One year to live and no place to go
365
In a year from now my time will end
with time left I will choose to spend
an hour here or an hour there
filled with regrets or a lack of care
smiles with the ones I love
tears at all that has been left undone
words unsaid, loves held back
on another day and another track
plenty of time to get things done
said the fool who didn't watch it run
slipping through fingers and sips
moments lost through cracks in drips
wasting away until another day
I will do it later I'd always say
and with a knowing nod received
another fell through deceived
will the day after the very last
will it matter at all that I passed?
@anomadsoul gave the prompt here and instead of commenting, I have chosen to add a little more.
Now, I do not really know what I would do with precision, but I think that emotionally I would be relatively ready for my own death. The trouble would be that I am not alone, I have a family and while I'd be gone, they will hopefully live on and lead full and happy lives, regardless of what they have lost.
A few years ago I wrote something for my daughter before she was born and committed it to the blockchain, just in case.
This was the last paragraph:
For my unborn daughter, Your journey has started, the ripple has begun, the first strings pulled, your effects felt. You have already moved me to be my best for You and are now and forever a part of the universe. I look forward to meeting you, learning with you, adventuring, journeying and discovering together. I look forward to the discussion, listening to your music and seeing what piece you will play in the endless conversation.
I have now met her, I have discussed with her, I have listened to her songs and watched her grow. The only regret I would have with only one year to live is that I wouldn't have the chance to see what she will one day become. A year passes fast when it is the last and you spend it with those who no matter what, you will always want a moment more, another look, just to hear their voice one more time.
How can one prepare? What would I say to her that would help her understand once she was old enough? All I can do is write and leave something for her of me to pick through, but it will never do it justice, I could never write enough words for her to know what she means.
While the fantasy would be to travel for the year, to make the last 365 days as memorable as possible, I am more practical than that and do not have the financial availability to do so and leave some stability behind. I would have to continue to work for some time in order to provide a little more and to of course, get things ready - prepare my keys, make sure they are going to be used well.
For me, not much changes - I do not care about being remembered in the sense of proof I have lived, but I do care that my actions lead on toward a somewhat better world. The memory of me isn't in my name or face, it is in what knock on effects happen past the end of my life. The best I can do in the last year is to do my best.
But in the last months, I would spend the time with those I love and travel the best we could, even if it is to only one place, somewhere special, something memorable for my daughter - like a beach where she can play, a location where happiness is the default setting, even for a child. My wife would understand, she would be okay, she is stronger than me and a fierce mother, she will want the memories to be for her daughter - something that they can discuss when she is a little older - something to explain - something of which to remind - something to hold on to.
I believe we as people overestimate our importance and influence on others, and underestimate our resilience and ability to survive and thrive. People say a child needs a parent, but they don't, they need someone who cares for them, supports them, nurtures them - someone who can demonstrate self-respect and love.
I do not need to experience more before I die, I do not have a bucket list, I do not care for memories I do not believe I am going to hold - I don't need anything special. Memories are nothing unless shared, like a good meal at a restaurant, it will always taste bland in comparison to sharing it with someone loved. So, in the last year of life I will spend my time doing the best I can to create memories in those I care for to help them in their life and perhaps they will do the same for others past my own.
We may all die alone, but we do not have to live that way.
Taraz
[ a Steem original ]
<3
In the end, if we evaluate what is worth something, it's memories of time spend with our loved ones. Not clothes, cars, a big house, but a hug and a smile from our partners, parents, children, friends.
The trick is to not wait until we have time to enjoy these valuable things, but create tiny bits of it whenever we can.
There is never the time to put aside, so all the time has to suffice.
Every morning I wait for my daughter to climb into bed with me with a couple of her soft toys and we talk about what dreams we had. She doesn't know what a dream really is yet, but she makes up a story anyway. It is the best time of the day.
<3
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Priceless
Well Put
I don't have children yet, so I can only imagine what this would be like to confront. Wife and family would be difficult. But I would know how to deal with them better than children I guesd. One would hope they don't need this conversation with their children until their childre are married older and have children themselves.
So many sad stories and themes with that. Paper Menagerie is one I read recently which deals with a letter written to a son by his mother.
It is hard with children, especially when they are so young they do not have the basic understanding even. The letter I wrote to my daughter was meant to introduce ideas to her that she would be able to think upon for herself. Now on the blockchain, she has something like 30 novels worth of words to pick through from me.
Having something to hold from the past can be a driver or an anchor.
That is something to consider. You address them to her. But you are writing them for yourself just as much and maybe even more.
Definitely. If one s going to examine life in order to change for better behavior, one has to actually examine and create new ideas that will affect the change.
I think so too (though I'd really rather not have my ability to survive and thrive be tested XD).
That's kind of my definition of a parent o_O (biological relationship is optional)
I'm also kind of glad to know I'm not the only one that doesn't have a bucket list, I was starting to feel even more defective than I already am as "everyone else" has one XD
Big things are great but sometimes little things are better :)
the bucket list idea is kind of strange, because it is creating an expectation around something that one is yet to experience with the assumption that it will be good. I don't hear of many people having "getting waterboarded" on their list.
Meditating on this question was really essential to dropping most of my baggage. Fear of death and the desire to control all outcomes is such a common motivation but also such a cause of suffering. Building up that motivation again on the other side of fear is truly living!
I love that he used this as a prompt! And beautiful said btw
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Fear of death is a strange one, but from a biological position quite obvious. However, I don't think we fear death for biological reasons these days, it is more about the uncertainty or the sense that we will lose what we have worked a life to gain. The question shouldn't be about the loss, it should ask if what we work for is worth it considering we cannot take it with us. For me, the answer is that what I work toward isn't for me, it is for those who will live on past me and benefit from it.