The Ultimate Steeemit Ass-Kissing And Ass-Licking Tutorial (Only For The Brave)

Life is full of asses, plenty of them. Only recently, @mistermercury argued that Steemit is full of asses and even posted some pictures to prove it. Well, I am here to teach you the perfect way to lick and kiss ass.

1. Get the right ass

I cannot overemphasize how important this is. Not all asses are the same; any veteran ass licker will agree with me. Some asses have nothing to offer. Others could be licked, kissed and even eaten yet they won’t show the tiniest shred of appreciation. Now choosing the right ass isn't complicated. However, note the following.

The age of the ass has nothing to do with being the right ass to lick. Of course, there are some really old asses that will do just fine; just as there are some asses that have been here for a long time but are not deserving of your time nor your tongue. A good indication of if an ass is good for you is how many people are kissing that ass. Go for well-greased ass. These asses know what you want and will act accordingly (If you kiss them right).

You can also search out for fresh asses. Some ass often get huge behinds delegated to them. If you are able to spot one and kiss that ass before other kissers come along, the ass might just get stuck on your kissing style.

Here, gender doesn't matter. Although male ass are more common and have been know to respond favourable to stimulus. Nationality doesn't matter either. The only thing that matters is if the being friends with the ass will bring any benefit to you. If yes, please proceed. If no, do some proper background check and find the right ass. You might also want to consult veteran ass kissers and lickers. (Drop a comment if you’re interested)

2. Get The Right Lip Balm(s)

I know your partner probably says you're the best kisser. Well, that doesn't work for asses. Asses are sensitive creatures. A badly delivered kiss could earn you a down kick and you could be rolling in the dirt. From a really big ass, that’s going to leave a sign on you and other ass will avoid you like a dirt or even kick you further into the dust.

For your lip balm, I recommend three brands (You could combine them).

Timex.

This is a very important lip balm. Most asses often have thousands of ass-kissers on their trail. You want to be ahead of them. If not, you might just come around when the ass is already sore and nothing you do will give you the desired results. Or even worse, the ass has fallen in love with another person already and you have no chance at that ass until the person messes up.

Deep roll.

This is a very special balm that most ass-lickers know. Because the really great asses are always licked and kissed, the nerve endings at the opening become numb easily. You have to go deeper. It’s like saying “good post” on Steemit. Everyone does that. The smart ones drop essays as comments and spend time thinking of witty sayings. You need to do more. You need to go deeper. You need to go deeper.

Lick Enhancer.

This is actually a balm that helps you kiss the ass for longer. Remember the really good asses have a lot of people kissing them. So you need to kiss the ass as often as you can. Mortals fail in this area but great ass kissers and lickers have been known to succeed.

3. Be Faithful

Nothing ruins a great ass licker career than being unfaithful. For instance, if you are a member of Kenneth Haejin's church, you should not be found at Bennie Hinn’s services. It doesn't work that way. You could lose both asses and all of your efforts will go to waste. Besides, unless you are a divinely ordained ass kisser, it will be hard for you to constantly kiss both ass the way they want.

I am not saying you should stick to only one ass. Argh! That’s impossible and even detrimental. Sometimes, your favourite ass gets over-licked before you arrive and you need to find some other ass to lick. The point here is to know the kind of ass you are sticking with. These asses move in clusters. Sometimes, they even lick each other’s asses. Just be smart about what you do.

4. Grow An Ass

It’s not enough for you to be an ass licker, you also have to grow an ass too. As you progress, let people know what a great ass licker you have become. Make posts about it. Promote your art. But most importantly, do not share the crumbs from the table with non-ass lickers

Try to get your own following of ass kissers and lickers. After all, you paid the price. It isn’t too much to ask of others.

I mean, it’s unfair for you to go all out to lick ass and some dude comes along hoping to be your friends without kissing your ass, or at least pretending to do so.

5. Upvote And Resteem This Post

Common, don’t be stingy. There are plenty of prospective ass lickers out there who need this tutorial. Even if you are not an ass licker, do upvote and resteem. This is most likely what someone going through your feed needs right now.

Lemme end by saying only one ass is being kissed by preparing and publishing this article. Hopefully, the ass will make friends with me and share some upvotes among my hungry posts.

This is my entry for the STEEMITS FIRST ASS KISSING CONTEST by @mistermercury. He provided the picture

I hope you enjoyed it. I wanted to make it 100% satire but I’m too tired. I think I should take a break from Steemit (but the money…)

Thanks for reading

Blessings