Ulog No. 14: "When God doesn't answer my prayers, it doesn't mean He's absent"

After work today, I was approached by a fellow teacher, whom I fondly call Auntie K. because she's a lot older than me and in her 60's. I love that Auntie K. is a mother-figure to me. I love her with all my heart. She always wants to connect with me, asks how I am going, and not because she wants to be nosy or anything, but as a genuine person who seeks God on my behalf. When I need prayers, Auntie K. will stop what she's doing immediately to pray with me.

In my previous post, My Thoughts on Confiding in Someone, I wrote that we must confide only in people who walk according to the principles of God's Word. Auntie K. is that person for me, one of the trustworthy people in my life and I know she will pray to God and will give me godly counsel anytime I need it. She will only speak the truth in love with me and will call me out when I need reminders, or sometimes, even discipline.

So today, as I was leaving the staff room, she asked me how I was going. I said that I was all right. Auntie K. said, "It's okay to say you're not if you are not actually fine at all." She also said that our connect group leader told her that she was worried about me because I was feeling a little bit down the last time we had our home group meeting.

Anyway, I explained that during the home group meeting, the topic was about suffering, and people might think that I was happy but deep down inside, I was also hurting and suffering. I felt like God wasn't answering my prayers. That I was going through times when it felt like God had moved and He could not be found.

I asked questions like:

"What is God up to?"
"Why does He not respond to my prayers?"
"The fact that my prayers are still unanswered, does it have anything to do with my past, my guilt and my sins?"
"Am I being condemned?"

Auntie K. listened to me and reassured me that God is a Sovereign God and He knows what is going on. He has set a purpose for my life and that I was born to carry out a mission. Jesus already dealt with guilt and condemnation, and that I should not listen to the lies of the enemy because the devil's only mission on earth is to try to break us apart and separate ourselves from God. When I have feelings of unworthiness, that I don't feel like I am worthy in His eyes, there can be a part of me that just wants to hide because I am ashamed of myself, and so the result is, I run away from God, instead of running to Him.

Just from that short conversation with Auntie K., I have learnt some important messages.

Silence does not mean God is absent.

Sometimes, God says to me, "Be still, and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10) Just like when you are really secure with somebody that you can just sit quietly with them, it's the same way with God. Silence can build a level of intimacy where words are no longer necessary. If I want to be comfortable with God, I have to meditate on His Word and have "silent fellowship" with Him.

Silence does test my faith.

I remember the first time I learnt how to ride a bike without the training wheels. When I was 10 years old, my father would pick me up from school using his pushbike. He would let me either sit in front or stand at the back.

"You are not alone!"

One day, I asked my father if I could ride the bike myself. My feet could not even reach the ground yet, but I could already balance myself, just with my feet on the pedals. My father let me ride the bike. I was quite surprised. I realised now that at that point, he trusted my capability. He put his confidence in me. I knew that he was walking behind me ready to catch me if I'd fall, but still the fact that I was the one controlling the bike on my own, that was like liberating for me.

Then, suddenly I felt the nerves kicked in, and I lost my balance instantly and fell off the bike. I got hurt and cried, probably not from the physical pain but because of embarrassment thinking that I was not too big enough to ride the bike. My father consoled me and said that I rode the bike quite well, but he saw how nervous I got towards the end, which made the bike wobble. He said that I should not have gotten scared because he was right there behind me anyway.

At some point in my life, God takes His hands off my bike and even lets me ride it on my own to see how far I have progressed. It can either be a steady or a wobbly ride. When it's wobbly, that's when I show how far I've come and where or whom I am placing my trust.

I would like to acknowledge @surpassinggoogle for his Ulog inititative because it helps us (Steemit users) write something about ourselves even on a daily basis.

The "U" in Ulogs means "You."

The following are some of my Ulog posts since I started #ulogging on 1st June 2018:

#Ulogs	Title
13	Bushwalk Fun and Adventure with the Children
12	My Thoughts on Confiding in Someone
11	One Thing my Father Taught Me
10	Making Story Stones

Other certified #uloggers that I recommend:

@dynamicshine (my sister), @mariannewest, @puregrace, @lantracy, @mhm-philippines, @quochuy

Please vote @steemgigs, @pharesim, @quochuy, @jackmiller, @qurator, @hr1 and @ausbitbank as witnesses to let them know you support their work!

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All photos are mine, except for the Discord banners (provided by @baa.steemit, @steembulls, @terminallyill, @flaminghelpers, and @itestify), #ulogger GIF file by @phantum04 and footer image by @bearone of @teamaustralia.