FORGIVE AND FREE YOURSELF @mariaentela

Hello steemians,

It's been awhile since I have done a full writing post. Because of my busy schedule through training with my sister and my job, I hadn't find the time to write to my heart's content. Today was one of my rare days off, so I decided to sit down and let my pen on fire.


As you might have already understood, I love letting my thoughts and feelings traveling underneath, but as deep as I am sure I will be able to surface, if have to. So I was thinking about that wonderful feeling, called 'forgiveness'. That greatness this feeling holds and how it is described as one of the most redeeming, but at the same time the most difficult feelings we are able to feel in our lives. As I wonder what 'forgiveness' is, I get lost in my search for the answer.

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Fortunately, here comes Wikipedia to my rescue, with what I think as the most suitable definition :

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"Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, let go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well. Forgiveness is different from condoning (failing to see the action as wrong and in need of forgiveness), excusing (not holding the offender as responsible for the action), forgetting (removing awareness of the offense from consciousness), pardoning (granted for an acknowledged offense by a representative of society, such as a judge), and reconciliation (restoration of a relationship)".


Reading this definition I tried to put this meaning into two mini categories and this wasn't such an easy task. First of all, let me talk about the first mini category which I think as 'forgiveness with exchange'. It is the kind of forgiveness that is needed in balancing or fixing a relationship that has failed due to a mistake someone has made. In this case, an agreement is stabilized through a series of conditions (punishments, favors or payments). Usually the motto of those who forgive others in this manner is "an eye for an eye".


The negative side of this mini category consists in the fact that it is rather an exchange than a sincere forgiveness and that it isn't completely up to you. As a result the other part must have realized the mistake he/she made, as well as the damage it has caused you and must have regretted of doing it.

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Consequently the base of this category is the feeling of guilt and if the other person does not feel guilty, it means there is no room for forgiveness. Therefore, we should look at the dangerous combination created by the pros and the cons of this 'exchange'.

1. It makes you feel THE BOSS, while in reality it's only a false bubble that makes you seem to have total control over the other part (the one that has done the mistake).
2. It makes you be hard on someone, while this is the last thing you should be avoiding.
   
   
   As we can see by the advantages and disadvantages, in the end this 'forgiveness with exchange' is a double edged sword, as the only thing you would have obtained by it is to have hurt yourself throughout its process. The negative feelings will soon appear in the picture again and you might end up doing the same mistakes that you were asked to forgive others for. What's the sense in that?
   
   
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   Secondly, I would like to mention the second mini category, that of the 'real forgiveness'. It is completely your choice, when you put your heart as a priority and decide to forgive someone for real. No exchanges, no punishments, no conditions, only you are the protagonist of this process and the main substance of your forgiveness is the freedom and no way the revenge.
   
   
   Unlike the 'forgiveness with exchange', the answer to the 'real forgiveness' is always thankfulness, appreciation, indebtedness and recognition. When you forgive wanting nothing in exchange you never let the sad feelings surface again, you free your consciousness and increase your happiness, without hurting or being hurt. See? It's a win-win situation.
   
   
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   On the other hand, the problem here is the high level of difficulty that results in forgiving someone for real, defying the pain his/her wrongdoings has caused you. In fact, it isn't even necessary for the other part to say "I'm sorry" or to have regretted his/her wrongdoing. Real forgiveness is completely your choice and it isn't affected by any external factors. On the contrary, it is more of an internal issue without any negative or guilty feelings.
   
   
   Some people will disagree with you. They will tell you this is all wrong and that it will make you look weak and vulnerable. But do you know something? It all depends on what you want. If you want revenge, then go ahead with the first category, but if you want to be in peace with yourself first and then with others, then you have to support the 'real forgiveness'. Nowadays, the best psychologists in the world are aware of the importance the forgiveness holds and that it is directly related to your happiness as a human being.
   
   
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   With this in mind, it is important to realize that the human soul is incapable of feeling two opposite feelings at the same time. So you can't hate and love someone in the exact same moment. That's why when the human soul is hurt, the protective mechanism display itself as negative feelings, depriving you any happiness and forgiving. Not to mention the fear coupled with the thought that if someone has hurt you once they will do it again. At the same time you believe that all this situation is extremely unfair do you. There is a huge difference between 'fair' and 'revenge', but in the state of vulnerability we might find ourselves in, it is almost impossible for us to see that difference.
   
   
   All things considered, there is one conclusion in the long run. We all can learn how to love through forgiveness. And on the whole that is the most important part of this immense feeling that is called forgiveness. It may take you one day, several months or even years to come to terms with it, but it will surely change your point of view in life and put you at ease with yourself and the others surrounding you.
   
   
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   Source :
   
   
   Wikipedia: Forgiveness
   Psychologytoday : Fake vs. True Forgiveness
   Psychologytoday : Forgiveness
   Activechristianity: 17 verses that show the amazing power of forgiveness
   
   
   THANK YOU VERY MUCH READING
   AND ALWAYS THINK POSITIVE !
   
   
   Old posts by me:

FINDING HAPPINESS @mariaentela
THE MIRACLE OF THE FOOTPRINTS OF THE VIRGIN MARY @mariaentela
THE TURNING POINT @mariaentela

And some friend's posts I found interesting

Boccia World Open Championship 2015 by @annadeda.
Camera Obscura - The first camera by @otsouvalas
A Walk in the Dark Side - original photography & writing by @mariandavp