Radical Revisions — Fun with Queries and Main Character Makeover
Want to help me figure out my character’s new name?
I’m continuing the process of rewriting my novel, FALLING THROUGH THE WEAVING, the first of a time-travel sci-fi/fantasy romance series.
I have four books written for this series thus far, but all of them need varying degrees of edits, so I'm doing Radical Revisions, meaning A LOT will get cut and tons written from scratch.
I’m sharing some of my revision process in blog form, which serves the purpose of outlining and getting my ideas organized. I’m not always great at planning, usually more of a pantser, but I think this edit calls for some forethought.
Sharing this writing process on Steemit is fun for me, giving me a way to keep blogging here and also get back to my novels. I am open to suggestions, especially from writers and readers of romance and sci-fi/fantasy, and welcome feedback in the comments.
Writers, is there #amediting tag on Steemit, or should I start one called #radicalrevisions?
Main character makeover.
I’m taking a character who was timid and felt controlled by destiny, and strengthening her drive to control her own fate.
Before my MC started off more timid and helpless, now I’m giving her attitude and agency. It is an adult fiction, not YA, so I need to make that more apparent in the opening, I think.
I'm also taking a plot that has elements that have been done before (time-travel) and attempting to give it a twist by making the MC someone who has been falling through time her whole life, rather than the book starting with the first time-jump.
Now she's a bit jaded, less naïve.
She has an intuitive ability with music and instruments, an affinity with dragons, and she's the daughter of a goddess... she just doesn't know it yet.
photo: NASA/JPL
What’s her name, anyway?
Her name was Alora Brighton. But, did you know, there’s another Alora time travel series out there? Of course there is. It’s young adult, I think, and I’d written this story before seeing it, but maybe she should have a fresh name with her makeover.
Some ideas:
Jasperine (Jasper for short)
Raine
Arainne
Sasje or Sasja or Sasjae
The last one reminds me of the word Gypsy, which makes sense.
Hmmm… Let’s call her MC for now.
The new beginning starts with MC fed up with being transported to another time and place without warning, so she goes after the World Tree herself, facing the unexplained time travel head on. This is the turning point in her life, because she’s attempting to take control.
In the previous version of the story, she was engaged and had to get over the loss of this man she loved in order to make room for another romance, which is a little too Outlander, given that she finds herself in Scotland in the first jump.
With the MC makeover, she becomes someone who doesn’t feel like she can love, considering she’ll just fall through time again and leave them behind. So she’s hardened to the past and the future. Part of her journey will be allowing herself to love and trust.
All this will increase conflict and add interest to a trope that has been overdone in fiction — the innocent maiden who falls through time and finds a man to save her. In keeping with my own evolution and the feminist movement in general, I’d rather have her save herself, at least in part.
Rewriting the query. Again.
Ah, queries. For anyone unfamiliar with the term, this is basically the back cover description of the book, but the intended audience is a literary agent or publisher willing to help an author get traditionally published.
Writing a query is a deliciously torturous process of condensing a story into a hook and barely enough info to entice an agent to read the first few pages and request a manuscript.
I queried this particular book in many versions to at least fifty agents over the course of a year, then realized the story wasn't ready and put it to the side. It was an excellent learning experience, giving me a crash course in agent research and the inevitable rejections that come with being in the query trenches.
I’ve since queried three other books, with varying degrees of unsuccess, but every step of my writing journey has helped me grow as an author, self-publisher, and someone who still wants a traditional publishing deal at some point. Or not. Whatever.
I’m writing, and sometimes people read my stories. I’m happy.
Anyway, I’ve rewritten my query ahead of this rewrite for FALLING. Sometimes writing the query and synopsis first can help bring clarity to drafting and revision.
I strongly dislike writing synopsis, so I’ll just do a new query. Let me know what you think.
The Old Query
A musician of rare talent who hears the voice of the Goddess, Alora Brighton is a World-Weaver—she just doesn’t know it yet. With fate controlling her travels through the World Tree, Alora survives the dangers and losses that come, crossing the threshold into motherhood and discovering a love that binds her to three men of the same soul.
An adventure with archetypal settings (Scotland Highlands, Wild West Wyoming, Viking Norway), FALLING THROUGH THE WEAVING sees Alora wield lightening, befriend dragons, and travel to the Realm of the Gods. Through her struggles, Alora reluctantly grows into the role of Weaver while seeking to free herself from the power that threatens to rip her away from everything she loves.
The New Query
Born through the World Tree, Alora has been dealing with trust issues and space-time wormholes her whole life. Now, sick of being ripped away without warning, she decides to face time on her own terms, and see if she can figure out its tricks.
Having only ever jumped forward, Alora finds the rules have changed when she sings herself through the Tree and ends up centuries back in a version of Scotland that doesn’t line up with the history books she’s read. She’s landed in a parallel universe where magic and love prove as fierce a pull as the warped ways of time, and she’ll have to give in to all three in order to survive.
This is the first book in an epic sci-fi/fantasy saga that weaves historical romance with reinvented mythology and a hint of rave culture.
(Edited and updated with feedback applied from @warpedpoetic's comment below.)
What do you think?
If you have any query feedback, I’d be happy to hear it! This new version is a first draft, so I’m sure it will have a ton of incarnations before I throw myself into the query trenches again.
