*CLOSED* Traf's 1 Liner Contest: Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone

in contest •  5 months ago

Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone

Contest is now closed, winners will be announced in the coming days

Come up with a funny, witty or downright silly idea for Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone, and simply post it in the comments below for a chance to WIN! And by implication, for a chance to not win and feel a little bit shitty about it. But that's life.

Examples

Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: Hire a pilot to have 'Claudia Mitchell, I'm sleeping with your sister' written in skywriting
Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: Surprise them on your anniversary by showing up after undergoing gender reassignment surgery

Rules

There's a 3 entry limit per person. If you go over this limit, well, I probably wouldn't notice, so you're in with a bigger chance, but try to let everyone have a fair go. You can only win once per person,irrespective of the number of entries.

I'll pick out 10 winners who I think gave the best answers and they'll each take an even share of ALL THE SBD REWARDS OF THIS POST. Yeah I'm keeping the Steem rewards for myself because I'm a greedy fucker. Well, if I'm honest, I'm not too concerned about the money but I need to motivate myself to read through all the answers, which is a lot of effort. But mostly it's because I'm a greedy fucker.

More Than Just The Prize Money

I'll likely favor smaller steemians than more established ones, so if you're just starting out and think you're pretty funny then here's your chance to showcase your material. I'll also be taking a look at the posts of some of the people who provide the best answers, and I recommend everyone else to do the same. Take a bit of time to read through some answers, Upvote the better ones and follow their authors.

The rewards are only a small part of this competition. I want to help discover talented content creators hidden away on this platform! If you think you're one of them, view this as an opportunity to build up a following by making an impact here. And please, reach out to each other, I'm guessing some of you will have what it takes to make it big on here one day.

Last time 5 winners took home around $100 each, congratulations to @writingamigo, @rokasltu, @swenger, @jeezzle and @slyborg, hope you can join us again.


Please Upvote and Resteem to support the contest! Let's find some more talent on here

Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.
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Wow! Thank you so much for picking my comment! I just sent 58 SBD to the winner of my contest yesterday and I wake up today and get 58.6 SBD back :D Thanks!

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Nice! I'm glad you got your money back haha! Now I don't have to feel guilty about emptying your pocket haha! You even got a 0.6 profit for your trouble. Awesome! :D

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Yes I made 0,6 profit :D Ballin!

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Thank you @trafalgar ! I like to win :-)

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Wow, I just logged in, and unexpected 58 SBD were in my wallet :) You made my day ;) Thank you

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awesome! thanks for pouring even more salt in my now ex gf's wound!

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Thank you very much @trafalgar - you are a wonderful person on the other side of the pond

"I'm sorry. I found someone else on Steemit."

Unlikely enough? :3

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didn't know you felt that way about me kev

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🤣🤣=🤑🤑

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Something's Wong with this post...

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"I'm sorry. I found someone else on Steemit."

And she replies: Idiot, that is my username on Steemit!

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I have actually been there, done that… Only, I knew it was her, and I was testing to see if she was cheating on me. She was preparing to. DUMPED!

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Tell her your ACTUAL number the next time she asks you how many people you've slept with...

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just say nipping to the toilet @trafalgar and run fast

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That's actually a great one, this seems to be the age of ghosting where nobody has the balls to tell someone I'm not digging you anymore so they just disappear and ignore said persons calls until they get the hint which personally I don't think is very cool.

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Good one and sadly so true! -_-

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Unlikely ways to breakup with someone: Sorry honey,I didn't tell you true that I am a gay.

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Yeah... pretty funny, always the best way to go for good karma.

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follow.jpg

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Just tell them you're running low on Steem
because you couldn't attract the attention
of any Whales with all the posts you've made...
@pocketechange

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haha yeah

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Haha! Simple and effective. I like it! Congrats on the win, mate! :D

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Cheers mate, it was a bit of fun. :)
@trafalgar thanks for the prize too.

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I submitted an entry as well, but I guess the scenario I pointed out was more likely than I thought haha!

Unlikely ways to breakup with someone: book a skydiving adventure trip for two and ask her to jump first. Once she has, close the door and ask the pilot to fly you back to the airport, take a flight to Bali and never come back

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[Me] Darling, I love you, but we have to break up.

[Her] But... How? Why?

[Me] Because I'm now...

The Joker!

