Deep Reflections

My emotions are unstable currently. A lot is and has been happening. This year is balancing out the good and the bad on my end. It is gratifying and depressing at the same time but I guess that's what life is, right?

The Good...

For the first time in a really long time, I am not always worried about where my next meal will come from. I have had it quite rough for a couple of years though I only knew stability when my mum was alive. After that, I got myself married to a handsome pauper and was introduced to 'from hand to mouth' mode of survival. Trust me, people are having it worse than you and me out here.

Steemit, of course, has contributed to this newfound peace of mind.

I am sitting for my exams this year after going back to school after almost two decades. It is elevating and empowering in ways I can't still express. It's like gifting my soul with something it's been yearning for years. It also comes with loads of admiring eyes especially from people who wish or think about going back to school; they think I am 'inspiring'.

This year I have also figured out things I never knew about myself. I have explored 'me' more than I ever have in my thirty-four years of being young. Age really does things to you. My anger is dwindling and the amazing part is I can feel happy so I know. I feel lighter, more beautiful as cliche as that sounds.

The universe has also enabled me to forge a beautiful relationship with two souls I never thought will ever reach out to me, leave alone forgiving me and accepting me back. Oddly, they somehow understand my reasons for leaving. For staying away. For sacrificing dearly to be where we are now. It is not perfect but it is working and that to me is everything right now.

The Bad...

Health. My health has been all over... :( Body out here religiously experimenting on Malaria and Typhoid. Migraines have also been on me constantly. I have been overwhelmed of late. I want to do something here, be in school, read a few books, be a mother and still make something for myself is quite the challenge. Throw in some overthinking traits and stomach ulcers that never really go away.

Last Month I was sick for over two weeks. Health is everything, my amigos.

Next, let's add annoying relatives as 'the bad' because most of them truly are . Not that I can paint those here but if you are an orphan who loves their grandpa with everything and some of his children and their children have issues with you and your siblings, you can relate. My extended family is scandalous than the scandal itself, lol!

Africa operates on the extended, extended family level. You can NEVER seem to avoid the annoying relatives and most of them are.

Add that to that I am literally confused and disappointed that people who have seen me struggle my way up now wish to have me on my way down. Fast. Why would anyone be bothered by these micro efforts I am making yet I have been inactive for years. What is wrong with me getting something for myself? Why would anyone wish me back where I have been. I wonder.

It would be inhumane if anyone asked me... I have been to HELL.

(Me, enjoying a beautiful view. I meditate better like this :)

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