Feeling Sorry For Yourself?

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(Present day....)

“Don’t you think it’s time you stop feeling sorry for yourself?”

Huh? What the fresh hell was this? I was sitting outside on my tiny balcony, drinking whisky, smoking a cigar and surfing the net with a laptop that I’d found in the trash one day. It’s amazing what people will throw away. Where was the voice coming from?

---

(a few years ago)
Shaniqua Smith viewed the video
in horror
She desperately wanted it to be wrong. She’d watched it several times hoping against hope that it was a joke.

It wasn’t.

Her smartphone had alerted her that she had a priority message just as she’d stepped out of her car in the parking lot. It contained a video so she had decided to wait and view it on her widescreen monitor inside. It was from her grandfather. She entered her apartment, sat in front of her computer and opened the video onto a scene of horror.

“I repeat Shaniqua, and you MUST do as I say.” The face of an old man in tribal robes pleaded with her. “Do NOT return. Stay where you are. The Afreet have come back. They are killing us all”.

A gunshot rang out...the old man staggered a bit...opened his mouth to say his final words...blood flowed forth and soaked his beard.

“Read .......the email .... use your pass phrase.....” he gurgled.. then fell forward. Shaniqua heard more gunfire and screaming in the background. For a brief second she saw a figure approaching. She couldn’t make it out. Then the video ended.

Shaniqua read the text. Her grandfather had been the monarch of a small kingdom in the middle east. He was several times a billionaire from the Oil they sold to the west. The pass phrase would access several secret accounts. She would not lack for money.

Finances was the last thing on her mind. If she could she’d use it all to buy her family back. They had sent her to the United States to further her education. She would graduate with high honors in multiple fields of study next month...but she could not go home to show them now.

She no longer had a home....or a family. They were all dead.

---

439 Billion Years Ago
the Ordovician-Silurian Extinction occurred. 86% of all life on the planted was wiped out. Trilobites, brachiopods, graptolites...all died in large numbers.

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(whenever)
Oddly enough Jupiter

has a great red spot. It’s always been there since mankind has been able to observe jupiter. The Red Spot is Larger than many earths and Jupiter emits more heat than it receives from the sun. Jupiter is a very unhealthy place for organic life to be near...lots of radiation.

(present day)
Giggle
“It’s me silly!” I heard a voice say. But where was it coming from?

I was wearing earphones, I’d found them in the trash too. I always wore them to blank out the noisy neighbors in the apartment overhead. I swear they must be having pogo stick dance competition accompanied by a garage band, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. The music, as always, was LOUD.

“I repeat my last” I muttered to myself

I looked over at the visiting cat...he’d leave by nightfall and be gone until morning...or longer... maybe. Sometimes he didn’t return for days. When he returned he usually brought me a ‘present’ a dead mouse or a bird. Once he brought me a chipmunk. I’d praise him to the sky then put the dead critter into a ziplock bag while telling him that I’d eat it later. When he left I’d flushed it down the toilet. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by letting him see me do that. I don’t really think I was fooling him.

One day he might never return. You never can tell about cats. Right now he was laying on his back beside me, on a stool. I had been idly scratching his belly as I surfed the web and drank whisky. It was Ok...it was five o’clock somewhere. He looked at me like I was crazy.

Couldn’t argue with him about that.

“It’s ME silly” the voice said again.....louder. “LOOK!”

I looked at my laptop screen.

Boobs...I saw boobs. Nice ones too. They shimmied and shook. They were uncovered.

Now even if I am old, worn out, and have been celibate for decades, I still appreciate a nice set of boobs...and these were FINE... but I repeat.... what the hell?

I had been harassing and hassling liberals on my favorite social network. I love to make them squeal. I wasn’t on a porn site. At least I didn’t think I was.

(years earlier)
Roy Brown
a.k.a
THE CHIEF

...squared off against his opponent. Roy was a professional wrestler and THE CHIEF was his stage name. His opponent tonight was his arch nemesis, Melvin Johnson a.k.a THE DESPERADO.

The match was scripted, as were all professional wrestling bouts. Roy was the ‘good guy’ Melvin was the ‘bad guy’. Roy would win of course but they had to put on a good show.

“Little slow there Tonto?” Melvin told him during a clinch. “Something on your mind?”

The crowd was hooting, hollering and stomping their feet in the stands. There was no chance that anyone could overhear what the two ‘opponents’ said to each other unless they screamed, which they did often.

“Yeah I am, and there is.” Roy said as he maneuvered for a good grip.

“You got an eye for Sally ain’t yah?” Melvin leered. “The Chief and the Dominatrix, hot to trot”.

“You’re gonna pay for that remark.” Roy growled “You ready?”

“I was born ready.” Melvin taunted him ”Give it your best shot. Try to miss the Post this time willya?”

“Yeah..sorry about that last time”. Roy grunted as he lifted the big man up...spun him around a few times and tossed him into the ropes.

As planned, The Desperado flew through the air, hit the ropes and....come right back at Roy as if catapulted from a sling shot. That’s kinda what he did. The ropes were special. They were ‘rubber ropes’. This was one of their favorite stunts. The crowd ate it up. They went wild.

The Desperado knocked the Chief flat on his back, then stood up screamed a great obscenity and tried to stomp him in the face. The Chief moved his head at the last split second, curled both legs and kicked the Desperado in the belly. Off he went flying thru the air into the ropes again.

“I’m baaaaaack” Melvin said as he piled into Roy again.

So it went. The crowd loved it. They ate it up. Roy eventually won, as scripted, but he and Melvin put on a good show in the process.

(Present day)
Giggle

The boobs receded so that I could see the owner. She was FINE too. She looked to be about sixty years younger than me but ....

(ahem)

I said “Who are you and what are you doing in my computer?”

“I’ve been watching you since forever!” she tossed her head in the cutest way. Other portions of her anatomy were even cuter when they swayed... best I could tell on the tiny screen.

“What do you mean?” I said.

“You’re feeling sorry for yourself,” she said “and taking it out on those poor idiots”.

“Well yeah.” I said “They’re definitely idiots, but no. I’m NOT feeling sorry for myself. Why would I? I’m retired and living the life of Riley. Who are you anyway?”

“I’m your new best friend” she winked at me. Or at least I think she did. I wasn’t really looking at her eyes.

“My eyes are up here” she said, giggling again.

“Yeah..” I agreed. “I get to see eyes every day. Boobs on the other hand...er...I mean”

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