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@mikelperez, that sounds quite familiar at least the Bali part of your story ;)

Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: Tell her you're running away with RIGHT Shark.

katy-perry-left-shark-super-bowl-halftime-2015-billboard-650.jpg

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This post received a 3.0% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @jhermanbeans! For more information, click here!

Great contest! Glad to see you running another one. Best way to break up with someone:

  1. Have positive STD results "accidentally" sent to her email address with your name as the patient.
  2. If you are living together, have someone else's positive pregnancy results sent to your address with both your names on the envelope as the addressee.
  3. Extra entry for anyone who thought of a killer response right after they posted their first three!
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haha nice to have you back again swenger
congrats on winning the first time

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Thanks again for choosing me to be part of such an "esteemed" group. I can't wait for my next job change to be able to list it on my resume. It may be an unfair advantage to the other job applicants, but that's OK as long as it is in my favor. (Note to self, remember this post before having your boss join Steemit).

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Haha, nice ones!

Ask her to meet you at the bank. She shows up. Goes through doors, alarm goes off. They find the gun you've hidden in the purse before she left. She goes to jail. Tell her long distance never works out.

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haha nice

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Harsh but fair.

Unlikely ways to breakup with someone: take a walk with her and have a friend of yours (ideally an attractive man) meet the two of you. Later, tell her that your friend said you have a very attractive mom.

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very nice!

"Roses are red, violets are blue .. I'm outta here .. the lease is your problem now."

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as are the 49 cats :)

"What do you mean I've chosen STEEM over you!? Of course I have .. it pays 'me'!"

Unlikely ways to break up with someone:
Link her to this contest with the caption "Just get the message already!"

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or "Just pick one!"

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haha thats the idea, and congrats for last time

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yes thanks again :)

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Ya this one is new!

Unlikely ways to breakup with someone: Tell her "honey, I'm dumping the garbage".
She looks at you, all misty eyed and appreciative of your efforts to clean the house.
Then lift her up and throw her out of the house.

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haha great idea! good riddance

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LOL, wonder what happens next!!

Purchase a score board marriage proposal, make sure you replace her name with your EX. At the ball game she will read it and probably give you a slap in the face and walk away, while an entire stadium is looking and feeling sorry for the romantic guy you are. You might actually score another girl that day :D

Disclaimer: I am not responsible if she accepts your proposal.

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not a bad idea :)

Unlikely: To tell my girlfriend "It's not you, it's her" :P

Unlikely way to break up: Have someone to break up with in the first place :(

Unlikely way to break up with someone: Entry #2.
Show her an editted picture of you and tell her thats your twin she been sleeping with......you know the rest😉

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haha well if it were your twin all along, maybe she doesn't mind

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Cos she didn't effin know😉

Unlikely ways to breakup with someone:

Start posting private videos of your fat partner on Steemit and call it Whaleshares: The series.

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haha I'm willing to share, not sure if there are any takers

Stick around until after the roofies wear off, wait for them to call the cops.

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ya timing/dosage fail, a beginners mistake

PERSONAL EXPERIENCE : I was with a girl and kissing her then a friend called me and heard her hot voice in the phone
he said I want to talk to the lady with you
my reply was : you can talk to her later at home, your mother is busy now hahaha
I swear he didn't talk to me again since that day

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ahaha that's brilliant

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LOL ty
I always do things like this with friends lol

Get a tattoo of their name but crossed. Than wait until they notice.

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very nice :)

It seems like a fair price but I don't have that much, sorry

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I have used it at several truck stops and bars throughout my life

Start building a wall to separate the house/apartment in two.

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the donald trump approach, i like it!

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lol, did not realize that :P

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Haha, I like it! How subtly :D You could lengthen the time in order to increase suspense: every day one brick while looking him/her straight in the eye ;)

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LOL, I just imagined that :P brick by brick...

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While playing Pink Floyd, obviously. ;-)

hope am not too late to the party, let me give this a trial,lol, am female so i will be coming from that angle.

Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: get a male friend to propose to you during a birthday party sponsored and organized for you by your boyfriend.

Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone:say you want to stay celibate for atleast a year but he ll still be your boyfriend.

Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: gist him every other day who got married last week and who is getting married this week and the week after.lol

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great suggestions

Unlikely ways to breakup with someone: post a contest online for best ways to break up with your girlfriend

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I see what you did there

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Unlikely ways to breakup with someone: Start using peanut butter as deodorant. Tell her if she doesn't like it she can lick it off. If she licks it off punch her in the face and call her a pervert.

