Leadership, Bridges and Restraint -- Not Everyone Is Built For Them
Ever meet someone who has lots of ideas and enthusiasm but totally lacks self-awareness to the point they shoot them self in the foot?
Frustrating to watch it happen. Even more so when the person is in a position of leadership and fails to recognise the responsibility accompanying the position.
I’ve been in leadership positions for the better part of the last thirty years. In volunteer situations. They tend to be way more demanding than an employment relationship.
In an employment relationship, the potential loss of income gives some leverage to the leader when confronted with a difficult situation. They still need to be dealt with using some level of restraint and influence. You don’t want a disgruntled employee.
In a volunteer situation, there is very little leverage. The ability to persuade has to outweigh the desire to assert authority. After all, authority is only real when those following are willing to give respect to that authority. Respect has to be earned.
One of the first lessons I learned about exercising leadership was that no matter how angry I am — do not try to smash the other person with your authority. That person is also a volunteer and can walk away. Volunteers are important. Happy volunteers are gold.
A wise friend of mine once told me, “never paint a person into a corner without leaving them a window to climb out of.” Once you make your point, it’s not necessary for the person to bow to your presence. Show some restraint and make sure the person exits with dignity.
Burning bridges is not a good plan. Build them, and keep them in good repair. There are plenty who will try to tear the bridges down through their own jealousy and resentment of those in leadership.
There are many ways to burn bridges and demonstrate how poorly suited for leadership you are:
… making false and malicious comments about the person and their commitment to the cause
… lashing out abusively at others when angry about situations
… failing to hear and heed when others attempt to gently calm a volatile situation you have created
… driving people away who would otherwise be a help and support to your leadership
… failure to listen and consider both sides of a situation and search to find middle ground
… failure to respect and uphold personal standards individuals set for them self in how they deal with others with kindness and respect
… failure to sincerely apologize when you’ve been human enough to screw up
The above are but a few that I’ve recently observed. As a leader over the years, I’ve made many mistakes. My direct and honest nature has gotten me into trouble more than once. My willingness to examine my behaviour and even to seek honest input from people I trust to give it, has meant I’ve been able to fix most of my mistakes by doing the right thing toward anyone I’ve offended.
Can’t fix them all, sometimes people are not willing to admit another’s human failings and willingness to own up to them. They prefer to harbour anger and resentment.
That I can’t change. I can only work to change myself.
Until Next Time — Just Steem on
Very good post. Lots of stuff for those of us who have leadership positions of any sort to keep in mind. I have a temper... I do my best not to let it control me. Sometimes the best choice is to walk away and cool down for a while so I can have a sensible conversation. But not always easy to make it happen. Especially when dealing with people who are quick to blame everyone else for their own failings or are more interested in their own power than the well-being of an organization or the people around them.
I know what you mean @bex-dk. As a leader it's important to step away to calm down when angered about something but it's so tempting to turn back and just make that one more point. Even though the point made in anger is rarely as effective as responding calmly and rationally later. I can be as guilty as anyone else on that point. I think the important take away is making the effort to be mindful and to follow through. We're human, it's not always easy.
I think it is also important that other people in a group remember that leaders are only human. We have bad days and emotions and struggles of our own. We can't always do the right thing even if we try. Some people just thrive on pushing our buttons.
Well that is true @bex-dk but you also don't take it out on others when you do get frustrated.
Well said, @shadowspub. There's more to leadership than just wielding power.
There is @rhondak and so many real leaders do such a good job that most people don't see what is involved. In recent years we've had a couple of people at the branch decide they were going to run for President because 'it can't be that hard'. That has caused more than a few people to respond with drop-jaw shock as they have worked alongside me long enough they have an idea of what is involved.
The one that did run and managed to get elected was an unmitigated disaster. The membership wisely hasn't elected the second one. They instead chose to elect someone who came up through the chairs and learned the job.
Wise wise words. I suspect there is some basis in current events that many Steemians reading this (including myself) are completely unaware of. Nevertheless, it is precious and timeless advice—an “evergreen” post if there ever was one.
Everyone on any public forum has the responsibility of remaining civil under duress and setting an example for others (though many don’t see it that way, unfortunately), but leaders are the ones we all turn to when the waters get rough; so the stakes are higher and it’s even more critical.
