A Story of My Life, My Achievements, Health Struggle, Depression and I Want HELP! UNTALENTED 1st Entry

Before the drama...let me share my past life to you guys!

This is my entry to #untalented and it is a privilege to join the family of flaws. Don't get me wrong. Untalented is the world of people who don't have such talents as others can, but they are living a life with purpose and goals.The world is a nice place to live in because there are people who accepts their differences and hugs their uniqueness. Let us rejoice and celebrate our imperfect life to perfections!

Okay, let me start with...

EDUCATIONAL STRUGGLES AND ACHIEVEMENTS

When I was in college, there was a big weight on my shoulder when it comes to finances. I studied hard. I really aimed for diploma. Not to brag, but to inspire, I was working at school while I don't have classes, I joined organization like Choir to get additional money for tuition fee. We have a scholarship there so I used my talent for my studies.  I already a scholar DOST or Department of Science and Technology when I graduated in high school, but you know, it is still hard because they can't give the money on time. I need to give a promissory note to the school administration just to get enrolled. 

I discovered online jobs just in time as well. I don't remember where I saw Mylot but it is the first online posting job and I made lots of money there. I got addicted on three things, singing, online work and studies. Isn't it multitasking? I have to say yes, because I need those three in order to survived. 

I graduated and those three are my hero, plus my family, towards a big life in the real world outside. 

REAL WORLD, REAL MONEY, REAL PEOPLE AND THE REAL LIFE ....

I can share lots of things because I learned a lot in the real world. Nope, not that I am saying that I have a fake world inside the university, what I mean is that, the real world is something that you need to apply your experiences and maturity when it comes to decision. This is my real world story....

FAMILY

Let me first say, I become more Family Oriented.

I never thought that my parents will depend on my earnings. I have siblings, we all help with finances, but it is not sufficient. I used that problem to be my motivation to find work instantly and to continue working online. Good thing, I have lots of sites during that time. After a year, I discovered Bubblews! Finances problem, SOLVED.

ANIMAL LOVER

During those times, I became animal petitioner online. It is not an online job. I only become devoted in signing petition about animal cruelties. I despise animal cruelties. I am always affected and my concern is big. It is one of my biggest stress whenever I am seeing post about animal being hurt and it is no joke, it really affected me big. I feel that one of my purpose is to be a person that will bring big love to the animals. 

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I have five dogs and more than a dozen of cats. Although they have different personalities, I adjusted my attitude towards them. I pick stray kittens whenever I see one in the road. I always feel that God wants me to stop by a certain street because he wants me to pick one stray kittens that is calling my name (that is what I am always hearing, lol). I treat them as my own children. I love animals and I respect all kinds of animals..

KOREAN SERIES ADDICT 

While making the ends meet, I find entertainment in watching Korean Novelas or series. There are lots to mention but my favorite is Hwang Jin Yi and You Are Beautiful. My favorite actor before was Jang Keun Suk and Park Shin Hye when it comes to actress. Right now, there are lots to mention. 

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MEETING FRIENDS ONLINE AND MEETING MY BEST FRIENDS

Because I am always online, I met different people. I met some of my friends at Mylot and Bubblews. I love to meet some of my online friends right now and I wish it will happen soon. 

While some are having problems making friends, making friends online changes my attitude. I am shy. Still now I am shy, but not with making friends. I can say that in different interesting things I am doing, I have sets of friends that I can rely on. I became more lucky meeting my best friends. We just celebrated our 10th year of friendship. They are gifts from God and irreplaceable! 

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DEDICATION TO WORKING AND EARNING MONEY

I can say I become passionate with earning money. I am earning money offline and online. It is a big opportunity for me to meet people that able to help me make it through. I bring back what I learned from the community and I help newbies to achieve what needs to achieve too. I became dedicated to help online friends in making their own money because I know it brings good luck and blessing. Even on some instances it doesn't work out that way, I still appreciate experience though. Online work opens my eyes to possibility of earning more than I anticipate in a way that it is not easy to do, but you are doing it anyway. 

ACCIDENT AND LIVER LACERATION

All of my savings gone zero when I was diagnosed with liver laceration. It is case of a ruptured liver. I was on an accident when I fell down,butt first,  getting out from a vehicle. I had done an Xray but the doctors failed to see any problems with my internal organs. After two years, after too much bleeding for a week, I went to the hospital to get me check and they found out the laceration on my liver. Year 2015, I was in and out of the hospital to treat this one. My online friends and even website owners from our sites donated their money to save me. They all prayed, gave inspirational message and I was never alone. Right now, I am not healthy but still living because of a purpose. I want to live my life because it is a gift and thank you God for saving me.

All of my savings are gone... now I am starting over again..

Past is past...

Present life ...here it is..

GETTING BACK IN WORKING and BAD NEWS

Just this year, I got back in working offline. I still work online. I met Steemit in July. I registered but I failed to continue on the site because... my father died. 

My father has diabetes, but that night that we rushed him in the hospital he suffered from stroke. He was in the hospital in less than a month. The suffering ended August 7, 7:15, the time of his death. I will never forget that day. I will never forget how I screamed of pain of losing him.  Up until now I still can't accept that he is no longer with us. After two months, it became my loneliest birthday. It is the first birthday that my family is not complete. I am dying inside almost everyday. I just need to live because I promise to God I will live my life as it is gift, but of course, i cannot tell...

DEPRESSION

I am suffering from it. There are times I will find myself crying. No amount of inspiring messages will able to change what I feel. I cannot bear the pain, but it is still there. The weight on my shoulder is something that stops me from being happy. I can smile, I can laugh, I can still share a joke, but the inside of me is grieving. I don't know how to lessen the weight...it is like a cross that I am carrying everyday. I even love not to wake one day but I will never hurt myself, no to suicide. I am sad. I don't know the meaning of true happiness now...

From Pixabay

I know I will find it one day. I just need to love myself again and the people who loves me. I just need to believe that God has the purpose why those things is happening to me. Death happens to everyone, it is the reality of life that we need to accept, however, you cannot measure the pain. It is the biggest pain you will ever feel. Prepare yourself...

Can't share more because my tears are pouring..

MOVING ON...

While I am on the process, I get back to writing. I have to say that right at this moment, I do not know how to write,or to blog. I feel that I am not the same person anymore. I lost my motivation to working online and I rendered over time on my offline work thinking that being busy will change everything...

It didn't...

Once my mind is not occupied, depression sets in...

I don't know when to start...but I am starting...anyway

I do believe it is a process. I don't care how long, what matter is that, I am doing something to save myself because my family needs me. We need each other. We will never be complete but still I am grateful I still have a family...friends..pets, online friends and future friends, you are very welcome! Relationship? of course...yes..

LAST MESSAGE..

I didn't mean to make you cry. My purpose is to let this community know that I am depressed and seeking help. I feel sad.I feel complete. There is something holding me back. I want to live but it is heavy. It is a long dark road for me. I want to see a light shinning to guide my path. I don't want to hurt myself. I don't want to think that way. I am sad, but I want to live and continue living with a purpose.

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