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hahaha
I like how you've planned for all the contingencies

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Unlikely ways to break up with someone:
Just whisper her mama's name when you are making love to her😂

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LOL, that would go very bad.

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😂😂😂 i know, she is gonn break up right from the bed or sofa

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I did wonder where you were going with the peanut butter!!!!!!

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And then you find out she's into BDSM, and you're on the hook for $1000s for leather, chains, and find your man cave renovated into a dungeon. Then again, it sounds like that's the kind of girl you're looking for. ;-)

just text her
ILY ... nah not what you think .... I´m leaving you

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haha how lovely :p

How about a layer of spices on the condom before u go in...

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just make sure you don't accidentally turn it inside out before putting it on :)

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Off course.. just whisper in her ears, lets spice it up baby...

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Make sure the spices don't weaken the condom. Oops baby!

Unlikely ways to breakup with someone: Turn the toilet paper roll the wrong way around. Walk away.

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Hahahaha this one made me laugh, nice one man ... :), the walk away part was epic :)

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… you said it! XD

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perfect for a side saddle rider.

Send her a text saying you have a surprise for her and tell her to be at a meetingpoint at a certain time. Make sure to send her as far away as possible. Once she is there simply dont show up. Send her a text saying "she is gone, come over now!" Followed by "oops wrong screen". That'll stir things up for sure 😎

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LOL, experienced guy!

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Don't get me started LOL

  1. Buy life insurance on her to the tune of several million dollars, or at least print off certificates that makes/him/her believe it is real. If living together try to ensure (real or fake) that it is addressed to the two of you and that she opens them all.
    If not living together, watch a documentary together about hh holmes, then show her all the (real or fake) life insurance you been buying on her.
  2. Assuming she's not vegan, become vegan.
  3. Put a locking device on the toilet that only you have the key to. Lock it so that the lid is always up...except when you need it of course.
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sounds like you've got it all figured out

Okay since this is up let me share how i broke my last gf. She had a favorite teddy she had since she was 5 I sold it for $10 and told her about it while sharing a $10 icecream with her of that money ;-;

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haha in a way she ate her own teddy bear

Unlikely way to breakup with someone :

  1. Tell them you have to move abroad for work, like in Yemen :)
  2. Try to get them to break up whit you, like you go out in fancy restaurant and then start masturbating in public.
  3. You can act like a retard and pretend you don't now them any more.
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i'll start acting as a drooling amnesiac right away, thanks for the advice :)

Unlikely way to breakup with someone:

Ask your woman what she would do if you won the lottery. If she answers, she would take half and leave, give her the 8 dollars and tell her to pack her things

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hahaha
winning $16 is harder than you think :)

watch titanic together and tell her you want the same outcome for your relationship.

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haha nice! rather go drifting off to your own demise than spend another moment with her

Unlikely way to break up with someone: never tell her that you are breaking up and live in an unhappy relationship for rest of your life... oh, wait...
P.S. @trafalgar lies, he never followed me even though my content rocks.
P.S.S. Maybe he is not lying because I received my money from the last competition... Does it mean that I suck at writing? * goes to corner and cries *

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haha I never promised to follow all winners or not follow any winners
but if you do well I'll vote you up and hopefully you'll pick up other followers, and gain some exposure. I also mention the winners. Or you can talk to other people who you think have a lot of talent
I don't really look at my home page, I curate a little more actively

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No worries, I was just joking. I am super happy with everything you do here and I got some exposure as well, which is very cool. Plus, after tomorrow your vote will be worth so much less, so I am not even sure I want to be friends with you haha
p.s. It is sometimes so good to see some trending content not about Steem(it) and that's why i salute you.

I haven't read all of mthe many responses yet, so if someone already said this, sorry. Unlikely way to break up with someone: Tell them you had a revelation over night, you're joining a cult and are now married to the cult leader.

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haha nice

Knock, knock
Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single :)

Unlikely ways to break up with someone:

  1. Sending them a message in a bottle, per sea.
  2. Announcing the breakup over a live television broadcast.
  3. By standing on one knee ;)
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It's an Addiction , lol. Can't help myself!

Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone:
She: "Honey, are you gonna be mad if I text my ex?"
He: "Why should I be mad? What for you wanna text him?"
She: "I just want to ask how is he"
He: "Ok, no problem"
She: "How are you?"

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haha nice :)

Unlikely ways to break up with someone....

