Let the future you form the present you

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What is the necessity of pursuing happiness with pain

It might seem like it is difficult to make a choice, but in fact, you already have the choice you want.

In the psychological counseling class, the professor shows us a case:

There is a female worker who just started work, a married man confess his love to her. It's nothing special in this case, but the problem is the girl also falls in love with the man. Intellectually, she knew she should not be with him; The girl do not know how to choose and feel miserable.

The professor said: We know, as a psychological counselor, we cannot make choices for our patients, our focus, is to help them clarify their ideas. So, when facing this type of case, if you can only say a sentence, what will you say to her to help her clarify her ideas?

First, we cannot give advice. Secondly, we cannot use clarification technology (because it often requires a lot of communication). In this case, we all agree that it is impossible to do, especially when facing complex emotional problems.

The professor said: "It is possible. I would say: Please imagine yourself after five years, and then return to today, five years later, what advice will you give the present you?" After that, the girl thought for a moment and said: "I understand." What does she understand? What decision did she make? We never know. But she walked out of the consulting room with strength, she looked through her heart, made a choice, and she will face the consequences of the choice she made.

Ordinary people will only see the immediate problems, so they often stuck by the environment. The professional will know from the past events, the experience accumulated from the success and failure, the professional will gain their strength from the future.

What we often think, is that in today's endeavor, one day in the future, we will meet a better self. Just like we need to go through a continuous process of pain, anxiety, and oppression so that we can finally reach a happy shore. We are convinced of this because many people are telling us. When a lie repeats 1000 times, it becomes truth.

Everyone can reach the other side of happiness, whether the process is painful or happy. Even if we want to, we can reach the other side right now.

I have a friend who studies psychology, have been trying to lose weight, she says, whenever I think about beautiful and happy appearance after losing weight, I will have the motivation to lose weight. She fills in the form every day, calculates the calories, controls the diet, cuts the pain, and is unhappy all day. One day she suddenly changed, do not refuse any invite to dinner, and also participate in group activities. We asked her: Are you giving up on losing weight?

She said: "I figured out something, I don’t have to nostalgia my beauty, also don't have to wait until I become a beauty in the future. The present is the most beautiful."

Guess what happened? She was able to lose weight.

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Learn to bring dreams to the present

To pull the future into the present is a trick many people use unconsciously.

Tiger Woods said he always predicts in advance the trajectory of the golf ball in the air before hitting the ball, and through such a method, the ball is often roughly land as the same as his prediction. Basketball legend Michael Jordan also uses the same technique.

Its uses much more than that. There's a Chaplin story:

The famous actor Chaplin was invited to a dinner party with a lot of celebrities. They suggested Chaplin sing a song because they never heard Chaplin sing. Chaplin got up and sang, and the whole crowd turns in silence and received applause from the crowd. Someone asked him: “I don't know you can sing too.” He replied, "I am not a singer, I am just acting as a singer with my heart."

I used this technique, too.

Many people do not believe, I have a fear of stage. During middle school, there was a time to speak in front of the whole school; I trembled to the podium, my eyes did not look away from the manuscript once. I distinctly remember that I almost fainted under the flag. 

This incident cast an unfading shadow in my heart. I have been hiding in my confidence corner, make me try to escape every time on stage. Every time I go on stage, I will unconsciously recall the scene of the failure.

After learning some psychology, I formally declared war with my fear. The method is very simple: I want to be a good speaker, if I think that I can’t do it or not good enough, this means that I have already lost the speech before it starts.

The first step, is to convince myself I was a successful speaker. The second step, I will imagine the successful presentation scene repeatedly, play over and over again in my head, including the applause, cheers, flowers and so on. Finally, confidently walked up the podium.

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Live in a better life at once

Some people think that, isn’t this hypnotize themselves or brainwashing themselves?

Actually it’s not. In “Game of Thrones”, Theon was caught by a small skinned man, tortured with a near-madness way, and washed away his pride and self-confidence, and turned him into a "skunk." However, when Sansa faced danger, he still can fight the fear in his heart, and changed back to Theon and rescued Sansa.

Hypnosis yourself, shout at the mirror every day: I am the best! I'm the best! In fact, at first, you might not believe it, you know it is just to cheer yourself up. On the contrary, the possibility of bringing the future into the present is to help you to become a better self is really possible. When you are fully engaged and physically in the possibility, it will becomes a reality.

No one can give you what you don't have, and can't make you become what you are. Present you and future you, are you.

Let your better self out, and from this moment on, live like that.

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