I speak from experience. I have a son, he has just turned three, and the last six months or so have been extremely challenging, to say the least. My child is extremely stubborn and string-willed, mix this with the “terrible-twos” and you have a full-blown warzone in your midst. The trigger that finally ended the war and gave us a peaceful aftermath: rhythm and routine.

While I always thought we had a good set routine in our home, we clearly didn’t, and my son’s teachers felt it. It wasn’t just at home that my son would fly off the rocket, he took to extremes at school as well. While his behaviour is classified as the normal “kids will be kids”, he was a kid on steroids. His teacher approached us with her concerns. At first, we felt offended, how dare you say my child is at fault? How dare you say my little angel is naughty?

Looking back though, his teacher approached all sincerity and kindness, she loves our son and she wanted to help him, and us. So, we teamed up with her and started to talk. Her first point in our conversation was; do we have a routine at home. I responded with “of course we have”. She didn’t argue with us on this, but gave us some reading material instead. 

Reading this material was what opened my eyes, it’s what made the difference! I realised that the very little rhythm and routine we did have with our son could be improved to great measures, without much extra work at all. Do yourselves a favour and look for a book called: Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne.

This book focuses on discipline through setting a calm environment for your child, while sticking to a daily household rhythm. The little things you do for your child and with your child can change and set boundaries that your kid will actually enjoy sticking to! I know this, from experience.

Our biggest challenge of the day was getting through dinner time without tearing each other’s hair out, bath time and bedtime was usually a disaster to. By following some of Simplicity Parent’s suggestions, we set a routine to the following:

1. Mom/dad prepares dinner while child plays and then packs away.
2. The table is set and a candle is lit. Each time we light the candle, we remind our child that he can blow it out once he has eaten his dinner, which he needs to sit still to do so.
3. We start dinner with a blessing, the same on each night – so my son can participate in saying the short verse.
4. Once dinner is over, my son blows out his candle and takes his plate to the sink.
5. Dad baths son while mom washes up.
6. This is followed by quite play or story time.
7. We then light a candle again, next to my child’s bed, to mark that bed time is upon us.
8. We brush teeth, place a cup of water next to the bed and say a prayer, before blowing out the candle once again and climbing into bed.

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This might seem like common sense to you, and we sort of had this routine going for us before anyway, but the lighting if the candle, such a simple gesture, is what made the difference. Why? Because it marked the routine, that is, it marked the beginning and then end of something and my child succumbed to that acknowledgement. He also loves blowing out the candle, so he is eager to do all of the actions that lead up to that moment. 

Adding markers to your routine and daily rhythm helps a child to anticipate and mentally prepare for what is coming next. This makes them feel that they are more in control of the situation and are less likely to become emotional and difficult. I appreciated the fact that the book also mentions that once in a while, routine can and should be broken. Make Friday night more fun by eating in front of the TV, or skip a bath over the weekend. This break from routine is what makes our kids appreciate it even more. 

We started a similar routine during our mornings, in preparation for work and school. After following this rhythm for a few days only, my son’s disposition changed completely. While he is still oh so stubborn and daring, he is a lot more willing to go along with the day’s requirements and does not get overwhelmed as frequently. 

I truly appreciate that my son’s teacher recommended this route of intervention, instead of imply on the use of medication or more formal therapies. All my kid needed to be a little more grounded was to be more in control of the day’s changes and expectations. Now we get to enjoy our time together and learn new things, at home and at school, instead of constantly fighting with each other to get chores and tasks done. Setting the correct foundation for learning is definitely key!

Much love - @sweetpea

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