98 days since the first CPS visit- Our Emotional Roller Coaster

in familyprotection •  2 years ago  (edited)


90 days since their last face to face visit.
51 days since their last contact by phone. CPS left a voicemail about my registered letter, that I did not respond to.

3 months of picking up the pieces, 1/4 of a year healing, working through the emotions, healing the mind body and spirit of the damages and violence that have occurred here.

I just wanted to update on how we are doing.

We have still heard absolutely nothing from CPS. No letter of closure. No court order that they threatened me with if I did not comply in 3 days. No letter responding to my registered letter. No F*** you. NOTHING. They have just left everything hanging. It is my understanding that this is standard operating procedure, when they don't know what to do, or when they don't want to address the truths, responsibility and accountability.

I hope that every CPS worker reads this. I hope that they see what they do to our families. I hope that they see the damage that they do. I hope that the police see that their reinforcement is not positive.

Please take a moment to read my previous blogs. If you have already, I once again thank you from the bottom of my heart. I would also like people to know that I am more than open to questions, and discussions about anything that is posted.




I have been reading articles at #familyprotection and I have to say that the damage astounds me, and that I am very grateful for sound council, and handling this from a place of peace. My heart breaks from the stories that I am hearing, and witnessing. CPS is one of the most evil systems that are in play today.

"Oh, but Tammy, they are just doing their jobs." If they were truly doing their jobs, they would allow me to do my job as a mother. They would not be looking for things to interfere, to compromise or undermine me.

"Tammy, they don't have quotas, they don't take children unless the parents are horrific". So lets say that people started taking care of each other. Lets say that children were a priority in our communities. The need for CPS would diminish. They would require less/no funding. They would slowly lose their grip on our children. This is a multi million dollar making industry. Yes, INDUSTRY. So, in order to keep the funding, they must have victims, poor neglected children to rip apart to prove the system has worth. They must have the numbers/quotas to keep the funding. Think about that for a minute. Let that sink in. It is a money making machine, at the expense of our sons and daughters, and our families.

What is more interesting? Talking about quotas. We are now having an epidemic of human trafficking. Who feeds that system? Where are these children coming from? Would love to hear your thoughts on that.

Today, yes TODAY, is the first time that my daughter has laughed. I mean really laughed. Actually light hearted. Not angry at the little things that have been setting her off. She is getting back to herself. TODAY. 3 months later. It saddens me that she had to experience such violence in her own home. I could not shelter her from that. I have to forgive myself. That is very hard.

My daughter is saying things like " I better make my bed, in case CAS comes, she wont like a messy bed" or "I better pick up everything right away, CAS doesn't like me to make a messy room." The carefree child, was shattered into pieces. the thought of CAS coming to take her away was starting to take over her thoughts. Always in the back of her mind, effecting her behaviours. Causing her to do things out of fear. I do not believe in fear based reinforcement. And suddenly...here it is. In my face and in my home.

Laughter is such a great thing to hear today.


My daughter went for a sleepover. To a very good friends place. She has been there before. This time, she had a meltdown. Terrified to leave me. Scared. Almost hyperventilating to get her thoughts and feelings out, explaining to me what was happening. She wanted to go, she had been looking forward to it for weeks, but in the moment of leaving, she was terrified. All the fears came flooding forward. Panic. Thank goodness we have an amazing friend that understood, that knew what was happening, and helped us work through everything. She had a great time once she settled in.

We still go for walks daily. to do perimeter checks. especially when we hear snow mobiles. I am slowly changing that to morning walks or evening walks, losing the association of snowmobiles. It is a work in progress. We had an unexpected visitor come here one morning. When she heard the machine come up the driveway, my daughter ran to her room in tears, and hid. SOBBING. I asked the person to never come here unannounced again. He felt awful that he had caused her to be so upset. He was angry to see her so upset, and to find the cause of it.

