My ending to The Enchanted Café - Finish the Story contest @bananafish
This is my entry for the @bananafish #finishthestory week #48 contest. Technically it is 746 words and exceeds the recommended 500 words, but I wanted to post it anyway. I never manage to stay within the 500 words when I try this. To find out all the details for the contest go check out the contest post here.
by @theironfelix (and @calluna)
The warm smell of fresh brownies drifted across the cafe, ducking under the tables, squeezing through chairs, urged on by the fans; it flew. A gooey batch, chocolate chips still soft, had appeared on the counter. So loudly rang the placing of the tray, that Matt’s eyes glanced over, his mouth already watering, and so the enticing aroma managed to make him half consider ordering two.
Over Matt’s head, a clock's hand ticked a steady background beat, drawing his attention. For all wandering eyes, it was ten to two; she was twenty minutes late. A huff of impatience escaped his cracked lips, his mind drifting back to the crowded room.
An elderly man sat slouched at the table across from him, his broadsheet newspaper out of place in a room full of faces glazed by the light of phone screens. Matt‘s hand instinctively touched his own in his pocket. If he got it out, his eyes would be glued hard to it, in case the light flashed. His mind knew it would vibrate, but the flash came first. It was an addiction he couldn’t fight. Not to the phone. To her.
His mind buzzed and beeped, unable to fight the itch of wonder…
“...where was she?”
The old man‘s mouth let go of a cough, accompanying the symphony of crinkling as he flipped a page. Matt’s eyes darted up, accidentally catching his gaze, the man smiled at him eagerly folding the paper away.
Matt’s mind shuddered, cursing itself as the man rose, heading towards him. As soon as the stranger came within ear shot, Matt called out trying to put him off.
“Sorry mate, i’m waiting for someone.”
The grin over the worn face widened.
“Someone who still ain’t here yet, ‘ow about a bit of company, to help with the waiting? Whatcha say?”
Put on the spot, Matt’s thoughts already ablaze, he found himself nodding before reason could interject. The flame in his mind was inundated with worries and the urge to call her now - to see where oh where she was. Matt didn’t have the patience for small talk, but it was too late; the elderly man was lowering himself into the chair opposite.
The chair eeking with the slow applying pressure of aching joints, a wry smile found itself on the old man’s lips. In the opposite side of tension: a forced smile began forming on Matt’s dry lips, his hand quivering but extending for an introduction.
Here is my ending to the story...
The old man extended his hand and introduced himself. "Mr. Jackson. It's great to meet you, Matt."
Matt replied, "How do you know my name?"
"Well Matt, first I need you to remain calm. There are two agents in the corner booth, Don't look at them; they've been following you for a while."
Matt fought the urge to turn and look. "What? Why?"
"Your girlfriend, Sasha, will be here soon, and we don't have much time. We delayed her with a big traffic incident we staged. I am sorry to tell you that she is a Russian agent."
"You're crazy! That's not possible. She's from Pennsylvania."
"She is from the small town of Karasuk, Russia, near the border with Kazakhstan. She has been trained as a spy since birth and was settled in Pennsylvania when she was four years old." The old man slid his newspaper across the table. "Open to page eight."
When Matt opened the paper, it was laid out as a sort of dossier about his soon-to-be-fiance Sasha. The dossier revealed that Sasha was using her relationship with Matt to get inside the Eisenhower Executive Office Building where he worked so she could plant a bomb.
The building housed offices of the majority of the White House staff as well as the Vice President and the Secretaries of State, the Treasury, and the Navy. It was also adjacent to the West Wing of the White House. As Matt read on, the document also revealed that her plan was to make it look like Canada was responsible for the bombing, hoping to start a war between the nations and get the United States' focus off of Russia and other parts of the world that the Kremlin felt should be of no concern to the Americans.
Baffled, Matt asked, "But if they know about this and agents are watching us, why haven't they just arrested her?"
At that moment, the bell on the cafe door rang. Matt turned and saw Sasha standing in the doorway, then caught a glimpse of the two agents in the corner. He began to ponder what he was going to do. As he turned back around, Mr. Jackson and his newspaper were now gone.
Sasha kissed Matt as she sat down. "Did you order yet, hon?"
