When something sucks, don’t focus on it.
I have done that whole “depression” thing before. I know what it’s like. I’ve essentially gotten over it though and there is only one thing I’ve done differently. Medicine didn’t help. Blaming myself, blaming my “illness” and blaming other people didn’t help. Only one thing helped.
I still have negative thoughts that pop up every day. The difference between myself now and the self destructive mess I used to be is that I don’t bite when those bad thoughts come swimming in front of me. I don’t give them the time of day. I reject them as soon as they pop up. I’d be lying if I said I got it right every time, and never indulged myself in playing the victim or feeling sorry for myself, but I’ve made it a habit to drop thoughts of negativity as soon as I can.
this is my happy face, image link
Creating Good Habits in your Mind
You need to realize, first and foremost, that while you can’t directly control what happens to you, you can control your focus. There is always something positive to focus on. Sometimes it needs to be something general and unrelated to what you are focused on day to day. “At least the weathe is nice today” or “This song is nice, why don’t I listen more carefully”.
Whatever seems like the most pleasant thought at the moment, take it. There are some addictions that mask themselves as the most pleasant thought. Sometimes indulging is ok but at some point you need to stop feeding your addiction because it’s an enabler. Always look for some other thoughts that feel good and take those instead when you find them.
One skill learned from meditation is to how to control your focus. You can do it through sheer force of will too. Write down something to remind you to take your mind of whatever sucks. Put it where you will see it manyctimes throughout the day, and let it snap you out of it and back into the moment whenever you see it.
It helps to read or listen to something daily that reminds you that you are in control of your thoughts. When I look at some “self help” and “spirituality” I feel like “I know that already”, but if you haven’t internalized it to feel it every moment, it still has a purpose. Alan Watts , Abraham Hicks, and Elkhart Tolle are some popular resources if you don’t know where to start. They all focus mainly just on perspective, rather than promising you that you can become a millionaire or getting too deep into new age territory.
Changing your focus doesn’t mean running away
The things that depress you, depress you because your state of mind isn’t strong enough to face them without wavering. As you learn how to bring yourself out of depression and control your own mood, you’ll be able to face whatever was bothering you, and not get knocked down into that toxic kind of thinking. But you need to change your focus long enough to get to that point first, so give yourself room to do so.
You’ll come to realize though, that many of those things that make you feel bad and start you down that downward spiral will actually disappear and that the problems that once bothered you don’t always have the same weight to them.
I feel this daily with physical issues. If I face them when I’m ready to face them I can feel how they are improving. If I focus on them as soon as they come up, often I feel they are getting worse. Last night a problem came up and I felt it wanting to drag me down. I slept early and woke up and the problem is much better than it was last night, my body was just telling me that I needed some rest.
Let this post be a reminded for you too, even if you know all this already!
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Oh... i thought you were going to talk about F-c-book and ThemTube.
Totally applicable! Without a doubt!
Having been in the "deep dark place" I would have to say that the key (at least for me) was to be aware when I was "sinking into the mire" and change direction then... or I could end up looking at the clock, and suddenly six hours had passed.
"Changing positions" or "breaking state" was the most important thing I could do. My weakness was always a tendency to become semi-catatonic; I could sit and just watch the bird feeder for four hours straight. I actually felt "in a good mood," but I couldn't move... because anything other than watching the bird feeder felt overwhelming.
I learned that some depression isn't "clinical" in the traditional sense; it's "existential." We're not depressed because our relationship ended, or our dog died; we're depressed because we see the world going down the drain and we feel powerless. There's no "pill" for that; no amount of talk therapy helps... because what ails us is FACT. We just happen to (a) SEE it and (b) obsess on it.
May your days be bright.
It’s funny how everyone knows exactly what I’m talking about with this one. We sometimes think we are alone in our struggles but it turns out we are all on different but similar paths.
I’m starting to think that self love (sometimes mistaken for selfishness) is what most of us are lacking and what can fill us with enough energy to get up and do something.
