Children of Sol - new writing - Prequel

in #writing6 years ago

Children of Sol was a story I started a few years ago and something happened to give me pause in the writing of it. The other vampire story today has rekindled this one and I've added a good portion to it.

I wasn't entirely happy with the story I shared, so I sat down to write something else. This will be the start. Let me know what you think please.


“There’s no such thing as vampires!” he said. “They’re a myth, a story. A children’s story at that!”

The way he emphasised his staunch belief that only children and naïve, or simple souls would believe in such a thing made his companion think maybe he had an inner nagging voice telling him he was wrong.

“Are you sure about that, Paul?” she said.

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He looked at her. Not in the way a teenage boy would look at a hot teenage chick - and he had to admit, Angelica (Jelly for short for as long as he’d known her) was growing up really hot. Paul looked at Angelica like she had tried to persuade him a certain wizarding school had sent a letter by owl-mail to tell her she’d been accepted as a late entry student.

He snapped out of his contemplation. Her question, the way she asked it had a ring to it that made him wonder.

“Why? What do you know about it?” he said. He regarded her with deep suspicion. She always pulled stunts and tricks on him. He put up with looking the fool because Jelly would give him a sideways grin as though it was all in good humour. He put up with her making fun of him because she kicked anyone else’s arse if they picked on him. She tolerated no one else taking the piss out of him.

“Come on, I’ve found something that might make you change your mind,” she said and jogged off up the lane.

“Jelly! Don’t go up the lane!” he called after her. “You know I hate going past the church.” He said the last in a quiet voice as though he didn’t want anyone – especially Jelly – to hear his confession.

“Come on, Pissy,” she called. “It’s a-fucking-mazing!”

“Don’t call me Pissy,” he said. “Don’t fucking call me Pissy! I’ve fucking told you!” He followed her up the lane, stomping as much as he could without looking like a spoiled child.

She turned a corner and went out of sight before he caught her up.

She sprang out into the open, hands up like claws, just as he reached the tree she hid behind. “Rawr!” she yelled, imitating a big cat’s growl. “That’s why I call you Pissy,” she said.

“I pissed myself ONCE!” he said, knocking her claws away from his face.

“Yeah, but I won’t let anyone else call you that. You’re my Pissy, no one else’s.”

She grabbed his sleeve at the wrist and dragged him hard, almost hard enough to pull him off balance.

He stumbled along after her, through tussocks of long grass and patches of bare soil.

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This is more in keeping with your grab and hold the reader style. A lot of interplay and background on these two, and their strength and weaknesses, and where their relationship is at the moment and may go, so now we wait to see Angelica's answer to the question.

I see this as a much better beginning few pages.

This is more in keeping with your grab and hold the reader style.

Wow! Thank you!

You said it much better than I could - I feel the same way. :)

I like how she puts just enough out, to keep a person guessing. Enough to know that the characters is not fully fleshed out and have room to grow with the story. One of the things I liked about "Ash and the Favour Man" all of them were growing with the story right up to, and beyond the end.

Thank you! Such compliments!

Yes but the first one was, well not so nice from last week. I just liked this one a whole whole lot more.

Thank you :)

This is a small but pleasant portion. If this is the beginning, then this is a good start. For the prequel, this is not a bad thing. It seemed to me short :)

It's not the whole thing, I'll possibly share that at some point. Thank you, I'm pleased you like it.

You know I am begging for more, Michelle! You are teasing us mercilessly! lol

Thank you so much! That's a wonderful compliment.

It is a nice start. Intriguing! I don't know why I think a little bit about Stephen King when I read it. The style quite sounds like that a bit.

Hoping you follow the story. I am sure it would be great!

I don't know why I think a little bit about Stephen King when I read it.

Compliments all over the place this evening! Thank you!

Very nice write up
I love vampire movies a lot would be anticipating your book

Thank you! I'll be sure to let you know when/if it gets published.

The whole story of vampires are still myths.

Seriously? I write fiction. Basically EVERYTHING I write is made up. That's what fiction is. What's the hang-up with vampires? I also write about werewolves, teenaged half-demons, witches, ghosts, BEKs and other supernatural shit.

It's cool though, keep up the great job.

Well it has my curiosity up...wonder what it is she wants him to see?...why is he scared of the church?....there is an odd relationship here she is possessive and he is either dependent or a masochist.

upvoted and resteemed.

Thank you. I'm pleased you like it so far :)

I've missed your blog m'am.

I was sick with typhoid. Thankfully, I'm back and ready to prey!.

I couldn't quite make meaning of this sentence

Paul looked at Angelica like she had tried to persuade him a certain wizarding school had sent a letter by owl-mail to tell her she’d been accepted as a late entry student.

You would have to read the Harry Potter books to understand this .... it's a reference to them.

I've read the Harry potter books. The sentence doesn't just make sense to me.

Just re-read this line

Paul looked at Angelica like she had tried to persuade him a certain wizarding school

The wizarding school is Hogwarts.

I didn't mention it by name in the story because it's not mine, it belongs to JK Rowling.

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