In His Shade: A Fifty Word Story
The shadow across her book turned Ruth's fingers to lead.
"It isn't seemly." Father ripped the book from her. "Come."
Head bowed, she followed two steps behind.
Ahead, Brother John loomed, his gaze undressing her.
Father shook his hand. "Proposal accepted."
Ruth slipped away into a wagon's shadow and ran.
Another story prompted by @jayna's fifty word challenge.
For me, these short pieces often start with an image. I contemplate on the prompt and twist it and turn it until a picture pops into my head. Then I brainstorm off that image to develop an arc for the story. In the case of this story, the image was a woman/girl reading who felt fear when someone's shadow crossed her pages. I had to figure out who that person was, why she was afraid, and what she does about it. Then manage to convey all that in 50 words.
Firebreak started with my young firedog standing triumphant in the swathe of bare ground. That ended up being the end of the story instead of the beginning. I need to write a longer version of that story--I had to leave out too much worldbuilding to make it fit the word count.
The Offer began with the image of someone hurt and angry tearing up a letter. It too became the end image, not the beginning.
The challenge really is in making them into a story. It would be easy to sit down and describe that image in 50 words. To create a verbal snapshot of the moment in my head. But the hard part--the part that takes time and effort and makes me proud to be a writer--is packing an actual entire story into those few words.
My thanks to all my friends for their support writing and editing this--they know who they are. I've been coming off a series of rough patches, so none of this comes easily for me right now. But they're there in so many ways, keeping me on track, keeping me from falling into a pit, and keeping me from giving up on who I am because I'm tired. I love them for it and I love the work that comes out of it.
Posted from my blog with SteemPress : http://www.rjeanbell.com/2018/07/19/in-his-shade-a-fifty-word-story/
Very well worked @bex-dk... In the shade of Father, running in the shadow of the wagon and the artwork of the shadow all convey the theme expertly... In 50 short words, you have me worrying and caring about your central character Ruth already.. Excellent job.
You missed one. The looming Brother John into whose shade her father would have transferred her...
But thank you. I wasn't sure if that part would come through.
So much fear in this, and the breaking of the shackles at the end just adds to the story. Really love this, Bex! Felt the adrenaline pumping every time I read it.
Ruth may have to make a reappearance some day.
Oh, yes, please. Would love to see what happens next, if she makes it.
There is so much packed into one tiny wrapper here. Amazing work!
Thank you! For the praise and the help and encouragement. I'm really proud of this one.
There is so much packed
Into one tiny wrapper
Here. Amazing work!
- thinknzombie
I'm a bot. I detect haiku.
You are plagiarizing by using his intellectual property without permission. That is illegal and inethical. Also, you just don't do a very good job.
Credit was given,
plagiarism avoided.
I like @haikubot.
His words were used for commercial purposes--earning money--without his permission. That isn't okay. And I confirmed the poster wasn't happy with it BEFORE I flagged.
I believe you may be confusing plagiarism and copyright infringement.
Either way, you have every right to flag stuff you don't like.
Cheers!
Very good story. It certainly makes you want more. It quite a plot to unravel.
I'm already thinking about the terrible journey ahead of Ruth. Will she be captured? Can she escape? What will she have to do to survive?
Great story!
Loved the art of the pic; it's quite representative not only of both the title and the story, but--in my opinion--of what comes next: as I see it, whether she escapes or not, she'll live haunted (and being hunted) by father.
All in all, genius, @bex-dk :-)
This is tremendous, @bex-dk. It has all the elements of a great micro-fiction story—a captivating character, a specific place, and an intimate look at a critical moment in the character’s life (the story arc)—all of which come together beautifully in 50 words. Masterfully done!