The friendly lady who accommodated me told me that someone in the village could take me to the crater the next day, she was talking about the native community living close to the volcano. Don't worry, they know very well how to get there.

The Birth

For sure there are easier ways to get to the crater lake and some tourists who do not want to travel off the beaten track and do not want to work hard too much can also get there. Take the 4x4, bring a camera, have some fellow tourists' chit-chat and go home. For some reason, I don't seem to choose the easier things in life, or perhaps, life does not take me to easier things. I guess I am made to be tough. At least, this was what I thought.

Volcanoes fascinate me more of all nature, the allure and its power to obliterate us. My search for some spiritual meaning and experience lead me to this what I call, beauty in madness.

I had never seen the most beautiful morning in my life as my host family took me in their boat to the village. The freshness of foggy morning, a flock of blackbirds above the calm lake that dotted the horizon and a backdrop of unexplored mountains. There was nothing but silent commune. It was zen.

There used to be a huge thriving community here until the unforgiving force of nature wiped almost all which was totally devastating. Knowing the kind of people in the cities all over the world, it would just make sense to return the land the original settlers own so they can restart their lives away from this fucked-up civilization.

The people in the community changed big time, with all these clothes and things introduced by the modern society. I was not coming here with this typical 'hero complex' you all see around these days, I was here trying to be just like everyone else. I don't really see the point of glorifying the differences because, for all I know, there are none. Or perhaps there is, they have it better.

It sucks that I had nothing to offer but money in exchange for the guiding service. It seems that the major societal corruption has reached the untainted environment these days. Nevertheless, I saw what I called the real wealth amongst the people here - abundance, genuine smiles and simple life. I saw someone happily watching a movie on this tiny portable DVD player. I think this is how it is to be happy around here - nature, simple technology, a community and nothing more.

My heroes here were taking me to Mordor, I guess I was just consumed by my own imagination brought by excitement. There is this unique landscape I have never seen before - a vast desert of white and lush mountains. They were walking with a shotgun with them which made me worried about what might be in there that we might need to protect ourselves. Anyway, I entrusted my life to these men.

I walked under the scorching heat of the sun for hours that seemed to be neverending. We crossed some dried lakes along the way. Before we climbed a hill, someone would cut the tall grasses to create a trekking path for the rest of us. You see what I had just gone through, this was not some sort of trekking with improved paths to avoid getting lost. This place is unknown, away from the rest of the world. I was lucky enough that some real strong arms cut those spiky grasses to make way for me.

Let me say that this is such an unforgiving environment for a first-time trekker, oh you don't know, you just don't know how very difficult yet very adventurous this was for me. There were some organized planning and decision-making right there and then by the experts, like how to propel me up a mountain. At some point, there was nothing for me to hold on to, one little move and I would just fall back to the white desert. Back to square one, and perhaps, this whole thing could be over. There were strong hands that served as rocks, someone above would reach for me and someone below would make sure I would not fall, while there was someone continuously making a path that would be easier for us. Now I understood why I was with three men. From the desert, lakes, mountains into a cave, I just didn't realize what a serious adventure this was all for me.

The Reality

After 6 hours and after telling me that we still had a long way to go, it hit me. This would not take one day and I realized my own stupidity - I didn't have enough food with me. We had been only eating some cakes I had brought which I thought would last me 2-3 hours and come back. I had to shamelessly confess that I was not prepared, like no food. Zero.

They thought for a bored, random traveler, that I would at least know how to take care of myself. Well, apparently not. There had been some misunderstanding at the beginning that my excitement made me say let's go now!

I was thinking they were just hiding their utter disbelief and shock with smiles. I had to think that I might become a real burden here soon.

Water, water!

Ohhhhh what a joy, we ran to the fresh stream and drank a lot of water. I was so thirsty and I quickly filled my water bottle that would last me for a couple of hours more. If they can drink this water, then I can surely drink whatever nature has to provide to let me survive this day.

You know, you can let us know when you are tired, someone told me.

