Marching forward

I have to admit, I have been quite disappointed in myself lately. I'm trying to make today better, but being kind to yourself isn't as easy as it sounds. Especially when dealing with mental health and chronic pain in stressful conditions.

I have great goals of standing on my soapbox and raising my voice for awareness and answers for CRPS. I want to be the change that I need to see in the world. I want to make a difference for others.

I want to be happy, healthy and successful (so mote it be). I say it to the Universe everyday like it is real.

I want to feel my smile go from my nose to my toes. An inner smile, pleased with myself and my surroundings. I want to feel the positivity.

Health is something that kind of disconnected me from my spirituality. It's also something I am trying to fix. But I want to be healthy, mentally and physically. Although my list of chronic conditions continued to grow over the years, I continue to find the lessons in each one. Even CRPS. (Side note- CRPS changed everything for me. It makes everything a struggle and most things seem impossible. But it also reminded me of my inner strength and intense desire to help others.)

Success has been one of those impossible things to accomplish. I give myself credit for the things I manage to accomplish, but I am not a successful person. Even today, I had to leave my 2.5 hour work shift early because my shirt and hair invisible cuts, my arm and everything attached, changes in the weather on top of stresses that I can't even touch on these blogs.

Life is messy. My pain and brain seems to be getting in my own way. My pain is enough to drive me crazy sometimes. More often than not lately.

But I was reminded that I am not alone. Although CRPS is rare, there are other people with it and they are AMAZING people. Most struggle with the same hiccups that I seem to be struggling with.

Most of us have a common quality of confusion and being overwhelmed. We know what we need to do, we have a srcribbled post it note somewhere that says it, CRPS just doesn't allow us to do it in what our normal bodies would consider good timing.. we then feel bad for it and feel less accomplished.

We mean well and want to correspond with each other often, and to communicate with others properly, on top of doing everything else on those post it notes plus what we have to do daily. We all seem to be limited with 'focus time' where we can focus on these goals we want to accomplish and actually see them flourish, instead of focusing on how to "jimmy rig" a situation to make it work for us. Or just straight up being miserable in pain, can't be touched, can't hear loud noises or see bright flashing lights, no vibrations.

We can't beat ourselves up over it. We are human beings dealing with extreme circumstances daily according to our brains.

WE ARE WARRIORS.

I am trying to focus on the positives and the things that I can accomplish while living in this physically limited body. This is what we are all trying to do and this alone is an incredible accomplishment.

We must be kinder to ourselves. A good friend and fellow warrior reminded me of this. The fact that we are trying is what makes us superheroes. It's what makes us warriors <3

So for all of my fellow warriors that I have met along the way, I love each of you in a very special way. For you I fight for better days and to finally Conquer CRPS. Because there will be a cure someday.

Support group starts in May, we will be meeting in Nova Scotia. But you can join the monthly conversation online if you are not in the area. Email [email protected] to register :) or find us on Facebook : Conquer CRPS NS <3

The second annual Walk to Conquer CRPS is happening in September and I cannot wait to see what funds we can raise towards the medical research happening in Montreal. One step at a time, we will kick CRPS in the butt.

Also, I will be collaborating with a few warriors on an e-book and inspirational calendars. Portion of proceeds are also going to the medical research happening in Montreal. This is a new concept that I am incredibly eager to expand on!

Make each day a great day with positive thinking, you can do it :)

Positive thoughts,

-Kristen Sparkle