BOOBS

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(Present day)
Giggle

“Mom told me that the secondary purpose of boobs were to feed babies” she said.

“Well yeah” I agreed. “That’s biology....er...what do you mean secondary? What’s their primary purpose?”

“To make men ACT like babies” she giggled again. She was playing me like a fiddle. I knew that. Somehow I just didn’t care. I actually liked it.

“Oh...well yeah” I had to agree.

“If you can stop staring at my tits for a minute.” she wiggled them “I have a proposition for you”.

“Eh?” what did she say? “Er...as much as I’d like to I’m afraid that’s not possible”

She quit with the shimmy...awww.

“Why?” she asked

“Well I’m probably a hundred years older than you are for one thing” I muttered.

“You’re only 80.” she said..

“How do you know that?” I asked. As a matter of fact I was pushing ninety. My how time flies.

“It’s on the net” she said smugly.

“That’s supposed to be confidential” I huffed.

“Yeah right” she grinned...wiggling again “the Earth-Net is sooo transparent that it might as well be a plate glass window. I can’t hardly NOT look.”

“Earth Net?” I looked at her eyes....finally. Odd..they had vertical pupils...like a cat.

Perky boobs and erect nipples forgotten I actually looked at her eyes.

Fascinating.

“Who ARE you?” I asked. “WHAT are you?”

“That doesn’t matter” she said “What matters is what can I do for YOU?”

“I dunno” I said “Whut?”

“For starters I can help you get off that dirt ball.” she replied smugly.

“Dirt ball?” I played dumb. Could this really be happening? I looked at my whisky bottle. Nope.. I hadn’t drank NEAR that much. I was still kinda-sorta, sober. I hadn’t drunk near enough to hallucinate....yet.

“You know” she jiggled again...diverting my attention from those lovely exotic eyes.

“You mean the planet?” I asked. This was too good to be true, so obviously it wasn’t. Perhaps I’d stroked out, died, and hadn’t noticed?

So sad.

“Exactly right” she agreed. “Are you happy where you are?”

That set me back. The visiting cat, looked at me and frowned. He crawled into my lap and rubbed my beard with his head. The cat is my buddy.

“Actually”...I opened my eyes and looked at her....face to face....eye to eye.”No. Life pretty much sux.”

It wasn’t BAD..but ...but....I dunno. what was the point? Back in the day I’d had a reason to get out of bed. I’d had a job to do. I’d been a Heavy Haul Trucker and damn good at it. Then along came automation and autonomous trucks. Me and over a million other truck drivers had lost our jobs. Finding a new job at my age, with my temperament....proved to be impossible. Consequently I was on Social Security, living in a tiny apartment. I spent most of my time in front of a computer, making the children cry, and drinking Yuge amounts of coffee spiked with whisky, whisky spiked with coffee...or just straight up whisky...depending on my mood.

It was always five o'clock somewhere.

“Just so” she grinned. “I can fix that”.

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