How does a raccoon hold a neighborhood?#浣熊是怎么挟持街坊四邻的

"Have you ever had a raccoon? The destructive power of a raccoon can reach ten huskies. Zoe, who mistook the raccoon for a baby panda, and I said it with a cry.

Before immigrating to Canada, Zoe was poisoned by the silly and cute appearance of various instant noodles, and she thought that if she had a chance, she would have to keep a pet. So Zoe opened the door with enthusiasm when she saw a raccoon showing up at the door and holding out her front PAWS for food.

“你养过浣熊吗？一只浣熊的破坏力能抵上十只哈士奇。”把浣熊错认成小熊猫的Zoe和我说这句话的时候还带着哭腔。

移民加拿大以前，Zoe受到微博各种方便面君蠢萌可爱的样子荼毒，想着以后如果有机会一定要养只做宠物。所以当她看见一只浣熊出现在门口伸出前爪讨要食物时，Zoe热情大方地敞开了门。

Zoe didn't know the popular saying in the Chinese community, "the raccoon entered the house, the whole family cried, the raccoon came in, and the house went to the grave."

It was the worst decision she had ever made in her life, and every day since then, her life has been completely undone by raccoons.

Zoe once heard the voice of the valley in the middle of the night, thinking that went into the thief, a baseball bat of the conveniently grabbed the door into the kitchen to move, the results before seeing the raccoon like uncle sat on the sofa eating her almond sugar into the cupboard, the key is it see Zoe didn't get up.

Zoe那时候根本不知道在华人圈流行的那句俗语，“浣熊进屋，全家都哭，浣熊进门，house变坟。”

这是她这辈子做的最错误的决定了，从此之后的每一天，她的生活完全被浣熊操翻。

Zoe有次半夜听见翻箱倒柜的声音，以为进了贼，随手抄起门口的棒球棍战战兢兢地往厨房挪动，结果看到之前那只浣熊跟大爷一样坐在沙发上吃着她藏在柜子里的杏仁糖，关键是它看见Zoe丝毫没有起身的意思。

The raccoon has now taken the Zoe home as its own territory and is beginning to become as difficult as it is to steal a tide in a supermarket. With his little brother, he stole a carpet from the dog door and went back to the trash can to make his home.

那只浣熊现在已经把Zoe家看做是自己的领地，开始变得像在超市偷汰渍的尼哥一样难缠。带着小弟叠罗汉、从狗门偷条地毯回垃圾桶里安家置业。

After that, I decided that it was too much trouble to walk the door.

后来干脆觉得开门走路太麻烦，简单粗暴直接打洞把厨房给掀了。

As it turns out, Zoe is not a person, this kind of alien species that can cause a disaster, and she is reaping the pure love of the virgin Mary by pretending to be a victim of show MOE.

People who have been persecuted by raccoons in North America can circle the earth several times. Raccoons are notorious for their level of notoriety. The man who lives there opens the garbage can and discovers that a raccoon with green eyes is more likely than the drunkard who reaches for the money at the convenience store.

事实证明，Zoe不是一个人，这种可以引发灾难的外来物种，居然靠着伪装卖萌脱罪，收割着纯情少女泛滥的圣母心。

在北美受到浣熊迫害的人加起来可以绕地球好几圈。浣熊臭名昭著的程度早就和过街老鼠画上等号，人人喊打。生活在那里的人，打开垃圾桶发现一只眼冒绿光的浣熊概率比碰上便利店门口伸手要钱的醉汉还高。

They took advantage of the moonlight and used their powerful front PAWS in the trash can with their powerful front PAWS.

"My home has been completely overrun by raccoons. In the evening, the family will have the scissors and hammer, and the loser will take out the garbage.

他们趁着月色，像磕了药一样用有力的前爪在垃圾桶里疯狂hustle

“我的家外面已经完全被浣熊占领了。晚上的家庭例会剪子包袱锤，输了的出去倒垃圾。”

They are uniformly staring at you, eyes reveal a cold light let you walk at two o 'clock in the morning as if brooklyn slums, don't leave anything impossible to get out - you have to leave your AJ or unionpay card.