As for me, I keep looking over my shoulders. Still get that sinking feeling in my stomach. Don't want to let my girl out of my sight for a moment. Feeling on high alert 24/7. I have heard the stories of kids being taken. Literally. Up until now, I never thought that happened often. Now, I believe these people with all my heart. They did it with the First Nations communities, and they are still doing it today. It is happening globally, to all children. I cannot say it enough. Do not trust these systems with your babies. Trust NONE of them.

Everytime i go to the post office, will i find the registered letter from them?

I was catching myself in patterns of 9-5 life. Instead of keeping time with the natural ways. Knowing that a 9-5 visit was more likely than after hours. We are now getting back to the natural rhythms. I think that is why I have been feeling so exhausted. Emotionally, mentally and physically drained. I have come to a place where I trust very few people. I can count them on one hand.

These are just a few of the things that have happened, the list is long. We are on a healing journey.But I truly do forgive them. I must. It is the only thing that will bring me peace.

I really feel that something has shifted. I am so grateful. I would be lying if i didn't say that I have fear. I do wonder if they will be back. How will they come back? Will I be considered hostile? When all i want is Peace?
All these thoughts come rushing forward. I try to breath, and stay in the moment of now. The laughter of my daughter.

Thank you everyone for your support, your love, and compassion.
Please share with anyone that can benefit from our story.
There is hope.

Love and Respect. Our children deserve it.

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Thank-you @earthmother for submitting this post with the #familyprotection tag. It has been UPVOTED by @familyprotection and RESTEEMED TO OUR Community Supporters.

"Child Protection Agencies" are taking children away from their loving families.

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Thank-you for sharing how CPS has damaged your child and caused so much stress for you both.
How on earth their unjustified intrusions are supposed to protect children or help family development is beyond me.

I am just happy that you had great advice and handled it properly early on.

It hurts my heart that people still think that the state knows more about raising our children than the parents. They are doing everything in their power to remove children from their homes. Now in Ontario they are working to get 100% free daycare for pre school. Someone else to raise their children for free while they go to work, keep the machine running. Can no one see this?? I just shake my head.

I am so grateful for @wwf. I messed things up by letting them in, talking to them. I think that alone opened me up for abduction of my child. it will never happen again. I truly hope that my story helps.

thank you so much for your support. I really like that we have connected!

It still surprises me how much you are affected by it to this day. Not meant in a bad way. As I have never experienced it, I learn to see how much damage they have done and to what extent. That says something as we are close friends. I say that I would be the same way as you, but I only know it/how much after you have expressed all of it the way you do in your blogs.
I hate what they did to you and your daughter. Hate is a strong and ugly word that I do not like to use, but it is the only word to describe it.
Continue on the path of healing and being on the natural time. I am always there for you girls and help with what I can. The summer will bring on more healing and more fun. Love you!!! xxx

I totally agree. I consider myself to be a very strong person. It amazes me how we are conditioned to think that these systems are OK. There is so much fear, coercion and violence that we swallow it all. We accept it. Working through this has really opened my eyes and heart. Seeing what this does to our children. Can you imagine going through all of this, and just having to suck it up, and move on. Letting it fester and build inside them? having the other systems that are in play for our children, tell them that it is ok, and feeds the fear? It is no wonder that we have kids lashing out. Kids that they are now forcing medications in order to be "allowed" into their dysfunctional school systems. It is a vicious circle.
I really hope by sharing, people see that this is NOT ok.
I am honoured to call you my friend, my sister! Love you! xox

It is good that healing is taking place. However it will definitely take time. As long as both of you are moving forward that is what counts. It saddens me to hear that such a free spirit (both of you) have been put into such fear. It makes my heart sing that they have not returned.

I was involved in a tornado many years ago. I still have memories when I hear machinery work being done. There was big machines that were digging and looking for people. The sound of the machines doing this work for weeks is ingrained in my head. Now is is just a thought but for years it took me right back to the trauma. I pray it doesn't take that much time for the two of you.

Thank you so much for sharing Carey. It's truly how amazing how the body and mind can hold the memories for so long. I have used EFT for emotional roots. It has helped significantly, but as you said, sometimes it just takes time.
I am so grateful for your support, and your good energy. through all of this I got to hear your voice!!! how awesome is that to connect!!
Huge love and respect to you! xoxo

EFT is such a good method of healing.

