90 days since their last face to face visit.
51 days since their last contact by phone. CPS left a voicemail about my registered letter, that I did not respond to.
3 months of picking up the pieces, 1/4 of a year healing, working through the emotions, healing the mind body and spirit of the damages and violence that have occurred here.
I just wanted to update on how we are doing.
We have still heard absolutely nothing from CPS. No letter of closure. No court order that they threatened me with if I did not comply in 3 days. No letter responding to my registered letter. No F*** you. NOTHING. They have just left everything hanging. It is my understanding that this is standard operating procedure, when they don't know what to do, or when they don't want to address the truths, responsibility and accountability.
I hope that every CPS worker reads this. I hope that they see what they do to our families. I hope that they see the damage that they do. I hope that the police see that their reinforcement is not positive.
Please take a moment to read my previous blogs. If you have already, I once again thank you from the bottom of my heart. I would also like people to know that I am more than open to questions, and discussions about anything that is posted.
I have been reading articles at #familyprotection and I have to say that the damage astounds me, and that I am very grateful for sound council, and handling this from a place of peace. My heart breaks from the stories that I am hearing, and witnessing. CPS is one of the most evil systems that are in play today.
"Oh, but Tammy, they are just doing their jobs." If they were truly doing their jobs, they would allow me to do my job as a mother. They would not be looking for things to interfere, to compromise or undermine me.
"Tammy, they don't have quotas, they don't take children unless the parents are horrific". So lets say that people started taking care of each other. Lets say that children were a priority in our communities. The need for CPS would diminish. They would require less/no funding. They would slowly lose their grip on our children. This is a multi million dollar making industry. Yes, INDUSTRY. So, in order to keep the funding, they must have victims, poor neglected children to rip apart to prove the system has worth. They must have the numbers/quotas to keep the funding. Think about that for a minute. Let that sink in. It is a money making machine, at the expense of our sons and daughters, and our families.
What is more interesting? Talking about quotas. We are now having an epidemic of human trafficking. Who feeds that system? Where are these children coming from? Would love to hear your thoughts on that.
Today, yes TODAY, is the first time that my daughter has laughed. I mean really laughed. Actually light hearted. Not angry at the little things that have been setting her off. She is getting back to herself. TODAY. 3 months later. It saddens me that she had to experience such violence in her own home. I could not shelter her from that. I have to forgive myself. That is very hard.
My daughter is saying things like " I better make my bed, in case CAS comes, she wont like a messy bed" or "I better pick up everything right away, CAS doesn't like me to make a messy room." The carefree child, was shattered into pieces. the thought of CAS coming to take her away was starting to take over her thoughts. Always in the back of her mind, effecting her behaviours. Causing her to do things out of fear. I do not believe in fear based reinforcement. And suddenly...here it is. In my face and in my home.
Laughter is such a great thing to hear today.
My daughter went for a sleepover. To a very good friends place. She has been there before. This time, she had a meltdown. Terrified to leave me. Scared. Almost hyperventilating to get her thoughts and feelings out, explaining to me what was happening. She wanted to go, she had been looking forward to it for weeks, but in the moment of leaving, she was terrified. All the fears came flooding forward. Panic. Thank goodness we have an amazing friend that understood, that knew what was happening, and helped us work through everything. She had a great time once she settled in.
We still go for walks daily. to do perimeter checks. especially when we hear snow mobiles. I am slowly changing that to morning walks or evening walks, losing the association of snowmobiles. It is a work in progress. We had an unexpected visitor come here one morning. When she heard the machine come up the driveway, my daughter ran to her room in tears, and hid. SOBBING. I asked the person to never come here unannounced again. He felt awful that he had caused her to be so upset. He was angry to see her so upset, and to find the cause of it.
As for me, I keep looking over my shoulders. Still get that sinking feeling in my stomach. Don't want to let my girl out of my sight for a moment. Feeling on high alert 24/7. I have heard the stories of kids being taken. Literally. Up until now, I never thought that happened often. Now, I believe these people with all my heart. They did it with the First Nations communities, and they are still doing it today. It is happening globally, to all children. I cannot say it enough. Do not trust these systems with your babies. Trust NONE of them.
Everytime i go to the post office, will i find the registered letter from them?
I was catching myself in patterns of 9-5 life. Instead of keeping time with the natural ways. Knowing that a 9-5 visit was more likely than after hours. We are now getting back to the natural rhythms. I think that is why I have been feeling so exhausted. Emotionally, mentally and physically drained. I have come to a place where I trust very few people. I can count them on one hand.
These are just a few of the things that have happened, the list is long. We are on a healing journey.But I truly do forgive them. I must. It is the only thing that will bring me peace.
I really feel that something has shifted. I am so grateful. I would be lying if i didn't say that I have fear. I do wonder if they will be back. How will they come back? Will I be considered hostile? When all i want is Peace?
All these thoughts come rushing forward. I try to breath, and stay in the moment of now. The laughter of my daughter.
Thank you everyone for your support, your love, and compassion.
Please share with anyone that can benefit from our story.
There is hope.
Love and Respect. Our children deserve it.