Matt replied, "Not yet, but the brownies are fresh. Wait, we need to talk."
Sasha became a bit suspicious as Matt seemed unusually nervous. She had also spotted the agents in the corner and felt they looked a bit out of place. She began to panic a bit.
"Talk about what?" she said as she put her hand on top of his.
"There was a man. He said you are a Russian spy. I just don't know what --"
As he spoke, Sasha sprang from her chair and pulled a gun from her bag. She fired two shots at the agents in the corner. Two bulls-eyes, right in the middle of their foreheads. She then turned to Matt and kissed him as she said, "I'm sorry. I really did love you." She then buried a bullet into his brain as well.
Suddenly Matt was in a large empty room with black walls and nothing in sight. From the shadows stepped Mr. Jackson, carrying the dossier in folder form this time.
Confused, Matt asked, "Mr. Jackson? What happened?"
Mr. Jackson replied, "You can just call me Francis now. You really screwed that up, now didn't you?"
"Yeah, I suppose I did," said Matt, "But what are you doing here? Am I dead? Dreaming?"
"Technically, dead, yes. However, I am an angel. I was there to try to help you. Luckily I have been given the power to send you back to try again, but just this one time. Now hurry up and figure out a better way to handle things. I have to send you back right now or we will lose the chance to do it at all. Ready?"
"What? No!"
Francis flipped a switch. Matt vanished and reappeared in the cafe.
Over Matt’s head, a clock's hand ticked a steady background beat, drawing his attention. For all wandering eyes, it was ten to two; she was twenty minutes late.
Forty-five minutes later, Matt was back in the emptiness of the black room again. Shaking his head, Francis emerged and told him, "Okay, this is really the last time I can send you back. We were only given twenty chances. If you can't get it right this time, the consequences could be catastrophic, not just for you, but for the whole world."
I hope you enjoyed my spy "thriller" ending. I would love to know what you think of it.
That was super cute :D I love how the ending is so different and unexpected from the usual ending these types of stories get :)
.... I wonder if Matt wouldn't be able to get 'it' even after 20 tries.... XD
Really enjoyed that, ranwan!!! :D :D :D
Oooooo!!!!~ Do I see a Spidery spider here? Heyo!~ Glad to see yah poke your head here.
Thanks Spider. Very glad you enjoyed the story.
Perhaps Matt WAS getting it right, letting his heart win, and Sasha was the one who couldn't get it right?
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(Oj mój Bóg, the first person to get it on their first try. Baby-blue Jesus, bonus ducks for this entry. It’s raining men, hallejuhah - amen! Now unto to the story...)
La filosofía del texto (The philosophy of the text): Now I was never a fan of “Good guy, bad guy” scenarios, or at least when that’s the vehicle of the plot. For I do very much see the attempt to capitalize on the USA-Russian relations where the reciprocation of daily life has been net stale for both country’s inhabitants, and only the USA politicians making any fuss where the whole of the Kremlin probably had popcorn night seeing us melt to our chairs. (And I say this as I do remember asking people at the height of media coverage if they even thought it real and most just saying its probably another ploy by politicians to rally up political fervor. Relatively big town here, very political every single person as well.)
But truly this vehicle finds itself manifesting in different areas as real vehicles would do on the journey. The starting one is the proclaimed saviour philosophy where the protagonist is fated to do an action which will save humanity, in one way. This easily wraps itself up with the Angel-Dæmon dichtomy which trigger (like pulling a trigger from the gun to shoot a bullet and eject a bullet casing out) this comment to exist. As with the implication of the Angels siding with a country and not stoping either of their shenanigans, it implicates the USA as Holy (funny connection to American Exceptionalism) and Rus to the sides that have earned the scorn of God, the Almighty, Allah, whomever we wish to signify the Absolute. As I said, a bit much on the nose to capitalize on this issue which much more sides with Rus doing nothing but having to be guinea pigged because the USA cannot live without a punching men; look how we forget about the election issue as we were in Syria, then the two Koreas, China, ..., so on and so on. Funny the attention span of politicians to seek new things when the USA is failing to make grounds.