Your most welcome for the support. I do my best. I am working on my voice. I have discovered that I cover my mouth a lot. So I am realizing this and not covering my mouth and now my voice is coming out. Interesting how a simple action can stop us from doing something.

I really hope you guys have a fantastic weekend. Hugs and love to you as well.

xoxo I love your genuine and loving heart! I love your voice. :) I am here to listen!

Thanks so much. :) If there is anything we can do for the two of you just let us know.

I'm sure for you, the 98 days seems like an eternity. For me, I am amazed at how quickly the time went. I am also grateful that I prepared for the last 17 years so that I had the skills, knowledge and experiences to help you. :)

To hear that Avia is laughing once again is great news. To hear that you are healing is wonderful! The amount of courage it took for you to take those steps is intense and you did it! The level of faith you had in me humbles me greatly. To be honest, it scares me too. But that is my responsibility to heal as the energy of their violence went far beyond your domain. I am now working with others to communicate with them spiritually so that we can unfreeze their progress of healing so that they can empathize, feel and heal.

Forgiveness is an important component and I pray that the two of you can find a place in your hearts to forgive them. That process is for you, not for them. Just because we forgive them does not mean that we condone their behaviours.

You did a wonderful job at confronting them. I pray that the letter you sent planted seeds of doubt in their minds. If their spirit starts to thaw, they will see what they did and experience guilt, shame and remorse. That is the first step and I hope they reach out for true healing and change their ways, behaviours and justifications. I pray that they find peace, declare peace and be peaceful in their lives.

I know in my heart, that this situation sent ripples throughout the matrix. The world powers felt your rebuke. You are powerful beyond what either of us can imagine. You changed the system by standing up to them.

It is an honour to walk side by side with a spiritual warrior such as yourself. I wish I could tell you it gets easier. Well, actually it does. hahaha. Confrontation is never easy. I don't like it but I've learned to do it because it is needed for healthy relationships.

I've been doing this for 13 years and I still go through anxiety. I pray one day it goes away. But I suspect that won't happen until we find peace in the world. That starts within. I do know that I'm feeling more and more comfortable knowing that there are people like you who are willing to stand up for what is righteous, sacred and divine! We need more like you my friend.

Thank you so much.
I very much agree that boundaries are so important against the behaviours. Forgiveness allows me to create healthy ones.
I really like the thought that the letters and Avia's letter made an impact on the system. I never really thought about how that could possibly ripple. wouldn't that be exciting?!
I think that the anxiety, keeps us balanced. One day it will not effect us, it kind of tells me to buckle up! This is gonna be a ride! LOL
I am glad that it gets easier!!! lol

" I pray that the letter you sent planted seeds of doubt in their minds. If their spirit starts to thaw, they will see what they did and experience guilt, shame and remorse. That is the first step and I hope they reach out for true healing and change their ways, behaviours and justifications. I pray that they find peace, declare peace and be peaceful in their lives."

YES!!! I could not agree with you more. It starts with each individual in the system. I often wonder if that is why the original worker was suddenly off for 21 days. The ripples are underway!! I can feel it.

I am so grateful for all your help. I honour your journey. I am blessed to share this path with you.

This post was upvoted and resteemed by @thethreehugs. Thank you for your support of @familyprotection!

  ·  2 years ago (edited)

enlightenment a very nice @earthmother, very useful for me

i am glad that it was useful for you. It is my goal to reach people that have or are struggling, to help them find peace and hope.

I really regret what you are going through, however as you already know, we have a community here to support you, in my advertising I have some post where I present psychological suggestions to deal with the stress that is generated by CPS, and @marynes5 also, I hope that serve you

To listen to the audio version of this article click on the play image.

Brought to you by @tts. If you find it useful please consider upvote this reply.

I greatly regret that you are living this in your own flesh, however, constantly resort to tools where you can release stress, your children need you healthy and ready for the fight

thank you so much for your continued support! it means more than you know!

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