DAD-Chronicals : The partnership of the parents as a role model for the children
The partnership of the parents as a role model for the children
Especially in the first years of life, children orient themselves strongly to what the parents perceive to them. This applies to general values as well as to dealing with each other - and in particular also to partnership relations. As children experience the relationship of the parents, they also shape their later love relationships and partnerships.
The ideal for children is often considered to be a "happy" relationship of the parents, carried by respect and love. In practice, however, there are conflicts in every respect, the family growth often aggravates them, as there is little room for the love life. As a good role model, parents can still work by dealing constructively with the partner and the difficulties that a relationship brings with it and for the child as comprehensibly as possible.
How important are happy parents for the child?
Happy parents give your children an important framework in which they can grow up and develop freely. Children themselves feel the need for loving and above all stable relationships. This applies both in the parent-child relationship as well as in the experienced partnership of the parents. An important aspect of any parenting is therefore to experience yourself not only as a parent, but also as a couple as well as a person. Children feel or experience unhappy parent relationships, put a burden on them, they unconsciously try to balance the condition and become, for example, particularly adaptable or conspicuously aggressive and defensive. Children often reflect parents' relationship issues and can provide important information.
Be a role model - you should pay attention to this in the partnership
Do you want your child to be a positive role model in terms of partnership and relationship does not mean that they have to "play" loving, happy parents constantly. Unlike Hollywood movies, real life is shaped by conflict and problems. That's why it's much more about how they deal with these issues within partnership and family. Important positive role models - and promoting aspects of your relationship include the following:
What appreciation do you bring to your partner as parent and person?
How open do you address conflicts in the relationship?
How honest and authentic do you speak with your partner?
What solution strategies do you have when you argue with your partner?
How prepared are you to explore, perceive and consider your partner's feelings and needs?
Also important is a generous handling of one's own weaknesses and those of the partner. We are all not perfect - not as partners and not as parents. This too is an important point in the experience of children: that in life and also in partnerships it is not a question of being perfect, but of lovingly and respectfully treating people and their qualities or minor quirks.
Authenticity creates clarity for children
Being authentic means being in harmony with yourself and your life and actions. Children who experience their parents as authentic, they experience it as real, which in turn strengthens the model aspect. With this interaction in mind, even in difficult times of your relationship, you should primarily strive to act on your feelings and be transparent to your children. This does not mean that you should pour out your heart to the offspring! What is crucial for children are clear messages. A sad and therefore crying father is for a child a much smaller "problem" than one who even in the greatest sadness tries to be funny and a happy partner and human being. Authenticity also gives the child the space to ask questions and the certainty of receiving honest, understandable and sensitive responses.
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