Short stories of my dads dark humor volume #1 ADOLF THE GOAT

IF YOU DO NOT LIKE DARK HUMOR STOP NOW!!! Earlier today i was replying to a post by @trumpman
and he liked the response so much he asked to me to elaborate more and make a whole post about the incodent.

Back story real quick: My dad passed away 10 years ago and he had a particular sense of humor that was hilarious but dark and twisted. He was a big biker, well over 6 foot, 300 plus pounds and was an all state wrestler when he was in high school and had the Harley Davidson wings tattooed all the way across his back and was a bit of an outsider of society. He could make anyone laugh though and was the absolute best father anyone could ask for. On to the story.

As i was growing up we had a small farm with all sorts of animals . All the usual chickens, ducks, pigs, rabbits, even had some guineas, but we also had goats.
So one morning we were out at the fence feeding the goats and these 2 nicely dressed ladies pulled up in their car and got out. They were in their Sundays best and filled with the holy spirit, they were the Jehovas Witnesses.
If you are not aware of this particular group they are a religious group and they are known for going up and knocking on peoples doors and shoving their religion down your throat. The 2 ladies in their late 40's early 50's come up and start talking to us , just making small talk before they sprung the trap of finding out if our souls were saved. We just kinda give them short and sweet answers while we continue to feed the goats. The goats were jumping up on the fence and eating corn out of our hands so the ladies ask if they can pet them. My dad says sure and smiles. The church lady proceeds to reach over the fence and start petting one of the billy goats.

But first a little backstory on this goat. This one in particular was the most disgusting, foul, and mean asshole known to man so my dad named him Adolf. It was a fitting name for this abomination. A short list of his charming qualities were.

1. never ever ever turn your back on him or he would ram you full force in the small of your back.
   
2. He was an escape artist and would escape the fenced area during the night and would be standing on the roof of the car when you woke up in the morning like a rooster only silent and staring at you making eye contact so you knew he was doing it on purpose.
   
   3rd and the most charming, he would litteraly raise up his back leg and suck his own dick then jizz on his head.
   

Back to the church lady. Still preaching the gospel she reaches down and starts petting old Adolf. She pets ol Adolf for about 2 seconds before hastily drawing back here hand with what visually looked like cheese on a pizza being picked up in the movies

Her nose wrinkels in disgust as she pulls her hand up to her nose and takes a wiff. At first a small gag and she looks at my dad and asks him what that is. He says "that right there" and points at the devil goat. Right on que adolf is giving himself a happy ending and rubbing it all over his head. She looks at Adolf then back at my dad with horror in her face and turning pale. My dad says " Oh looks like he likes ya " and starts to laugh out loud. At this point she starts to dry heave but makes the mistake of bringing up her jizz hand to cover her mouth and catching a fresh wiff of goat semen that has been baking on in the summer sun. By this time me and my dad are bent over laughing so hard our sides hurt. The ladies both let out a shreak , screamed something about the devil or being possessd and sprint back to their car and haul ass down the driveway. After that day we never had another door knocker, I believe that got us put on the jahovas witness BLACKLIST.

I hope that you all got even a small amount of the laughter that i did that day and I hope this was up to @trumpman expectations. If you guys liked it let me know because i have a TON more of these about my dad and even a few about my dear mother.