Do you give people what they want?
If you care for someone, do you simply give them what they "want"? Or do you give them what they really need to grow?
Many people want to make others in their life "happy" and be "liked" by them. When someone desires, wants, or wishes for something, do you just give it to them because you want them to be happy or "feel-good"? Because you want to "help" them? Because you want them to "like" you in a reciprocal fashion?
"I want soft-drinks."
"I want sugar."
"I want cigarettes."
"I want drugs."
"I want ..." fill in the blank.
"Gimme gimme gimme! Don't you love me? Don't you care about me?"
If you really care for others, do you just give them what they want? No... you should be thinking about how it actually helps them, objectively, not how it fulfills some subjective desire or attachment.
If you just give them whatever they want, that's enabling and feeding them their negative-ego conditioned attachment to desires and distortions. They just keep doing it, and you help them stay that way.
Giving people things that are against their health and well-being isn't "caring" about them, or "helping" them, it only enables them. Why be an enabler?
We should be helping others to be more responsible for themselves and live a better life by their own hands. That's empowering them in life.
Help and care for them by giving them what they need to better, improve and grow, by giving them the truth about what they are doing to themselves. Enabling them isn't helping them at all. It just keeps them stuck in their attachment and reinforces it as "ok", perfectly fine, and acceptable, because you "feed" them these things. Denial or ignorance doesn't help anyone.
Of course, the problem with this is that we don’t want to be told of our wrongs and errors, either to done to ourselves or to others. We also don't "like" taking on this responsibility to truly help others. We fear facing our problems, and we fear speaking to others about their problems when we see it.
Most people want to be left alone to continue to do wrong-actions, whether they are aware of it or not. This denial and ignorance of facing their errors and wrongs, ranges from the above examples of their behavior to consume products that aren't good for them, but also their behavior that isn't good for others and creates harm for others. It's just that one is self-inflicted, while the other is inflicted on others.
We don’t do anyone any favors by letting them get away with errors in the world, just because they “want” to keep doing what they do, to "feel-good", to “enjoy” themselves and “have fun”. Just because we want them to "like" us. Just because we always want to be "nice", "kind" "get along" and "keep-the-peace". Just because we don't want to "rock the boat", create a "hassle" or "make waves". Just because we don't like things to get "negative" between us. This is part of a deep psychological motivation for the "positive" and "feeling-good" related to the pleasure trap that can blind us to what we need to do.
So we keep a fake positivity-mask on in avoidance of controversy, conflict, friction, interference or tension in our lives. We fear breaking the maintenance of our relationships, our "connection" to others, and the “loyalty” we share if we speak up. Most of us don't want to face the mirror. If someone dares to speak truth, the reaction in often "how dare you do such a thing!" even if they don't say that verbally. It's a lot easier to ignore the issue and keep being a coward so that the relationship can keep going on by maintaining falsity between us.
Aren't masks and fakeness/falseness great? Gotta keep realness and authenticity hidden...
Isn't that a great way to live our lives? In fear of how people will react to the truth? So we are fake and inauthentic in order to allow falsity to continue rather than speak the hard, uncomfortable, inconvenient truth that can hurt our delicate egos and sensibilities... Wonderful... That's the way to progress!
Truth is supreme. Caring for others is helping them to Care for Truth by speaking truth against falsity in our lives.
When we care for truth, then we can seek, discover and embrace it into our lives rather than continue to ignore, avoid, deny or reject it in favor of remaining attached to falsity. Truth is extreme – truth is one way – go all the way. Or, stay apathetic to the truth, be a coward, because we fear what will happen in our relationships with others if we dare to call them out on their denial and ignorance.
Some truths are harder to accept, so we may need to start with smaller truths and build our way up to a level of comprehension that would allow us to see the light of truth we currently deny.
So when we "help", enable or allow others to keep doing what they do to themselves or others, we are helping them continue that behavior. We shirk and brush off our responsibility to speak the truth that can get them to see the error of their ways.
This doesn't help anybody in the end, now does it?
People and the world don't change for the better when we keep ignoring issues around us,no matter how small. If we truly care and want to help, we need to speak up and shed light on the darkness of the situation.
We judge, offend and insult ourselves by our own actions. Speaking the truth is to shed a light on the darkness, and that light can be blinding. The blinding light can cause people to turn away from us, to yell, complain, and be mad at us for blinding them. But this is the burden, service and sacrifice we need to make when we live up to the responsibility of caring for truth.
This is hard work to do, with hardship and tribulations in our lives (as mentioned above). Not many people understand the importance of doing this. It's preferable to choose the wide and easy path of allowing everything to continue and keeping the false peace, rather than choosing the narrow and hard path that eventually brings real peace by having us let go of our attachment to negative desires and behavior in our lives.
You will lose friends when they don't care for truth and choose to remain attached to falsity. That's why truth is symbolized as a sword. Truth divides from falsity. When you speak truth to others, it's not out of hate, but out of care and "love". The first goal is truth, and it does create conflict, unfortunately. That's just how it works. Then the peace can happen automatically afterwards.
"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn 'a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law-- a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.' Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. He who receives you receives me, and he who receives me receives the one who sent me."