Raccoons have become the biggest street gangs in North America, relying on innocent faces with smoky eyes and aggressive personality.

The last second meekly eats the small nut you give, stage the warmth picture that the city person and the animal harmonious coexist, turn around can push the nose on the face, teach you these a few blocks who is the boss.

它们齐刷刷地盯着你看，眼神里透露出的寒光让你仿佛走在凌晨两点的布鲁克林贫民窟里，不留下点什么东西根本不可能脱身---你必须留下你的AJ或者银联卡。

浣熊依靠带着烟熏眼线的无辜面孔和好斗难缠的性格横行霸道，已经成为北美势利最大的街头匪帮。

上一秒还温顺地吃着你给的小坚果，上演城市人与动物和谐共处的温情画面，转身就可以蹬鼻子上脸，教训你这几个街区谁才是老大。

Meet the girl that likes to go up, don't ask the way origin, only talk about the front wind month.

碰到喜欢的妞就上，不问来路出身，只谈眼前风月。

"Hey, I hid a watermelon and three boxes of Fried chicken in the ventilation tube of the walmart store next to me. Would you like to take a look at my real leather crocodile?"

“嘿，我在旁边沃尔玛超市的通风管里藏了一个西瓜和三盒炸鸡，愿意坐我的真皮鳄鱼豪车去看看吗？”

In the evening, they were all washed out. They commit ACTS of cruelty, the hand of the live chickens, the raw cat cubs. In addition to bone and fur, viscera and meat are eaten, and not buried, it's very Mexican gangsta.

"One night, I heard the cat in my house wailing. When I found it in the yard, I found that it had a severe ear injury and an apparently horrible wound in my stomach. I saw the fierce cold of the raccoon in the grass, and I got goose bumps."

在晚上，它们个个都是浣尼拔。它们团体作案，手法残忍，手撕活鸡、生吃猫幼崽无恶不作。除了骨头皮毛，内脏和肉都会吃掉，还不会埋尸体，做法非常墨西哥gangsta。

"有一天夜里，我听到家里的猫在哀嚎。等我在院子里发现它时，发现它的耳朵受伤严重，肚子上有明显可怖的伤口。我看到草丛里浣熊凶狠的寒光，起了一身鸡皮疙瘩。"

As the dominant human being, you can only shake the dignity of a raccoon in the grass.

"When I lived in San Francisco, I was scared by the number of raccoons. It's big and big. I've heard raccoons are overrun in many places, and I'm afraid these guys will come to my pet one day.

作为社会主宰地位的人类，面对草丛里浣熊射出的凶狠寒光，你只能瞬间瑟瑟发抖尊严全无

“住在旧金山的时候就被浣熊数量给吓到了。个头超大，体型肥硕。我听说浣熊在很多地方已经泛滥成灾，真担心有一天这些家伙会来对付我的宠物。”

If you find a raccoon at home, you'll find a nest in the attic. "There was a time when there was a sound on the roof, and a scratch was one night. It turned out that there was a colony of raccoons in the attic, and the eaves were scratched, and the layers were filled with excrement and stench.

如果你在家里发现一只浣熊，那八成会在阁楼上发现一窝。“有段时间总感觉房顶上有声音，一挠就是一晚上。结果发现阁楼上有一群浣熊在安居乐业，房檐都挠烂了，隔层里面全是它们留下来的排泄物，臭气熏天。”

I finally found the reason why I couldn't turn on the TV.

Frustrated north American citizens are beginning to think hard about their plans to get back to the top of the human food chain.

Under the advice of friends, Zoe wants to use pepper to stimulate the raccoon family to leave. But as she slowly lifted the wooden door of the attic and shivered into the pepper spray, her hand was suddenly held by a few warm little hands. She was subjected to moral and conscience questions, reflecting on whether she was too inhuman, and then replaced the pepper with a biscuit.

