“What time are you coming back?”
“Will you be back for dinner?”
“Please tell us what time you'll be back.”

As a young adult who prefers friends over family would definitely find these sentences above like a threat, a block way, or an invisible time bomb is ticking it’s way to end up your favorable day with your friend.

I did not like to answer these questions that was asked by my parents. I perceive it as they are measuring my trust issues between them. As far as know, I am capable to take care of myself, I know who my friends are and I can assure myself that they will not cheat me in any ways. What more to feel suspicious about? Doesn’t my parents trust me on this?

They said it was all done it with Love.

How can it be love when I felt it like a heavy burden. I did not understand their feelings. I just wanted to spend more of my time with my friends. You could say that I took family time for granted, because I can have it anytime. My parents are always at home 24/7 securing the house safety like a loyal guard, waiting for their princess to be back home safely.
Now, everything changed because I finally understand what they felt.

Insecurities.

My partner and I actually planned that we could spend some quality days together when we could meet up. Due to my inflexibility of changes in plan, I always prefer to pre-plan our dates together so I could inform my parents that I am away from home.

The day has come. Instead of being joyful that finally we could meet up, one text message hit me so hard that it kills all my excitement :-

“Could I just meet you in the afternoon? I might have other plans at night”

We discussed it was a full-time basis of companionship, I did not sign up for a part time afternoon session. Of course, I insisted to fight back my rights but the soft side of me tend to consume so much of my mind, telling me that just let him go for his “plans”. Smart me, I did it with condition -- “I will let you go if you leave your laptop for me to blog.” This way, I could be productive and won’t be begging his presence.

He left with joy, I was left with his laptop.

Time really does have good stamina, it passes so fast. None of my senses was tingling to realize that I was being left alone, I enjoyed the moment of being myself with drafts for upcoming posts. I could understand the joy of having work, to distract one from despair.

It's bedtime. The night was cold. I was alone in bed trying to force myself to sleep. The best method is to suffocate yourself. I mean, blindfold yourself. The darker the better. I manage to fall asleep with high amount of insecurities filled inside my rib-cage. Bad dreams and insecurities in my mind woke me up few times to check whether is he back from his “plans” yet. It was truly a heartbreak to know that he isn’t back yet and no text
messages from him too.

If my sleep was sweet and sound, I may not understand what my parents felt when I was a rebel. If my dreams weren’t alarming, I may not be able to let my consciousness to take over me. I would be crying till the next day comes.

Now,

He is still not back yet. Let's assume that he took drugs for fake death and the effect haven’t worn out yet. Hence, the title, A little Death. I learnt about where do I sit in his priorities and where does he stands in mine during that day.

Besides,

I get a taste what my both parents felt. They were (and always will be) concern with my timing because of love and a sense of security. However, there will still be times where we all need to learn to keep ourselves busy to avoid being caught up in our pile of emotional clouds. Since then, I never missed out any of my dinner with my family because I felt in love with the taste of home -- Home cooked dinner.

“I will be back for dinner, no worries.”

---

Shoutout Section

Travel and Lifestyle Blog
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