All over heaven and hell. (Fiction)

I was exhausted. I had been doing this for so long… It had stopped being fun two centuries ago. I knew it was a necessary evil, but still. I was exhausted, and bored. I had to repeat the same routine night after night; even when I didn’t feel like it, even if I didn’t want to, and more than once, even when it was someone I used to love on the other side. But if this long-ass existence had taught me anything was that lovers come… and they go.

Or I did, at least; before they noticed something odd in me.

This evening I repeated everything as expected. I entered the dark house, as the door opened itself for my presence, welcoming me. I wandered around the empty rooms, marveling at the weird but fancy décor this human had surrounded himself with. There was something familiar about the way everything was right in its place, and even the smell of it all brought old memories…

Not paying much attention to it, I hoped this one hadn’t traded his soul for something as stupid as a fancy house. But then again, humans had ridiculous wishes most times. It made me hate the way they wasted their life. I stopped by the library to read through the titles. I recognized most of them. He had a nice, interesting taste… And again, I felt awfully close to a place that I used to call my own… I had a bad feeling about this now.

Reluctantly, I walked into the room I was looking for. There was only a man. Sleeping safe and sound in his bed, snoring quietly, not knowing what was about to come. My heart began to race. It was probably nothing, I thought to myself, it would be over soon enough and I’d be back at my place in no time…

But almost with fear, I came nearer, until I could study his face better. And then I stopped altogether, my breath got caught behind my throat, and for several seconds I couldn’t breathe. Fuck, I knew it. I knew it couldn’t be a coincidence everything smelled like home. Home. At least it used to smell like this.

A quiet sob escaped from my mouth, as my feet walked backwards until I hit a wall; I sat on the floor waiting to recover. I had done this before, I had encountered familiar faces. But I never expected to find him. Not him.

I should explain my job a little better. I am a succubus, a female demon of some kind. Every night I am given a short list of names, damned names. These are from men (and sometimes women) that sell their souls to have their wishes granted. After their wishes are fulfilled and their time is over, I visit their homes while they are asleep, and take what is ours. Their souls first, their lives next. My method? Sex. Come on, it’s evil enough that we’re taking their souls to hell for all eternity; at least they can leave earth enjoying it, okay? That’s what I like to say to myself at least. Don’t judge me. Anyway, this is also the way I feed, not that it’s something I’m proud about.

I am the expensive way though. Only the biggest, most difficult wishes are charged by my kind, because it’s the only way to get the whole soul intact. These wishes are usually shit like “I want to be famous, and have tons of money.” Which showed an amazing lack of imagination. But once I had an “I want to travel to the moon.” And that was something. We had to create an astronaut out of this crazy dude. It was almost worth it.

But sometimes it’s people I know, people I care about. And those are the worst nights. You would think after centuries, I would get used to it. But no, it didn’t get easier.

I met V only ten years ago. He was in his early twenties, and he looked like something I would enjoy eating. I knew I was in trouble with him from day one. As a general rule, I tried not to fall in love with humans, but it happened once in a while. It was always painful, because I knew I would eventually leave... And they would eventually die.

But I fell in love with him so fast. It was too intense, and I hadn’t felt anything like it in centuries, or ever, to be honest; which amazed me, for it was a mystery how I could meet so many people across the years, and somehow I had found someone completely different from everyone, someone who fit with me so well. I was so close to revealing myself to him, as I knew he would understand, and I thought he already suspected… But I put him in awful danger, and one day I had to run, to never come back.

I hadn’t suffered like that ever before. It was as if I had ripped away a part of my soul. Being away from him was so amazingly painful. My demon body didn’t understand it very well. With the years I learned I would never love two people the same way. Mainly because two people were never the same, but also because I was never the same. And still, it shocked me to feel the way I felt about V, it made me doubt about all my loving in the past. I had never surrendered myself to no one, I had never given control away, I was never so vulnerable. He made me realize, that even when I had loved, I had also kept my distance, knowing too damn well that it would be over at some point. This was my way to protect myself, and I could handle it. I couldn’t do it with him. He destroyed all my barriers. And I let him.

So, obviously, when I had to go I was a mess for years. I was barely recovering. I had to learn how to be my own again. All my friends said it was the best for me. I should be my own demon, but most of all, I couldn’t bring a human to our world. They all sounded like bad therapists to me. They didn’t understand. I was mad at myself for a long time, feeling like I didn’t do enough, I didn’t fight enough to keep myself next to him. But truth was there was no way around it. I was damned for eternity, and I wouldn’t damn his soul...

And here I was now. I didn’t have to damn his soul at all; he did it on his own. That fucker. Why did he do it? What would he possibly want that was worth his soul? And why on earth did I have to be the one to do this? How could I take his soul away, when I spent years protecting it?
The worst part was that there was no way out. I had to do it, or something way worse would happen to him, I had seen it before. I sat on the floor crying quietly for what felt like hours, until eventually I started to recover myself.

By the way, yeah, demons cry, and demons love. Nothing that is conscious of its own existence is able to escape general feelings. And love was just the oldest of rules. It was created as a gift, but it was usually used as torture. No one understood it very well. And some even used it as a weapon… anyway…

At least I got to see him one more time. I hoped he remembered me. I hoped it made him enjoy it more than he would if it were any other succubus in my place. I thought it was best that it were my kind hands that would lead him to hell… How ironic. He was the one who made me burn into ashes, he lit a fire in my soulless self I had never known before. He made me feel alive for the first time in forever. If I had a soul, I would’ve traded it for his.

I stood up, and walked slowly back to the bed where he laid so peacefully. I wanted to release him so bad. I wanted to wake him up and tell him to run. But it wouldn’t do any good. I wanted to kiss him, and cuddle next to him for hours, like I used to. I ran my fingers slowly across his cheek, and brought my face close to his. I inhaled his scent one more time, and pressed my lips to his.

“Why did you do this? Hell’s sake, V. Why?” I whispered quietly, not expecting a real answer. He used to sleep like a rock. I rested my head on his chest, pressing my ear so I could hear his heart. Instead, I heard a gasp, and I quickly looked up to his face.

“Sabrina… It’s you! It’s really you. It worked, I finally found you…” He said, looking overwhelmed, his hands suddenly holding my face close to his as if he was afraid I would vanish into thin air. “I never stopped looking, I knew I would find you. How did you ever expect me to let go of you like that?”

I had an awful thought. And I wanted to kill him right then.

“You did this for me? YOU SOLD YOUR SOUL FOR ME?!” I screamed. Now I was really angry, as realization washed down over me. Nevermind I just thought I would trade my non-existent soul for his, this stupid, stupid man.

He dared to laugh.

“I missed you. God, how I love you… Still.” V said in a whisper, and that almost broke my annoyance. Some part of me understood what he had done; I had to accept I would have done it if the situation was the other way around. I was still mad… But I knew I would have looked for him too, I just never thought he would come this far, as far as to discover my true nature; and even then, as far as trading his soul to find me, even knowing hell was my birthplace… “Didn’t you know I would look for you all over the earth? All over heaven… and hell.”

Yeah V, it’d be romantic. If it weren’t for the fact that now I have to take your soul to the underworld, just after I kill you.