我总算找到打不开电视机的原因了

不堪其扰的北美市民们开始绞尽脑汁地思考肃清计划，以扳回人类食物链顶端的尊严。

在朋友的建议下，Zoe想用胡椒粉刺激浣熊一家离开。但等她慢慢掀开阁楼的木门，哆嗦着往里喷胡椒粉时，她的手突然被几双温暖的小毛手给握住了。她受到了道德和良心的责问，反思自己是否太没有人性，随后把胡椒粉换成了小饼干。

But not everyone will be like Zoe's unprincipled tolerance, and dealing with raccoons should be tactful, and the violence can only hurt the enemy by a thousand.

In 2011, Toronto resident ruan dong's home was a disaster. Every day, he was in the backyard, basking in the sun, throwing a pool party, and his wife and children were too scared to go out. He could not bear to interrupt a raccoon's leg with a stick, and was arrested by a neighbour for reporting it.

但不是每个人都会像Zoe无原则的容忍，对付浣熊要讲究策略方法，暴力应对只能损敌一千自伤八百。

2011年，多伦多的市民阮东家里浣熊成灾，天天在后院肆无忌惮地晒太阳、开泳池大party，自己的老婆孩子都吓到不敢出门。他忍无可忍用木棍打断了一只浣熊的腿，结果被邻居举报遭到警方逮捕。

阮东的官司打了两年，他最终被判赔偿前腿骨折的浣熊医疗费1365加元，还要完成100个小时的动物议会避难所的义工服务。

另一个倒霉催的马基斯好不容易把浣熊逮住放在笼子里两周，结果被人发现控告他“导致一头动物蒙受痛苦”，罪名成立，被罚款1000加元，终身禁用诱捕笼，坚守行为两年。

加拿大法律上要求得把浣熊一家人集齐才能放生，保证原生家庭的稳定幸福。抓不全的只能自认倒霉。

The more reliable method is to invite professional capture teams. If you set traps in the yard or confuse them with sleeping pills, the whole family will be put in a cage and moved to the border, which costs about $200 in the United States.

But if they have been in the attic, then clean up very trouble, not only to remove all the raccoon family, their feces, urine and food also wants to clean, such as the smell of feces will attract cockroaches and new raccoon, also may lead to various diseases. That will double the price.

比较靠谱的方法是请专业抓捕队。要是在院子里设置陷阱或者把安眠药混在猫罐头里迷晕它们，全家一起放入铁笼、移送边疆，在美国大概需要花费200美金。

但如果它们已经入住阁楼，那清理起来很麻烦，不光要把浣熊家族全部移除，它们的粪便、尿液和食物等也都要清理干净，排泄物的气味会吸引蟑螂和新的浣熊，还可能带来各类疾病。这样价格就要翻番。

He ford raccoon catch in Memphis team work for three years, he said the people who find him in addition to the raccoon more than people in addition to the mouse, "raccoons, skunks, bugs and New Orleans would have is the heart of the pests."

Capture team also has a shady, is said to have "Miami catch a raccoon in Hollywood, the Hollywood caught in fort lauderdale, fort lauderdale again into the Miami", later found that a state of raccoons have relation, to form the perfect business closed loop, guarantee the bonanza.

If you don't want to be in a hole, consider hiring a more professional person, such as a cook.

The American state of Arkansas is known for its traditional dishes, roasted raccoons. Politicians believe that eating raccoons will bring them good luck in the election. Keep the game in the home, hand in hand, can be directly under the pan.

施泰因福特在孟菲斯的浣熊抓捕队工作了3年，他说找他除浣熊的人比除老鼠的人还要多，“浣熊，臭鼬、臭虫和黄蜂早就是美国人心中的四害了。”

据说抓捕队也有黑幕，“迈阿密抓的浣熊放到好莱坞，好莱坞抓的放到劳德代尔堡，劳德代尔堡的再放到迈阿密”，后来发现那一个州的浣熊都有亲戚关系，形成了完美的生意闭环，保证财源滚滚。

如果不想被坑，就得考虑请更专业的人士来处理，比如说厨子。

美国的阿肯色州有道人尽皆知的传统菜，烤浣熊大餐。政客们相信吃浣熊能带给他们参加选举的好运气。家中养着野味，手到擒来，可以直接下锅。

Before his election, President Clinton went to the town of Gillette for "raccoon dinner."