- Mat 10:34-40
The above symbolism about "Jesus" is an esoteric metaphorical way of talking about truth, the light of life that feeds and nourishes us metaphysically in consciousness. It's what I have talked about before many times: realer, higher and truer life and living is found through caring, seeking, embracing and embodying truth into our lives, and especially moral truth.
Truth is "Love". "Love" is Truth. Truth unites. Lies divide. Embrace Truth. Care for Truth.
Integrate with Truth & Morality.
Live integrated & connected.
Truth is one way – go all the way.
Also check out my recent post a few hours ago about Mind Control and Seeking Truth as it relates.
Thank you for reading! I appreciate the knowledge reaching more people. Take care. Peace.
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Author: Kris Nelson / @krnel
Contact: [email protected]
Date: 2016-09-24, 1:25am EST
This sayings applies to this articles, "Give a man a fish and you'll feed him the whole day, Teach him how to catch a fish and you'll him all the days his life".
This a very powerful sayings that explains how life should be but lots of people dont understand or ignore this.
Yup, you can't make people do anything. But you can show them the way and how to do things for themselves. Thanks for the feedback.
Yes, you right @krnel, because it is also impossible to please everybody. In every situation, in every group and organization, it is impossible to please them all, there is always those who will go against somebody.
don't spoon fed people too much, give them space and let them do it instead
Absolutely. People need to go learn and seek things out for themselves. Start them off by planting some seeds of inspiration, but don't spend all your time feeding them all the fruit yourself. If we all did that with everyone, we wouldn't have much time left over at all! lol. They need to grow and pick the fruit themselves.
Upped 100%
I can relate to this - when I came abroad - people thought I became an ATM machine, they ask me for money, gifts on holidays, some of my relatives expected a monthly support and some demanded from me. The moment I've said no and didn't do what they want - they cut me off their lives .
I think you get to see the true colors of people when you say NO to them.
I'm not selfish or self oriented, I just don't want to underestimate the capacity of a person to provide whatever he was asking me for - for himself and I don't need to be "the big madam" in my family, to my friends and the people around me. It's a disease in the Philippines - many "big madams" and it's none of my business because it's their lives but I don't have the need to be validated by people around me at all. I noticed that "big madams" would love to be part of every events, contribute to everything (financially), say YES most of the time to requests and TREATS everyone OUT and the way I say it - this is all - as you wrote it there - to be liked.
Food wise - when people come to my house, we serve them what we eat - and we don't eat craps - mostly organic and healthy stuff only - nothing that looks like a science experiment on the label. We do the same when giving gifts .
People who REALLY value you for you would stay no matter what - you don't have to bribe them to like you. I choose like minded people who can take NO for an answer - although when I do say no or have to "say it to someone's face" I put salt to my words -because telling them the truth doesn't mean it has to hurt.
Beautiful post, very good material have posted thank you very much
Thank you and you're welcome.
Love this article. I particularly like the metaphor of truth shining light through the darkness. Brilliant :)
Thank you :)
Yes, the truth is indeed brilliant as well ;)
When we say something is brilliant, it's blinding to your consciousness and impacts us heavily. We call people brilliant because of their level of awareness about something in reality or they ability to act in reality.
Take care. Peace.
Then brilliant is exactly what I feel about you and this article :)
This was interesting to read because this brought up a situation I had gone through with my current girlfriend. We have almost a decade of age difference between us and she was very co-dependent. She would be unhappy if we didn't go out and always needed me to go everywhere with her. She is a wonderful person and I had to help her better herself so she would not need me to depend on. I prepare for the worst and if something were to happen to me when she depended so much on me with finances and and everything else, what will she do? I think it would be my fault if I let it go that way so I had to be tough and help her through the time when she learning her identity and becoming responsible for herself. I love her very much and almost 4 years later, she has a career and can support herself. If anything were to happen, She'll be fine.
Awesome story! Many don't understand that truth is "love". If you "love" and care for someone, truth is a very important thing to give them. If we don't give them truth, we just cower in lies. Way to go! Congratulations. Thanks for the feedback. Take care. Peace.
One of the strongest disapointment in life was exatcly this one. When dying people were asked about it - they said - I didn't do what I wanted....
You didn't read the post. That's not at all what this is about... Read before you comment.
Never feed a want, but endeavour to always nourish a need.
Another very sensible and dare I say it wise post. We go through our lives just doing often without consciously thinking about why we are doing it. We encourage others to do the same by not questioning it. This goes back to my belief that we should all be taught mindfulness at an early age.
Great post. This articulates exactly how I felt a few years back when I began a friendship with a co-worker who considered herself to be a transgender "man", though she was biologically female and romantically attracted to men. I tried to be truly helpful by encouraging her to carefully consider the negative repercussions that could result from a sex re-assignment surgery. I only hoped that she would carefully examine the TRUE cause of her "dysphoria" before sacrificing herself to become a guinea pig for the pharmaceutical-industrial complex. Of course my well-intentioned advice was viewed as "bigotry" and she chose instead to sever our friendship and cut me out of her life, at a time when friends were few and far between in my life. She only wanted to surround herself with people who enabled her delusion and referred to her as a "he". This was difficult for me, and it was then I learned that sometimes you cannot force a person to see the Truth, no matter how good your intentions.