold it anymore, that is when I saw a Port-a-potty.

Jack Goff. So inspirational. From all of us here, have a great (night, day, week end). See ya next time.

Pancake.

Closing Music Provided By: Disney Studios

Correction
The entire news show has been corrected, we were wrong about everything. In fact everything you see on the News is speculation, guesswork and propaganda with the facts distorted to support our corporate editorial policy. We apologize for the error(s).

Correcting the previous correction: We wish to issue a correction to the previous correction. In the previous correction we stated that we were wrong about everything. We were wrong about that. We were correct about our own names.

Correction of the Previous correction, including the correction before that: Jack Goff and Sandy Feet are fake names.

FADE OUT MUSIC

///////

Check Out My Previous Posts:

https://steemit.com/humor/@davidpompeii/funny-observations-wisecracks-quips-and-commentary-but-no-goddamn-puns

What a farce, so why not take it further? https://steemit.com/humor/@davidpompeii/trump-stormy-daniels-which-president-banged-the-hottest-chicks-and-other-signs-of-the-apocalypse

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An unexpected result of nothing happening in Washington is that apparently for one day comedians around the country forgot their obsession with Trump and started doing comedy again. Let’s hope that trend continues.

This line alone is the absolute truism of Political News today!

Hey Pomp! You gotta tag this #comedyopenmic, get this on the radar of all the folks who enjoy comedy!

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LOLz, That was my favorite line. I miss the good old days that comedians, focused on being funny and not whatever political aspiration is hot in the moment.

Like now most of the time when I see a standup special, I have to wade through 60 mins of political posturing just to get 5 mins of actual comedy. Thankfully there are a few exceptions still, sadly they don't seem to get the "big breaks," Chappelle may be one of the rare exceptions. Thanks again @davidpompeii for this nice bit of satire.

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Thank you for taking the time to comment. What a cool think to say.

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DJ, I took your suggestion. Thanks

I think that this could easily have won a prize in @comedyopenmic, it certainly would have gotten a lot more exposure and upvotes. This is quite hilarious. I only was able to read half of it as I currently have a screaming toddler. Well done @davidpompeii.

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Absolutely agreed, if this was tagged 5 days ago, definitely see the judges nominating this for a prize back in Round 10, but more important, it would have brought more visibility to a verity of comedy much needed for us to grow our little community!

Nice job. I of course was click baited hehe

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I hope the headline didn't make you think it was something else. I struggled with it for about two days, narrowed it down to a couple different ones and finally just picked one.

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I honestly couldnt get past the part.

...Empowered Stripper.

😝

·

Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by david pompeii from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, someguy123, neoxian, followbtcnews, and netuoso. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows. Please find us at the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.

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·

Thanks.
Entry can make people laugh.
Join #comedyopenmic and you make the judge laugh until he forget to eat.
You will win 40 SBD, also get more upvote.
And do not forget to follow the rules here

Nicely done!

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