The "raccoon dinner", which takes place in the second week of the year, is almost a white revelry, and they are undeclared about the raccoon, the black race. Every white middle class in the middle of a big meal is on the dining table with the illusion that they are exercising the Klan's revenge justice.

Raccoons run through the city's various bins, known as "trash panda". In the eyes of many white people, they are dirty, combative, and used to stealing things, and in keeping with the stereotype of black people.

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It's like people think that black people who drive luxury cars must be drug dealers.

Almost all of them have a black accent, some of them are villains, some are heroes, but they all have one thing in common, and that's a bad deal.

克林顿总统在当选前，曾到小镇吉莱特参加“浣熊晚餐”。

这场在每年的第二个星期举行的“浣熊晚餐”几乎是一场白人的狂欢，他们对于“浣熊”即黑人的种族暗喻心照不宣。每一个大快朵颐的白人中产阶级都在餐桌上幻象自己在行使3K党的复仇正义。

浣熊流窜于城市里的各类垃圾桶，被称为“trash panda”（垃圾熊猫）。在很多白人眼里，它们肮脏、好斗、习惯偷东西，和对黑人的刻板印象不谋而合。

It's like people think that black people who drive luxury cars must be drug dealers.

Almost all of them have a black accent, some of them are villains, some are heroes, but they all have one thing in common, and that's a bad deal.

就像人们觉得开豪车的黑人就一定是毒贩子

几乎所有动画片里的浣熊配音都多少带着些黑人腔调，它们有的是反派，有的是英雄，但都有一个共同点，那就是不好对付。

The rocket in guardians of the galaxy is a raccoon image, with a high IQ, a strong combat capability and a love of destruction.

《银河护卫队》里的火箭是浣熊形象，高智商，战斗力强，爱搞破坏。

The raccoon in "Brickleberry" let the dog help him, and he was not afraid of it.

Zoe's family has been turned upside down by the gang, and she has to pay c $600 for a professional capture team to clean them up. She went to a raccoon dinner in Arkansas early this year and nibbled three legs.

There was a Chinese girl who had been traveling to the table, who had been complaining about how cute the raccoon was and how to eat the raccoon. She says the domestic raccoon is now selling well, and there are 17, 000 not yet mailed. If it were not for your price, she would have wanted to buy a raccoon at home so that she could wash her clothes and brush her shoes.

《脆莓公园》里的浣熊上来就让狗帮他口，天不怕地不怕。

Zoe家里终究被这帮匪徒搞得天翻地覆，她不得不花600加元请专业抓捕队彻底清除它们。为了泻火，年初她去阿肯色州的浣熊晚餐，足足啃了三条腿。

席间有个来旅行的中国姑娘一直下不去嘴，抱怨说浣熊那么可爱，怎么可以吃浣熊。她说现在国内浣熊卖得火，一万七一只还不包邮。要不是因为贵，她早就想买只浣熊放在家，好让它帮忙洗衣服刷鞋子。

But she didn't know that raccoons would wash the cookies with their urine.

Zoe, after listening to the rape of the Tibetan mastiff, did not mention that it is low in IQ, and is mad to even bite. When you saute macaques, you don't want to be close to your fangs when you grow up. When you fire a hedgehog, you don't say that it's often incontinence to carry a parasite.

But thinking that raising a raccoon is the same as the person who saves the washing machine sounds as silly as the person who expects the fly to catch a mosquito. Zoe can't help telling the girl, "how about I give you one?"

但她根本不知道，浣熊会拿自己的尿来洗饼干

Zoe听后深知奸商害人，炒藏獒的时候不提它本来智商就低，发起疯来连自己都咬；炒猕猴的时候不说长大以后獠牙长得你都不敢靠近；炒刺猬的时候也不说它常常大小便失禁携带寄生虫的事儿。

但以为养只浣熊就等于省了洗衣机的人听起来和指望捕蝇草抓蚊子的人一样傻逼，Zoe忍不住跟那个姑娘说，这么喜欢，不如我送你一只？