Please do vote on the name you like best, or offer up another if you have one! Here are my latest ideas again:
Jasperine (Jasper for short)
Raine
Arainne
Sasje (or Sasjae)
Shelta-Rayne (suggested by @enginewitty)
If you missed the makeover of the opening paragraphs of the story, you can find them here.
Thanks for reading!
Peace. @katrina-ariel
All writing © Katrina Ariel — All photos mine unless otherwise credited.
Author bio: Katrina Ariel is an old-soul rebel, musician, tree-hugging yogini, and mama bear to twins. Author of Yoga for Dragon Riders (non-fiction) and Wild Horse Heart (romance), she's another free-spirit swimming in the ocean of Steemit.
dragon art: Liiga Smilshkalne
Banner by @PegasusPhysics
Banner by @bearone
Nice badge! I love it! Also, thank you. The Curie love is sooooooo appreciated. 💖💖💖
Hello @katrina-ariel, I like the last name, Sasje. For me, it has an exotic feel and it tells me that the person who bears the name is beautiful and has fire within her. Yeah quite gypsy. Is the character a redhead?
If she is timid though, is there a back story as to why she is timid? From the description so far, the story seem to be a journey of self discovery; the MC is discovering herself, understanding more about the powers within her and it's limits, as well as learning about the world she lives in at any given time warp. 😂 (really wanted to use the word warp).
For the query, I have never done one before. I am still unpublished though I will be published. I like this one though,
What I feel should be changed are these;
The use of 'World tree' suggest that the agent already knows what it is. Is there a book on World tree and if there is, is it the same as yours. If not, it should be removed. It could be something like;
"Sasje's ability to jump through time unconsciously, has ruled her life for as long as she could remember. Tired of losing out of love, fearing what she would become and where she would find herself, she sets on a journey to face the World tree, the source of her powers."
The second part where you said she sang herself into a parallel universe could be wove. You have said she is a world weaver? Does she make her power work by singing? This particular part has some similarities to Elizabeth Haydon's symphony of the ages. I don't know if you have read it. The lead character uses music too and she also sings to a tree. So maybe, you need to work on what she does for her magic to work.
This part needs some fine-tuning also but I can't say exactly why;
I don't know if it is the phrase 'that doesn't line up...' something is off there.
I have never done this before and I don't know if I made any sense to you. 😂 Well there goes nothing. Peace.
Awesome word, "warp." And I haven't used it yet in the story I don't think. hmmmm.
Your suggestions are excellent to keep in mind as I continue to work on the query. As for her being timid, that was the old version of the story. This new makeover makes her a lot more bold, even if she's scared inside sometimes.
As for the name, I'm leaning towards Sasje as well. Thanks for the vote of confidence. ;) She's not a redhead. Sandy hair and sage-green eyes.
And I have not read Haydon's Symphony of the Ages. I'll go look that up. Thank you very much for the thoughtful critique! 💖
You are welcome. I am glad you found something useful in it.
Oh... I like green eyes. She has fire in her then.
A bold version is better I think, if she is the one who is going to save herself.
Shelta-Rayne:
secret language - queen/might/song so ...
she is the powerful secret song = Shelta-Rayne
Wow! I find this really interesting... Shelta being the secret language Gypsies used in Ireland and the UK? Just looked it up. You put some thought into this, didn't you? 💖 How many languages do you know, out of curiosity?
Yes, very good :) I put some thought into it. I don't speak as many as I read. But in order of fluency... American, Body, Bad English, English, Nubonics, Spanglish, Spanish, German, Ojibwe, and French. I do however, have a strange interest in cultures and religions.
lol! You're cracking me up here. Those are some diverse dialects! ;) I understand bits and pieces of lots of languages, and also have varied interests in cultures and philosophies. Thanks for this suggestion. It's got my wheels spinning... 💖
Anytime :)
I can't travel through time, but aomehow I can totally relate to that!
I'm not good with inventing names,I always use one of my friends name.. Hey I guess you can do that too, with thousands of real and fake names from different languages here in steemit..just a thought
Sasje sounds like a catchy name ;)
Ah and you just found yourself a buyer :D tell me when the book is out I would definately love to read it. Not just because I love you, but because it sounds fantastic.
^^ How to make an author adore you: tell them you relate to their character and that you want to buy their book. 💖
haha I swear I didn't know about this "technique" before
I might take advantage of it in the future though loool
I'm with Oskilo and Hazem, definitely "Sasje". Exotic and interesting... the others all to at least some degree have that familiar ring of names you'd expect from a fantasy/sci-fi character. Sasje is completely surprising :)
I like the idea of a character who can't stop herself falling through time... it has a range of potential dramatic ramifications. The lead characters in my Strangeling series are similarly burdened by powers that are also liabilities, so I guess this particular theme is dear to my heart :)
Ooohhh! Strangeling series. The name alone intrigues me. Thanks for the input and encouragement. I like Sasje too. :)
You're welcome :) I think it's such an interesting thing you're doing with your fiction here, kind of workshopping aspects of it as you go along on Steemit.
I've never really written fiction in my adult life, only poetry in high school and college, switching over to songwriting from there. I thought when I started in on the free writes that I'd just be doing stream of consciousness poetry like I used to do, but the first couple entries turned out to be fiction. And then I wrote an entry I didn't want to stop writing... and now The Strangeling is happening! I never would have expected to be writing fiction at all, let alone something so ambitious (for me).
I love this platform <3