Eyeing experiences to grow

in #thoughts5 years ago

The four days of Easter has been quality time with my daughter, as well as quantity. Whenever we are together I try to make sure it is quality and high value moments for both of us. This means being present and as a result, we talk a lot.

Today we visited friends and they have a teenage son so, having a little girl to play with is a bit of fun for them. They got out a box of Lego and after coffee, we all sat on the floor and played together, chatted and joked around. This is the first time they have really been with her while she is playing and they were a bit surprised as to the complexity of her games and the stories she creates for them. They surprise me too and I am with her every day.

While I do think kids should be kids, I also believe that we routinely underestimate their abilities to understand and take responsibility for their behaviours. While I wouldn't wish my childhood on anyone for the most part, what I did learn was personal responsibility and consequence of action. It is most likely why I don't blame others for my hardships except myself.

Too often these days we raise children as if they are helpless and this manifests into victim mentalities that are unable to cope in various circumstances and instead become passive and inactive in the hope to be saved. Expecting to be saved. No one is going to save us, but ourselves.

Yes, people can help and support may come but reliance on others for wellbeing always leads to imbalances and resentments as desires go unmet. It is not that one has to live in solitude, but to have a good life, one has to feel that they have power and agency over themselves - a sense of control.

I believe that this starts young and can be affected through early childhood experiences when children are trusted with the power to make some decisions and to wear the consequences. It isn't a parent's job to be their children's friend, it is their job to prepare them for the world to come and since that world is an unknown with many uncertain factors, the task is to make sure they can act well no matter the discomfort or fairness of circumstances.

I think we are doing a pretty good job as parents given our resources and, our daughter is advancing well and with curiosity and enjoyment.

If you want a child to be happy, feed them candy. If you want them to lead a happy life, feed them experiences and understanding of them. The first path is easy.

Taraz
[ a Steem original ]

I took these photos today while she was eating her post-nap snack. She has great eyes to photograph and when I am a little better at it, I hope to get a very sharp image of the intricacies tied into them.

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She’s got beautiful eyes 😄

I have and continue to get in trouble for letting my kids make decisions for themselves 😑

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She does and they are so different in structure to mine. Mine are like brown blobs.

What kind of trouble?

Yesterday we went out dressed the same, pink shirts, blue jeans, pink sneakers :D

Kids can shock you and it tells you a lot about them in how they think. Your daughter will think differently to others around her and it is about how she is bought up. It has to reflect in how she thinks and plays as everything she does has been a consequence of what you two are teaching her. It is fascinating to see others pick up on that and is a reflection on you two.

I am looking forward to seeing what differences there are and what negatives there might be. There is no perfect way to raise and it will never match all needs of the future, but there are still large variations in results of what we all do and face and hopefully this path will lead to her being happy, whatever that means for her.

Having someone as thoughtful as you as a parent will give her a leg up in life no doubt.

There is no perfect way to raise and it will never match all needs of the future,

Yes, there is a perfect way and I believe you already know it. From my viewpoint your intuition has been pretty accurate & successful so far. From the distance I can feel that your previous experiences, curiosity & common sense consciously or subconsciously has been guiding you on the right track. :)

But for more precise enlightening or for know exactly why I think like this. You will have to click here or scroll down a little bit more. :p

The reality is that we will never know how things turn out and how the influence of our lives and the environments they experience will mold their behaviors especially considering the ever growing biological impacts we may be seeing as everything continues to evolve. I hope, pray and cross my fingers as it doesn’t hurt!

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There are so many unseen forces at play that even 'perfect parenting' (it doesn't exist) wouldn't cover all points as even the air breathed is going to impact more or less on some people.

Indeed children should not be raised as helpless. But they cannot be trusted with everything. IF something works on a small scale it will most likely work on a grander scale. Same with children. entrusting them in small things will give them the experience and build the trust in relationships that will prepare them for more responsibility. Thanks @tarazkp

Introducing small things early means they can tackle larger things earlier also. Some people coddle their children until they leave home - and often beyond.

It isn't a parent's job to be their children's friend, it is their job to prepare them for the world to come and since that world is an unknown with many uncertain factors, the task is to make sure they can act well no matter the discomfort or fairness of circumstances.

I think I've already told you this before. But yes, what is one more time? :)

In my opinion, our job as parents is no more no less than that one to serve as formidable guide sherpas for our children. Simply showing to our daughters & sons the common routes of life and giving them all the maps that we've been accumulating in our own lives of the paths and mazes through which we have crossed along.

If anything, just pointing out and explaining to them a lil bit a few of the passages, lanes, curves, bystreets, shortcuts, open doors and the closed doors in which we have stopped by and we have entered to nosely snoop inside with the luck of having left the place unharmed of the experience and nothing else.

But above all, make it clear that we'll never interfere with their innate roadmap nor with the decisions that their own intuition tells them how to proceed in their future. They will have to walk alone their own journey to be able to build their own unique and intimate experiences.

Our job is just show them how many hanging bridges we have crossed that they lacked multiple steps in the middle and somehow we managed to cross them and get out alive. What does not mean that if they also decide to cross it everything will go just as well. But, that they are very free to try it if they choose too.

The only difference is gonna be, that regardless of their own future decisions... we need to highlight to them well & clear enough, how stupid it would be find them at the bottom of the ravine with the maps in their pockets unconsulted. :)

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