And probably hilariously true to current USA efforts, it is very persistent and will constantly try to get their results when all else fails. Also good job on capitalizing twenty, God’s number (look up number of moves to solve Rubrik’s Cube for an example, people of the internet),for the number of chances. Because the USA really does a lot to really get the saying they were right, never forget the 600+ assassination attempts on Fidel Castro and then Death doing one of the natural death sweeps - imagine how pissed off the CIA was when Death got another victory against the CIA. Getting back on rail, the USA really does believe when they don’t win that the World will collapse... which I dunno if I am in a special Hell, but seems like the USA fails and the World is still here.
So whether on purpose or not, this very much felt like a comedic tale of criticizing how the USA perceives their role but fucking it up almost always with incompetant agents. And if you wonder, “War is a racket” to quote MajGen. Smedley Buttler - double Medal of Honor earner, deceased ex-USMC.
La forma (The form): I guess the above covers it, lol. My Dialectics got to powerful today and I just made interpenetrate and unite together today. Passion is one hella drug.
One of the great things about the Bananafish community and contests (and some other writing groups on the platform) is that others, like you and @calluna leave these detailed in-depth comments about the author's stories. As I am usually on the curation side of these stories, it is great to see the writers getting lots of great feedback. So, first, thanks for that.
Now then, I think while I did try to play on the tried and true battle of USA - Russia, I tried to put a bit of a different spin on it with the insertion of Canada. I don't think I did it effectively though, since after having my wife read it before posting she said it didn't make any difference to her, and that it could have been any country. But my point of that insertion was to try and make it so Russia wasn't necessarily the "bad guy." Instead they were simply trying to get the U.S. to leave the world alone and worry about their own neighborhood, even if their means of getting to that point was at it's core evil.
Another comment my wife made was that it was very much a Twilight Zone episode. Which I suppose will almost always on some level be true about anything I write. I am a huge life-long fan of the TV series. Of course it wasn't until she said that, that I began breaking it down in a TZ way. After thinking about it many of their episodes do leave a lot open for interpretation as to who is the good and who is the evil. It is one of the reasons I love the show, which again is why I suppose my writing somewhat reflects the same sort of angle.
I'm sorry I could read it only now, I would have preferred to taste your story taking my due time, as a complex aged rhum with a block of dark chocolate. Your ending startled me in a positive way for its originality. I felt I was transported from a Ken Follet book almost to a T. Pratchett one. It's true, the story trespassed the 500 words threshold but who cares when it flows so well. In the end, the true core of this contest resides in the inspiration that it can generate in the writers, no matter the rules - @f3nix.
As I was saying in another reply here - I was actually curating gaby-crb's post when I read the beginning story, and by the time I was finished the spy story angle popped in my head. So it is definitely inspiring people to write. Thank you for the kind words, and I am very glad you enjoyed the story. Glad I remembered to link it to the post, even if it was WAY late.
It's been a great addition to the variety displayed on this edition! Hope to see you again with us 🙂
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There is very interesting, personal emotions outweighing greater responsibilities every time. There is something game like about the rebirth aspect, but it actually reminds me an anime i watched recently, and i can't help but wonder, if this repetition is purgatory or possibility VR, a test of sorts he just can't pass. Was Francis really an angel? This is written with a lot of space for it to have a deeper meaning, especially given the unanswered question Matt poses just before Sasha walks in. Here are some of my favorite theories
the surface level: Matt died by giving the entire operation away to Sasha, and getting agents killed, Francis is an angel, and trying to pull those heavenly strings and force Matt to behave differently, but can only reset the time line so many times.
slightly deeper: Matt died in the same circumstances, and Francis is an angel, but this is purgatory, and the fate of the world doesn't actually rest of what he does, but that is more metaphorical, the angel wanting Matt to chose to do 'the right thing'
wading all the way in: this is a game, Matt is the player, and this is his last life. A game where your decisions along the way affect the choices you get in the future, Matt has been returning to his latest save point again and again to try and progress further, but he can't figure out the right choice here, and just keeps dying, thus 'technically' dead, and the agent and the angel being the same person.
