#29: Motel Room

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Marc was using his laptop computer to search Wilbur’s Listtm , a Security Contractor job listing, for employment. He had another window open to the news.

“This is SweetCheeks ButtHurt for the Communist News Network with an exclusive interview. I’m speaking to Ms. Kamiko Akiyama. Er...Ms. Akiyama I understand you are the Mayor of Flint Island?” a TV journalist read off of a teleprompter.

“Mayor isn’t exactly the term we use.” the very attractive elderly oriental lady said. “but I suppose it will do for now.”

“Um...yes. Well. Is it true that you’ve fired your entire police force?” SweetCheeks said.

Marc was laughing.

“What the hell are you doing?” Captain Parmalee asked him. “Can’t a guy get a nap around here without having to listen to you braying like a jackass?”

Marc hit pause “HA! I’m searching Wilbur’s List tm looking for us a job, while you sleep and you complain? Don’t you want something to do? I know we don’t need it. We got money enough. But I’m BORED. Searching the list wasn’t any better. It was so damn boring that I had a window open to the comics...er...I mean the news. THAT didn’t help. It was so DAMN boring that I was running a spoof program just to brighten it up some. I overlaid a random word substitution program just for giggles. Some of the stuff it comes up with so accurate that it’s hilarious. Communist News Network for example...what a hoot!”

“I don’t see anything funny about that.” Captain said “that’s very descriptive of CNN.”

“Yeah it is..ain’t it just..but SweetCheeks ButtHurt? That’s funny.” Marc said.

“Well yeah. I suppose it is, that’s pretty funny. Tone it down a bit. Ok?” Captain grumbled then rolled over to face the wall. He pulled the sheets up over his ears. “I’m trying to get some sleep.”

Marc switched the sound to his bluetooth headset. Then flicked it off pause. He’d try to stifle his laughter...some. The interview continued, the Mayor that claimed to not be a Mayor said “We were having difficulties with our Police Force. We didn’t like the way they were acting. They seemed to think that they were the boss rather than working for us. They were being petty tyrants actually. I decided to embark upon a grand experiment. We could hardly do any worse.”

“What type of experiment would involve getting rid of your police force?” SweetCheeks ButtHurt asked “Aren’t you concerned that you will be unprotected?”

“Well no. We are all well armed on the Island. We see to our own protection. The police mainly just filled out forms and filed them away after any incidents. They were actually just file-clerks with guns and really bad shots at that. They were also very arrogant file-clerks, petty tyrants and bullies too. That was the problem. They did’t seem to realize who they worked for. They worked FOR us and not the other way around.” She said rather vehemently.

“They were also damned expensive, them AND their union were a pain in the butt. They seemed to think that we could always raise taxes anytime they needed more money. They caused...and lost several civil lawsuits by being bullies and left the taxpayers on the hook. We began to question if they were a good return on our investment. We decided that they were not.” She said

“Don’t even get me to started on civil forfeiture. That’s just highway robbery no matter how you look at it. It’s against the fourth amendment. I can read. I don’t give a damn what any court says. We won’t have that in my town.” She was almost frothing at the mouth.

“However, I’m glad you mentioned the so called “protection’ thing. The Supreme Court has previously ruled that the police have no inherent duty to protect us, so we won’t be loosing anything in that regard, we were paying for something were weren’t getting anyway.” the mayor that wasn’t a mayor said. She grinned. The trap was set. Would the poor ignorant reporter take the bait?

“It has?” SweetCheeks ButtHurt said “I’m not aware of that. Is that new?”

The poor fool took the bait. She revealed how ignorant she was on broadcast television, not that she was special. The mayor actually felt a little bit sorry for her. It was similar to engaging in a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent. Oh....Well..

“Yup...just recently” Kamiko said wryly...the stoopids. “Warren v. District of Columbia (444 A.2d. 1, D.C. Ct. of Ap. 1981), about forty years ago. It’s breaking news. I’m surprised that you missed it.”

SweetCheeks ButtHurt blinked. She knew something had just happened but she wasn’t exactly sure just what it was.

“HA!” Marc laughed “I LIKE that old gal.”

Captain mumbled and pulled the sheets up higher. He clutched them tighter to his head.

“I’m a retired empirical social psychologist” Kamiko continued. “I’ve done a lot of work in the field of crowd psychology. There are reams and reams of evidence regarding the way people act...and oddly enough no one has paid much attention to it. I have some ideas and I convinced the city council to give them a shot, so to speak. Instead of having a traditional Police Force I persuaded them to try something else. We are currently looking for that something else. We need suitable private security contractors. The key word would be “suitable””

The interview got boring after that. Marc turned it off when ButtCheeks said “rent-a-cops” derisively.

Hmmm...had the old gal said Private Security Contractors?

“Captain Parmalee?” he said to Captain “I think I might have found us a job.”

Captain snored.

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The Next Episode is
#30: Job Interview
The Previous Episode was
#28: Airport…
the First episode was
#1 : Prologue

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I'm

@everittdmickey
.
I write
SPECULATIVE FICTION
I have books on Amazon too.
Sometimes I also comment on the news

Sometimes it's hard to tell fiction from the news.