Whatever you focus on, is where you're going.
That's why down hill skiers don't look at trees.
The trick for me, is to simply catch myself doing it. If I do, I can redirect my attention, it's the times you don't notice, that get you.
Peace.
Very true! I’m still working on it!
As am I.
Isn't that great :)
Peace.
This is too true. I would be lying if i say I've never been depressed. I've always had self esteem issues. When I was younger and even till now sometimes, when I'm depressed i seek an escape. Nothing self destructive. I love reading. So, i would stick my head in a good book and not come up for air as long as I can.
Now, I make myself too busy to worry or feel down. But I know I might have to stop sometime.
You are awesome! Don’t doubt it! Busy is ok to get through the worst of it but facing it when you feel strong enough allow someone you to overcome it!
I found that by choosing to do something that made me smile even while whatever what happening was royally sucking, coupling that with something that made me laugh, and adding something that helped me relax (breathing, exercise, journaling), I found that I was happier.
I found that investing in that gave me a better return on investment emotionally than being still upset about an upsetting situation. Doesn't mean you don't feel the SUCK while it's happening, right? Doesn't mean that at all.
It's just that choosing something more positive to focus on even with the underlying suck is still just as valid of a choice as choosing to obsess over the suck.
Eventually, triggers weren't as triggering and that is where, at least for me, the real victory started to emerge.
I remember when my brother broke up with his girlfriend. He had such an explosive angry personality but he wasn’t just out of energy to explode and so he just squeezed a banana and said “I feel like this banana”. We both started laughing. I loved that.
Just look for the happy wherever you can find it, even in a ridiculous way, right?
Of course, I wrote my comment about habits right before this...
I already have some strange parallels with @brightstar and @ameriespeaks as far as what kind of days we are having or what we are thinking or writing about so it makes sense if the same happens with you!
That's just the best way to get rid of them. When factors beyond my control tries to weigh me down, I think of how much worse it could be, and then I try to get busy with something else.
It doesn't work all the time for me either, because sometimes I ask myself why I have to look at the glass as half full, and if it'll make me ungrateful to view it half empty as it obviously is.
Both ways, I find doing something that I have absolute control of at that moment helps to take the sadness off.
Sleeping could work, but I can't sleep when I'm tensed or worried...I mostly pace.
So occupying my mind with positive thoughts, and getting my hands busy, is basically how I cope with it.
I don’t even bother with how much worse it could be, I just try to focus on how meaningless my focusing on those things is and how it won’t accomplish anything and simply not focusing on them might.
Regardless of the methods, it takes practice! Surrounding yourself with positive people helps.
It sure does.
I am gonna say it out loud. Knowing things alone is not equal to doing things. I have see people who read books gain knowledge and doesn't apply it anywhere. And I admit that I am guilty of such actions.
Coming back to the subject. I am very much interested in knowing building a habit.
U see addiction is different from habit.
I think if you change your overall state of mind and work on the dissonance that comes with conflicting beliefs, good habits tend to find you. I hope some of what I offered can help get rid of some conflicted beliefs. I read stuff that puts me in a good mood, the reminders are there to encourage action, not to avoid it :-) a decision still needs to be made to change something.
Actually I've been struggling a lot with a few things like the gaming addiction.. in this stressful environment I started playing games as stress relief but lately I noticed that I play way too seriously. Leading me into more stress.
I am being completely honest here I've been trying to implement a technique where I take a break from work and meditate but it feels awkward and this awkwardness overwhelms the effect of meditation.. but I do wanna try this.
What I am saying is that when it's a habit you don't care about the people or anyone around infact you yourself wouldn't be aware but the action is taken and completed.
I think you lack a real belief that things can get better if you work at it. If you really believe they can and you give yourself what you need, whether it’s playing games or meditation, you feel better afterwards.
If you need some energy, you are always welcome to come find me
wow such an inspirational post! love it! thanks for sharing your thoughts. i enjoyed the read!