Well put Jayna. Yes, you are correct. The post is inspired by some recent events where a leader acted inappropriately in the heat of the moment. Sadly the behaviour has continued.
It's not easy to live up to the expectation of remaining civil under duress. It takes some self-awareness and thought that comes with maturity (and I don't mean age). It's easy to blame others or certain circumstances for 'causing' inappropriate behaviour. That doesn't solve the problem or change future behaviour. I know that I might react to certain people or circumstances. That means being mindful and owning the response.
Failure to own the response and manage it, is a lack of leadership.
I believe I know the circumstances and behavior you are speaking of, and I concur. Better choices could certainly be made. Thank you for your willingness to step up and make a statement about it; I hope people who are choosing a standard bearer to follow start here.
thank you for your very kind words @jayna. I thought on it for a while before deciding to write this. It's meant to create thought on the subject and hopefully it has.
Very eloquently put, @shadowspub.
refrains from hugging ;-)
thank you @tinypaleokitchen. Experience is an interesting teacher.
I've noticed some trends developing in contests as well where it is literally pages of rules for a damn online contest that should have a shred of fun in it....it is sad for me to see people leave because of platform issues
those I see time and again seeking one way or another to always be in leadership roles or pretend they are not doing that I tend to wonder wtf is up...you are a great leader who has done a lot for the platform
thank you @battleaxe. I've often found over the years when I'm seeking people to fill positions, the best leaders are found in the group who just has their head down getting the job done. They know what it is like to do the job and can have empathy for others.
I remember one fellow I approached to take the position of 2nd Vice who was at first determined he wasn't officer material. I'd been watching him and everything I saw had me believing he was a whole lot more capable than he was willing to see. I managed to get him to accept cause I really needed someone in the spot.
He gained enough confidence that he moved up to 1st Vice the following year, held that position for 2 years and then moved to President. He did a great job.
This was a very good post. I've found that sometimes when these conflicts arise, the best thing to do is take a deep breath and step back and remind yourself that you're all aiming for the same things, it's just that, often, the ideas you have about how to get there are what's causing the clash.
It's very much like when you accept crit on writing. It's best to take ego out of the equation and keep focussed on the fact the person giving the critique is trying to do their best for the work and not for your feelings.
Couldn't agree more on both points @damianjayclay.
In the situation which inspired this post, suggestion was made that chill out time would be good. That sparked a new escalation, so apparently wasn't well received.
I've had one piece critiqued at TWB. I submitted it with a lot of trepidation but the response really was great. The holes in the story were pointed out in as kind as way possible.
Had I chose to be defensive about my writing or took the comments personally, I could have perceived the comments as an attack. They were anything but. Putting aside any personal response, the comments were dead on and showed me weaknesses in what I had written.
I am working on making revisions and it will be resubmitted. Writing is a craft and can't be improved if I'm not willing to listen to input and work on learning the craft.
I could not agree more with what you have written. I myself have come across some instances of poor leadership (and felt sorry for the ones that didn't see it) on this platform alone. I think self-reflection is extremely important and a much needed skill of a leader, otherwise to be honest they are a walking disaster. Believe in a cause is one thing but being led by someone who can build you up and get you there is another, that is truly a leader.
I also have to say yes the painting someone into a corner without a window never will work well, as it really will bring out the worst in a person at least in terms of defensiveness and emotion as it is more for self-preservation at that time. Anyone that does that themselves and paints people into a situation like that really does need to adjust their ways. I for one have left a couple of groups in both personal life as well as on this platform due to the leaders. The only thing I probably regret a bit is not fully standing up like this and shedding some life or food for thought on it because the people keep doing what they do and fool others by not showing those spots of themselves. I do hope that those that have issues with their leadership and making others mad, or bringing people down, or pushing their thoughts and values on others, as well as being disrespectful, take at least a moment to truly examine themselves as the world does not end up being kind to those that deceive it. My thoughts anyways. Great post.
We've all burned bridges in the past... picking yourself up and sometimes being the one to apologize first is important. No one wants to be the bad person, but things happen and only we can control our future and our reactions to someone else's actions.
Ugh! I know exactly what you're talking about, and it's so discouraging. We've always taught our kids, "you can't change other people, you can only change your reaction to them." One of these days, they might even stop rolling their eyes and believe us. 😜