I finally retired to a rock to rest after 8 hours, this was no joke. I was not able to forgive myself that time of how ignorant I was of nature, how for the first time in my life - I had completely underestimated its power. I would surely never do this again.

Do you know how it is to feel hungry? You know H-U-N-G-E-R.

No, no, no, not that type when you are lazy to go out and buy food, or your mother didn't cook for you, or your boyfriend didn't bring you some take-out or your wife didn't prepare some dinner for you, or you're on a diet or some spiritual fasting some kind of thing.

I'm talking about feeling hungry uhmmm... because there is no fooooooooooooooooood?

All day I dream about food.

Hunger is when you dream of good food.
Hunger is when you think all would be good.
Hunger is when your stomach is growling in pain.
Hunger is when it finally reaches your brain.

Fried chicken, beef stroganoff, meaty pizza, kebabs, pasta, beef stew, burrito, lasagna, dumplings, fettuccine carbonara, chicken barbeque, nasi goreng, breaded pork chop, T-bone steak medium rare, pad thai, cheeseburger, chicken curry, tempura, creme brulee, shawarma, teriyaki, cordon bleu, stir-fry noodles, buttered shrimps, chicken tikka masala, tiramisu, schnitzel, tom yum, onion rings....

Wild boar.

Wait, what?

Let's go now and hunt for a wild boar, one of them assured me.

Hmmm, wild boar, now what is that? I don't care. I looked around and prayed for a wild boar to come as we continued walking across the hot desert.

Then suddenly, I saw one of them running really fast towards the mountain.

Wild boar, wild boar, wild boar, wild boar, wild boar, wild boar, wild boar, please come wild boar, wild boar, wild boar, wild boar, please come wild boar...

because I'm so fuckin hungry!!!!!

They could feel my hunger by the end of the day as I saw them hunting for food with a sense of urgency. Are you guys very hungry now? It was like some naive person asking them.

Don’t worry about us, we are used to this.

It hit me how weak people are back at the civilization. Thanks, we now have dental chairs, electricity, paved roads, pharmacies, animal factories, supermarkets, water system... without these, we are done, ha!

We might not have a wild boar but I was very happy to see someone brought a wild chicken! You just don’t know how happy I was at that moment, we were all smiling and rejoicing, hurray we have dinner!

It was not like I was dying but it kind of felt like that moment. I was filled with hope and joy. There is something to be learned from the hunter-gatherers - present-focused.

I learned that happiness is a wild chicken.

I was not allowed to help, especially knowing that I might do more harm than good. One was skinning the chicken, the others were gathering some woods for the fire. We couldn’t reach the crater, hell not at this point. Forget about the volcano for a moment, this was about surviving. We decided to camp at the foot of the volcano, close to the river. Strategic place. Oh yes, I had my tent. I guess I was not that unprepared at all.

The Beauty

Sometimes I couldn’t grasp the reality as I marveled at this alien beauty around me. I couldn't remember if I took some drugs that might explain all these vivid colors. I was in Mars. At dusk, everything around me turned red like some consolation for the hardships I faced that day. It was all too real for me to believe.

Everything here, everything now, everything would never be forgotten. Someday I would die and everything would have already been written.

The fiery sunset hid behind those mysterious peaks, this moment was only for the few lucky ones. I am here living, this eternal now, like really living, no shortcuts, no path untaken - excitement, hunger, discomfort, fear and joy. I'm sorry but you don't know life if you haven't experienced all of this here, now.

Don’t cowardly move away from life and waste years in your comfort, in your fake education, in your jobs, in front of your computer, in your new career, in your new house, in your relationship, in your fear of foreign countries, in your petty depression problems, in your controlling society, in your fear of other people, in your fear of new experiences, in your social benefits... tick tock tick tock. In all these predictable events of your life. Now enjoy it while it lasts.

The real beauty of the moment for those who deserve, for those who are unafraid of pain, of suffering, of dying, of living now.