Forty Four - The Master Therapist
In The Secret Science of Numerology by Shirley Blackwell Lawrence, Msc. D. 44 is considered the Master Therapist.
I consider myself fortunate as I believe my therapist is a Master Therapist. She uses highly effective techniques for dealing with PTSD. The main element found to be most effective in helping veterans of war with PTSD is allowing the emotions to express with sound rather than with words.
I've suffered with PTSD for much of my life. High anxiety. Fight or flight on a near non-stop basis. The terror of leaving my house caused me to hold my breath, which in turn would cause me to panic, thereby completing the circle by becoming even more terrified to leave my house.
In learning about myself I discovered deep imprints buried in my subconscious which told me not to breathe, not to lift my face from the mud, not to make sound or move my body lest I hurt others by doing so. I believed the plague ran through my veins and if I touched anyone else I would give them the plague - God forbid.
I've been releasing emotions for a long time now and I'm happy to say I can leave my house. It's worth it to point out that I didn't generally appear as afraid as I felt internally. Although I was hyper and annoyingly obnoxious when I was young, (generated by the stress and deep anxiety I was in near constantly), when I got older I learned to hide my anxiousness better, and even appeared "cool" and confident while still intensely frightened on the inside.
Now I'm much more comfortable with my fears, and ironically I've been experiencing them as a magical portal to transforming my life into an empowering experience that - God Bless It - feels good to me.
I write about emotional expression a lot because it seems to be fully underrated in it's mighty benefits for healing. Emotional expression and judgment release are the two most powerful tools (aside from, well, two other vastly powerful tools - learning to breathe (thank Heaven!) and "grounding" outdoors (thank Earth!)), that I've found to soothe and heal my traumatic past, which, in doing so, has allowed me to rewrite my present and future.
I realize that this writing may be more didactic and preachy than colorful and catchy. Even so, we can save the World by saving ourselves - everyone needs therapy - find a 44 - a Master Therapist and visit them as often as you can!
And on another note, astrologically speaking "M44 or The Beehive Cluster, is an open cluster in the constellation Cancer. It is one of the nearest open clusters to Earth, containing a larger population of stars than other nearby bright open clusters. Under dark skies, the Beehive Cluster looks like a small nebulous object to the naked eye; as known since ancient times."
Image of M44 Beehive cluster. Composition of 10 x 300 second images, taken by the author. Miguel Garcia, using a 4" Takahashi 102 refractor telescope, integrated and processed using software tools. The image is Copyrighted to Intihuatana, which is a pseudonym of the author.
You poor thing. It sounds horrific what you’ve been through. Great that you managed to find such a good therapist.
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Hi Deirdyweirdy, thank you. It has been horrific and yet, finding ways to turn the picture around has been a great gift. :)
I am so glad that you found a master therapist. And that you are able to express your fears now and move through them instead of holding them in. thank you so much for sharing yourself.
I think so many suffer in silence and pretend that everything is okay while hurting inside. So good to know that help is out there and that you are proof that things can change.
Hi Marianne! Thank you. I've actually been doing what I like to call Emotional Archaeology for a long time. I've only been seeing the Master Therapist I speak of recently. She gave me the greatest compliment the other day telling me that I had my Masters in Psychology too. (Mine is from the School of Hard Knocks though). Even with all of the decades I've been healing through emotional therapy I still benefit from getting help. Emotional Resuscitation is another way of describing what I've been doing. I think it's important for us all. I'm only beginning to be able to attempt to write about it. This forum is a considerable help and inspiration, so thanks again. :)
I can relate to the school of hard knocks :)
And just had that conversation with my daughter in law yesterday. We are always growing and peeling another layer of the onion of all the messages we received to hold us down.
The good news is that the onion gets smaller with time and that it gets a little easier
And it is always wonderful to find help for the peeling process.
So glad that you are writing with us!!
THANK YOU :)
Thank you for your post and your photo is fantastic! Are you a Cancer?
I too have PTSD and anxiety, but don't write/talk about it too much. Wish I had the 44 master therapist, mine is community free and I refer to him as white shoes because he wears those giant Dad sneakers. He means well, but we don't do much, more of a two-cent affair.
Hello Kimberlylane! Thank you for commenting! I'm not a Cancer, I'm a Capricorn, but my South Node is in Cancer which means I'm moving in that direction (interestingly from Capricorn where my North Node is). I'm grateful for the influence of Cancer and to be moving in that direction because Capricorn has been a though row to hoe. Are you Cancer?I'm not sure which photo you mean - the one for the post? I feel for you having PTSD and anxiety and I wish you had better help than you seem to have at the moment. My current therapist has a sliding scale. Maybe you could find someone more equipped to help you who might be willing to do a sliding scale. I've amassed a lot of beneficial information during the course of my journey and I'm working on a website to share it with others. Making sound (or giving sound to your anxiety) is one of the keys to helping the energy move so that it can heal. Making sound means vocalizing how you feel with out words. I also go off on tirades spewing whatever is in my head at the time to relieve some of the pressure as well but when done without words it helps curb the self judgments and allows for grounding.
I've had counseling in the past from a pretty descent therapist, and have made great progress, but a condition I'll probably always have to varying degrees. Flares up at times.
I used to run an ecstatic dance group and I think that was very helpful, not just for me, but others and it sounds kind of similar to what you're describing with the sound therapies.
I do write a lot about my conflicting feelings in a poetic/narrative form and sometimes find the courage to share my words in front of small audiences.
I'm a Scorpio, sun and moon. Sounds like you know more about astrology than I do as I have no idea what I'm moving towards? My mother and one of my son's are Capricorn, also a couple of my good friends. The guy I see is a Cancer.
Would love to see your webpage when it's up and running! I'm also taking a web class (just for squarespace) but am also thinking of starting one. I need to get more clear about what it's for? Writing and/or my dreaming? I work a lot with my dreams and would like to start offering that to others. I think it's good that people like you and I who have gone through a lot can help others as we have more an understanding and empathy than someone who has just read about the condition.
Hope you have a great weekend.
Yes, stress and trauma can hard wire us into patterned physical/neurological responses, which is why, after so many decades, really, I'm still in therapy off and on. I have tools now for handling the intensity, and vastly more understandings about myself, which helps, and yet flare ups happen. I agree we can help others with the condition who may not have tools to understand themselves and tools to nurture and rewire their nervous systems. I'd enjoy supporting you in discovering and building your unique way of reaching out to others as I'm learning to do the same for myself. I'd like to share my dream interpretation style with you sometime. I believe it's revealing on our deeper emotional selves that express in dreams. It's a pleasure to connect with you. Blessings.
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THANK YOU!!!!!! :)