  1. When she says she wants to move to a new city, query whether you can have her apartment when she leaves.
  2. Bill Cosby her drink, send her home with a stranger, then blame the infidelity on her.
  3. Spray paint 'It's not you, it's me' on the roof of her car, then drive it into her house right below her window. For some 90's flair throw 'Nookie' on repeat in the stereo.
    (One of these is actually a true story)
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I bet you bill cosbied her you sicko :)

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I guess all you'd need to do in that case is invite Bill to join you and let nature turn its course. I can't believe you let that sweater wearer pop her puddin, allegedly, you'd say the next morning. Obviously it was #3, best way to rid ones self of a limp bizkit CD.

Walk your girlfriend/boyfriend home! And upon reaching the house, point it out and say "oh look! my ex's house!" Then walk out...

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haha
doesn't work if her roommate is an ex of yours :)

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haha I never have a girlfriend who's boarding. :p

Look carefully at dinner and say: "I wonder. I did not notice before that when you chew, your ears are moving up and down. Interestingly, and this can be corrected surgically? "

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haha i think she shouldn't be chewing with her ears anyway

Unlikely way to breakup with someone: "It's not a breakup, its a Hard Fork! You can always be my sidechain!"

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haha nice
anyone from team newton?

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Nope! While I have mad respect for Newton, I'm always on Team Leibniz ;)

Break Up With Anyone And Monetise Your Emotional investment In Five Easy Steps.

  • Step One:
    Take your soon-to-be-ex on a vacation to see the Mayan Ruins.

  • Step Two:
    Pamper your little moneymaker with daily spa treatments, filled with perfumes, avocado mask, cucumbers over her eyes and massages to relax her delicate muscles.

  • Step Three:
    Proudly parade your matured asset in front of the nearest tribe of cannibals.

  • Step Four:
    Explain to the chief how she was just tenderised and marinated.

  • Step Five:
    Negotiate price.

Write a note that says "I don't think we're right for each other", rubber band it to a brick, and throw it through their front window.

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haha works less well when you live together

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LOL that would be even better!!

Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: Eat her favorite pet

Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: An elaborate scavenger hunt that gets her out of the house long enough to change the locks and for you post the video of you nailing her sister

Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: "roses are red, violets are blue, garbage is dumped and so are you"

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haha I saw that you posted on the other account :p
nice answers anyway :)

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hungover posting is not the way to start the morning :)

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Ahahahaahahahahhah :)))

Unlikely way to break with someone:

Take her to a fancy restaurant, have some people come up and start playing the violin, then get down on one knee and open a tiny jewelry box to reveal a friendship bracelet.

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haha or just do up your shoelaces

"We - I - we- I , found someone else...(whispers to himself, I told you i would handle this)

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the bat shit crazy skitzo card, i like it

Unlikely ways to break up your girlfriend #2 just tell her you found somebody which is much lesser attractive than her.

#3 tell her the earth becomes so crowded to live in, I'll send you to Mars to have a new life.

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haha this meet carole, she's uglier than you, good bye!

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Hahaha say it on her face, and let's see if she won't walk in silent with a big eye and a "hmmp"

Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: pretend you don't speak the language anymore that you are used to communicating with them in 😆

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haha its weird how amnesia can hit like that

Ha ha i dont have idea but will like to know

  • Do you plan to use this ideas ?
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We demand commission !!

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well you'll have to settle for being an accessory to the crime of some of these suggestions

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Ha ha omg pure gearl ...........

Replace all her money with counterfeit bills, after she gets caught, testify against her.

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haha nice one

Unlikely way to breakup with somone
If they ask you to gift them something that will blow their mind
go to a Samsung showroom and buy a Samsung Galaxy Note 7 for them.
If you know what I mean ;)

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haha the al qaeda break up method
i like it

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one second she is there other second poof!!! :P

Googling "Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone" to get some ideas for this post.

Having her see it on your search history

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meta af

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nosey isn't she?

Drive out to the country where you have a road sign made that reads, "Welcome to Dumpsville, Population: You, Karen!"

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haha worth all the preparation :)

Take them out to dinner and put the breakup message in a fortune cookie

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haha especially if it was at an italian restaurant

Unlikely ways to breakup with someone : my bf just bought a hat, he said to me that the hat was way too big I said to him "the hat is not too big but your head is just small" ><

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Honey, whaaaaaaaaaa, phew, that was totally awesome, with a lot of practice, you'll be as good as my last partner!

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who was betty the goat

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😂 stopped here to give my iPhone a break! ITs dying due to the amount of comments