Early Retirement (Almost)

Last December I was offered a severance package and my separation from the corporate world began on April 1st of 2016. The package allows me nine months to reinvent myself before the coffers run dry. I turned 56 in April and I will need to continue earning a living for another nine or ten years at a minimum.

I thought I would share some of my experience as I delve into this new world of living in transition. The first week I found myself keeping very busy at home as though I was trying to prove my worth, while my wife was off at her office earning a living. By Thursday of that week I was feeling a little guilty and I caught myself. I accepted then that I had earned this break from work, I had languished in a cubicle for 17 years, and now I was being compensated for it; I wasn't loafing. No one forced me to stay in that position all those years, but the mortgage and other responsibilities always convinced me not to bail and run off to an island.

One other thing that quickly became apparent during that first week was that I was going to need a couple of months to clear the cobwebs and decompress from the corporate grind. I decided right then to take the months of April and May off for a respite. That decision allowed me to exhale and I felt better just knowing that I had time to just be and perhaps even discover what I might like to do next.

During the next seven or eight weeks my emotions seemed to be different every day. Some days running away seemed like a very viable option, but fear is a persistent traveller, always along for the ride, so I would let go of that idea and move forward with the day. I practiced a lot of yoga those first two months, making a class almost every day. That seemed to be the one thing I could count on to keep me grounded. Towards the end of May I started getting a little itch to look online for work, but I reminded myself that I had two months to do anything I wanted except work.

Early in May I had considered trying to teach yoga, I completed my training three years ago, but when I looked at the numbers I didn't see how I could make it work. One evening at the end of that month I was at the studio where I practice and the teacher was not there. There was some kind of mix up and no substitute had been scheduled. I volunteered to lead the class so they wouldn't have to cancel it.

The owner called me that night to thank me and offered me the opportunity to get on the sub list to teach classes in the future. I was not expecting to hear that news at all, in fact I was stunned. I asked if I could think about it; fear had kicked in knowing that the abilities of my teachers far exceed what I could offer. But I didn't want fear to run my life either, so the next day I told the owner I would accept his offer but that I would like to get some experience at some other places first (primarily gyms). He agreed that was a good idea.

So my heart said yes to teaching earlier in the month, my brain said no and the Divine presence said I think you should do this. So I didn't really decide to teach yoga, rather it chose me.

I was hired by a national fitness company to teach. I started three weeks ago and I have been easing my way into it. I taught for a five months a couple of years ago, but teaching still feels brand new to me. I'm learning as I go and I know if I stick with it, I will become a good teacher.

The other thing that is keeping me busy is volunteering at the studio where I practice. They needed help at the desk checking people in for classes and that kind of thing, and I’m compensated with free classes, which I appreciate. Learning the software for checking people in will also be helpful when the time comes to sub there. Usually there is someone at the desk but at times the teacher takes on that responsibility as well.

While April and May were months for me to unwind and to give myself time to let the path unfold, June became the month of feeling anxious. Even though it was only volunteering, learning everything I needed to know to run the front desk kind of rattled me (perhaps that's my nature). And then interviewing, auditioning and starting to teach with the gym was also a little nerve racking. Teaching has been a mix of pleasure and nerves. I'm getting more comfortable as I teach more classes.

I skimmed through my journal yesterday starting back to April 1st, my first day of retirement. There are a lot of positives in the entries, but one common theme I noticed was that I haven't been sleeping very well for the past three months. Reading that surprised me; it bothered me a little. I thought I was in a better frame of mind than that. Self-awareness can be illusive. There has been a lot of internal shifting, settling and more shifting going on in me. Growing pains, I imagine. I'm still concerned about earning a living because I know I haven't really retired. I decided I would focus on teaching for the next two months and wait until September to see where I'm at and what steps I may need to take next. I know there is a power greater than me in charge guiding me. I'm keeping an open mind and following the path that has been laid out in front of me. I really don't want to go back to the corporate world, but if I find that I need to in order to cover my bills then I trust the right opportunity will present itself. I believe more will be revealed and I'll know which direction to head when the time comes.

If you find yourself in the same position, I wanted to let you know you are not alone. When I first learned of my severance package offer and was soliciting advice, one friend offered, “Life is either one drudgery after another to be endured, or it is an adventure. What is my choice to be?” For a guy who was able to ride out his days in a cubicle even though the work was unsatisfying, the question posed has its challenges. Fear often wants to convince me that I’m already licked, so I continue to dismiss that thought and walk through the fear. I do wish to enjoy this adventure and there are many people who have been put in my path who are willing to help. All I have to do is ask for help when it’s needed and to accept help when it’s offered. When I am open to this view of life, I am amazed at how beautiful this life is, and in return I am able to repay the debt by being helpful, loving, and kind to those who I meet everyday.