off the wall a little: Matt has been kidnapped by Sasha's handler, because she does really love him, he has been drugged, and this is an induced experience. Thus how the angel is the same person as the agent. Sasha needs Matt to chose to trust her despite everything the agent gives him every single time. "We were only given twenty chances. If you can't get it right this time, the consequences could be catastrophic, not just for you, but for the whole world" which makes this a very different statement, and the possibility of this being counterspy recruitment throws a wonderful spotlight on the whole 'one mans terrorist is another's freedom fighter' perspective.
the full on out there but maybe on point: None of this is real, Matt has applied for a job as a spy and this is the final interview, the whole experience is simulated, Francis (possibly the person who thinks Matt would be good for the job) has given him as many chances as he can to pass, and really wants him to get the job, feeling like Matt has the skills, if only he had the discretion
I had so much fun reading this, and thinking about the different ways it could be interpreted, although appreciate your intention was probably more a straight spy thriller with heavenly intervention than any of my crackpot theories ;) I just really enjoyed thinking about this one!
Very glad you managed to get this one in at the last minute, an ending packed with possibility, thank you!
<<<<3333 ~Okay can we have an award for prompt writers engaging in the community and fostering dialogue already! Because this comment is so jammed pack with high quality commenting that this count as its own speculation/analysis post, in fact all of yer comments!!!!~ <<<<3333
(Also see my reply to @theironfelix for the part about you guys commenting on all of the writer's stories. It really is great, and thank you.)
I love that my story has invoked these many theories. For most of my life I have never been much of a reader. for me it was always watching television growing up. It is where I saw most of my storytelling, rather than in a book. Many of my favorite shows (see my Twilight Zone portion of the other comment as well) told stories in a similar way that allow the viewer/reader to see different angles even though they are all watching/reading the same thing. To me those are the stories I usually enjoy the most, which I guess is why I write that way. I haven't written much to this point, but definitely see the pattern emerging. lol
Now your list of theories -
I did purposely leave it open to decide how Matt reacted after each restart. Did he let his heart win out and tell Sasha each time? Did he not say a word to her, but having this new knowledge was not able to cover up his nervousness to the point that Sasha, the trained spy picked up on it and had to protect herself once she felt something was off? Or perhaps, he told her about his encounter with Francis, forgives her and wants to help her get out of this mess, only to lead the agents in the corner to get spooked and start the shootout which kills Matt?
I love the other angles you come up with though. Each one could easily extend the story out in very different ways. I think in some way the purgatory angle was present in my mind, but the other three were not. The gaming one is especially intriguing. I definitely also like the angle where Sasha fell for Matt even though he was simply a means to her plans end, and now she is trying to bring him in so she doesn't lose him.
I am very happy you liked my story, and really do feel your comment actually makes the story better. It also makes me feel great knowing that it invoked these ideas from someone who writes much more than I do. Makes me think perhaps I have a chance at being good at this.
Hehehe I didn't expect the story to turn into action and then supernatural. You are full of surprises, ranwan :D.
The words flow nicely together and the shift of genre is done well enough that it doesn't become jarring. I wonder if Matt remembers something from the previous retry, otherwise he'll probably take the same action again and again. It's up to the old man to give him a different hint. And maybe he could warn him that Sasha brings a gun? He'll probably react differently then ^^.
Oooo!~ A @scrawly joins the comments below! Heyo!~ :*3
For some reason after I read the beginning earlier in the week while curating (@gaby-crb's story) once I got it submitted and shared everywhere the spy story popped into my head. I worked out some details of in my head and then decided I had to add in the supernatural bits to fit better with the "Enchanted" part of the title.
As for Matt's choices, I will share a bit from my reply to calluna above...
I did purposely leave it open to decide how Matt reacted after each restart. Did he let his heart win out and tell Sasha each time? Did he not say a word to her, but having this new knowledge was not able to cover up his nervousness to the point that Sasha, the trained spy picked up on it and had to protect herself once she felt something was off? Or perhaps, he told her about his encounter with Francis, forgives her and wants to help her get out of this mess, only to lead the agents in the corner to get spooked and start the shootout which kills Matt?
He should try running away before she arrives XD. Poor guy must be in wreck if he remembers getting shot again and again by his lover. Pretty sure he won't visit that cafe anymore if he survives this encounter.
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