Time Travelling Through Life

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I discovered some old letters and postcards while clearing out the store room a few days ago. At first I thought they were just letters I had kept from my friends and family. I used to write very often to a few close friends, and also found a few odd ones in there. It was interesting how much more we wrote letters back then as a community, prior to the age of the email, text messaging and social media that is.

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In fact in one letter from a friend, circa the late 1990's, mentioned something about getting an email address so that she could type instead of hand write the letter. Hahaha! :)

It really was a special treat walking down memory lane. I even found a few postcards from Dad, which always brings a smile, and then a tear along with it. He used to write to me quite a bit and I loved every single one of his letters and cards. I think that was something we both shared. The love and fondness of writing letters.

But this post is about something more that I discovered in that little box of treasured memories. I found two pieces of poetry written some time between the ages of 18 - 19, or perhaps earlier.

Back then, I was very shy and unsure about my writing. But I still wrote in private. Just for myself. I loved writing just for the sake of it. And I especially wrote poetry. It was my way of coping through the rough times. The sad thing is, I never quite valued my voice, or my writing, and so I didn't keep a lot of what I wrote. To find these two well preserved was quite the miracle.

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But what was even more surprising is just how foretelling they were. One piece was about the things that would happen over the next 20 years. And another of a wisdom that I can't believe could be present in a life so young. At first I chalked it off as "Oh, the wisdom was there, but the experience was not". Again, 20 years later I have ridiculed my younger self once again. But as I cast my memory back over the days that followed, I realised it was a wisdom that was very profound, which came from a very deep chasms in my life. The one thing that helped me through it, was poetry; and through that my communion with Divinity from which came wisdom that was beyond simple comprehension. It was comprehensible, for sure, but as I read it, appreciated it and drew from it - I received one layer of the message. Later, as I continue to read it however, I realise I draw from it at different levels and layers each time.

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The thing is, yes I have amassed a great deal more experience, understanding and wisdom in the ways of the world and stand a little more grounded in who I am. But it is not to say, that younger version didn't! We do this to ourselves so often. Not giving enough credit to our younger selves. There is wisdom in the young hearts, sometimes far greater than we are as adults. As adults we are far more quick to judge, put things in its place and send it to its rightful corner colouring a little shade of shame, ridicule and embarrassment in there. How much we internalise that critical voice, so much so that we become our worst parents to our own inner child. How can we change that inner dialogue till we change how we treat our younger self. And so today, I sat down and apologised to my younger self, for casting her aside so carelessly.

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See, she received a gift so special. And she unwrapped it and used it, but was so afraid to share it with the world. The one thing that remains true is that the gift that was given has not changed a single bit. The gift of being a scribe. To experience words, ideas, images, stories and wisdom from a source beyond. To have the blessed opportunity to capture them on a sheet of paper to the best of her ability. To have had the opportunity to sharpen the tools of the trade over the years despite having kept it locked away till just two years ago.

After all these years, I am just so grateful that this part of me is free to explore and express now! I especially appreciate the realisation that it was never about impressing the world, it was simply about living my truth authentically.

Sounds a little weird experiencing myself in the first and third person, but it is what it is. We are not always the experiencing our lives in the first person. For the most part, we are experiencing it in the third as we look back upon our thoughts and life choices. It is when we get too caught up in being the first person, that we lose sight of being connected to something far greater than a singular expression of life - that we are actually a beautiful COLLECTIVE expression of LIFE.

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Standing at snippets of each moment as we overlap each others, and similarly watching as we overlap over our own and meet ourselves at various points in this journey, seeing the different versions, watching the growth, perhaps even points when we've spiralled down - but all culminating as part of a larger arc.

Regardless of which point it is we peer in at, the truth remains we are both connected and yet different as we encounter ourselves. Same, yet different! Connected yet separate. Each encounter as unique as the version we evolve into.